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EMptiness


Blossom

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Everyone's gone now. It feels so empty and I'm so stupid I can't stop crying. I hate being on my own. I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal but it is to me. :(:(:( They've been gone like 10 minutes... that's all and I feel lonely already.

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this kind of reminds me of when I house sit invisible. As much as I hate being home, I get so depressed and home sick when I am house sitting, even the first night. I don't know why, it doesn't make sense, to me anyway, but I can understand how you're feeling.

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But maybe "I'm okay in the daytime" suggests something that might help: make your nighttimes shorter? Do you think you could go to bed earlier, and get up in the mornings and do something, say outside? It might keep you from dwelling on being alone and stuff. Just a thought.

And yes, don't stop telling us how you feel. You don't have anyone else to tell, after all.

I keep trying to tell 'finding' the accordion is cool, but I never manage to keep a straight face. :-P

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I definately am a crybaby!!! I cry about everything...

I think every instrument is kinda cool if it's played well. Me playing guitar - not so cool... If ye could have heard me ye would have laughed.... I'm really really really really bad. I can only play 3 notes so far. I never realized how hard guitar was...I thought I'd be able to play electric by the time my family gets home..... not gonna happen by the looks of things!!!

I went on a mini road trip with my cousin today!!!

That's a good idea Malign, but I still can't seem to get to sleep til really really late. It's raining really bad here. I think there's gonna be a storm... Sometimes I feel that I should stop posting because I know I'm writing the same thing over and over again because it's the same thoughts going through my head..that frustrates me..

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Hey Star, I just posted to your blog aswel! Hmmmm, well we only drove for like an hour so it was a very mini road trip. ... we went shopping first to get a how to learn guitar book and we ended up buying clothes aswel of course. then we ended up at my granny's house, ha! So we visited her and then visited my aunt who lives beside her and she made us eat lots and lots of food and drink lots of coffee and coke so now I'm high again!!!!!!!!!!!! How has your day been?

oh no I love saturdays - saturday is my favourite day ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the first saturday I've had off work in about a year!!!!!!!!!

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hey, playing guitar is fun, I took lessons when I was younger, I just like to play the notes not the chords, you can do it, it'll become as easy as typing.

You need to stop with so much caffeine!! You need your sleep. I consume an awful lot of caffeine myself, but it doesn't effect my sleep, thank God!

My day is okay, my dad slept most the day, so that was nice, but then he got up, and now I'm upstairs. Which is fine. Do you have an acoustic guitar, or you're playing electric?

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you know, I'm not as fast as you, I didn't catch the updated comment!

Well that's nice for you, to have a Saturday off, I'm glad you got to enjoy it! I always have Saturdays off, but I find there is just too much time to fill.

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I have an acoustic one but I think it's out of tune.. either that or I'm just playing it really badly.

I don't usually drink much caffeine. My aunt is just one of those people that practically force feeds you and she kept refilling our coffees and plates. My braces broke last night. like half an hour after my family left. typical.

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hmm, I've never had braces so I'm not really sure what you can do about that, I'd guess you should probably call your orthodontist though so you don't mess anything up, you wouldn't want them on any longer than necessary!

Your aunt sounds like my grandmother, if you visit her make sure you have an appetite, she will not let you get away with saying no thank you.

I like acoustic guitars, I don't know how to tune them though, my older brother always did that for me so I never had to learn :)

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My ortho only comes down here on thursdays so I s'pose I'll have to wait til then!

I prefer electric. I think guitar hero is the nearest I'll ever get to an electric guitar!!!

the house is soooooooo quite!!!!!!! it's a little scary. I really want to adopt a dog....

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I wish I could but I'm not allowed. It wouldn't really be fair for me to get one when I'm moving out in September. . My granny has the cutest little dog.. Do you have any pets? I miss my cat so much. If he was here with me I wouldn't be such a scaredy cat..

She's not staying tonight but I think she might be tomorrow night.

Any plans for tomorrow?

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we have pets, two dogs, a pug and a st bernard, and two cats, and a turtle. But I'm just not really an animal person (and yeah I know that makes me awful). But seriously the pug just breathes really loud and begs for food and is all around annoying and the st bernard is just so messy, a great dog, but seriously the slobber and hair, he just grosses me out.

Tomorrow I am working some overtime actually. Don't know how we squeaked that one in, I don't do my work all week and than my boss tells us we can work overtime on Sunday so everything is done before we get our bills on Monday. We have to stuff seal and post 15,000 tax bills as quickly as possible, and we're getting them Monday morning, I'll be at work till midnight. Which is fine, overtime is always good :) So I'll go to church at 9 than I'm meeting the other girl at work at like 10ish until whenever.

I'm glad she'll stay with you that's a good idea, you won't be scared plus you'll have someone to hang out with. Are you doing anything fun tomorrow?

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You're so lucky!! I've never been allowed to get a dog even though we have a really big garden so it's not like we'd have nowheere to put it... I'm soooo tempted to get a dog now....I know daddy was planning to get one sometime... Hmmm, I wonder what they'd do if I adopted one when they were gone.... It would make me so happy to have a pet.

At least you won't have to spend much time at home then!!! That's a long time to work though.. I hope ye get a proper lunch break? !

I have nothing planned for tomorrow. I suppose I'll try learn more guitar. and then I bought a work out dvd (haha!!) so I may start that aswel. I'm going to do it twice a day - once in the morning and once before bed and then I'll go for a walk aswel if things go to plan.

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hey, sorry, sidetracked by the parental units, nah, no lunch breaks, my boss said pack snacks and drinks cause you're not leaving! But that's fine, I very rarely take my lunch break (we get a 1hr pd break) but to me it's just more trouble than it's worth, I'd rather stay in the office, the less I drive the less chance of an accident! (I really really really hate driving) but this will be my fifth year doing billing, I actually enjoy the rush of it, and once those bills are out, watch out! Taxes went up (as usual), I'll be fighting at the window and on the phone all day long for weeks, people are a-holes, cause you know, yell at me, I am the person who determines the tax rate and if you yell enough I even have the authority to lower it! Idiots. Ha, look at me, I'm getting mad and it hasn't even happened yet!

You should adopt a dog and than just tell your parents it was a stray and you didn't know what to do! That may work...

Maybe tomorrow will be sunny for you and you can do something outside, that would be nice, I'm sure you're tired of rain by now! But I guess that is why Ireland is so green :) Stinks for you though.

And good luck with the excercise, I have no motivation there. I just sit in my messy room and stare at the laundry pile, which I think may be coming to life, and growing on it's own, and think about everything I should be doing. Oh well, maybe one day I'll have the energy, or at least care enough to do something.

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Sounds like there's a lot of agro involved in your job!!!

Just do what I do - drink lots of coke!!!! It will make you all fizzy and happy on the inside! That's where my motivation has been coming from lately! My room is messy too but if anyone asks, I just call it art.

NO. it's never ever sunny in Ireland. I hate it. plus there's nothing to do outside only water the flowers... not really my cup of tea.... You're right. everything's verrrry green.. but when I was in tennessee I was surprised at how green it was there..

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I've never been to Tennesse. Yeah my job definitely is not a place where you meet happy people. Before you've even spoken to someone they already have a chip on their shoulder. I mean there are some nice people but for the most part NASTY, but whatevr, in the end they have to pay, so they never win the fight. You know I do feel bad, it's not as if I enjoy taking their money, but when they act like that towards us, you can't help but get some satisfaction out of it. I have gotten pretty good at ignoring the comments over the years, everyone has something to say, I just take care of them as quicly as possble and say have a nice day, it's better than responding to their comments, cause I know I wouldn't be nice about it, but whatever, it's my job.

I'll have to try that one, I'll say I've become an artist and my room is my masterpiece! Good idea invisible.

But really, I need some clean clothes! I'm so bad I'll actually go out and buy new clothing to avoid doing laundry, pathetic!

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I get lots of nasty customers aswel. They always ruin my day. Yesterday in work I got really sad when I was on tills because I was trying to be nice and saying hi to each customer and being smiley but all I got in response from most of them was a grunt. I don't know why I even bother sometimes....

Well, at least you have an excuse to go shopping!!!

The effects of the coke are wearing off me... I wish I could get along with my family..

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people are rude, they do the same thing to us, we say, hi how are you?......nothing, so when I'm being bad I'll say, oh good me too, thanks for asking...oops.

well invisible, it's 2:30am, the coke should be working off! I think you have your sleeping schedule all messed up.

I'm sorry your family is difficult, it stinks that you try so hard to get along with them and they treat you badly. I wish I knew what I could say that could help you with that :)

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Yeah I think so too...

I don't know if I try hard enough..maybe I could try harder. I think I've given up on the situation now. Usually when they're at home I spend as little time as possible with them. and I feel bad for doing it. They were actually being nice to me yesterday before they went. I think that's why I felt so sad when they went. I don't know how everything has gone so wrong..

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