Well, I know I left y'all hanging a little bit last time. That was partly because I didn't know very much more than what I wrote: decisions made in the past weren't standing up to the changes going on inside me.
I'm afraid that to some extent, your disappointment will have to continue, since a complete set of answers has not yet presented itself. ;-) In some sense, that's okay: I don't expect a full set of answers to life's questions until it's finally over. I would rather like to know what to do next, however. ;-)
And that's where I am. Mind swirling, pieces of ideas drifting by, feelings popping up and saying "feel me!" Some of the pieces are not particularly nice to me; in fear and ignorance, they can be fairly vicious. They think that that's the way to get their wishes, to keep me safely isolated. And I'm not listening any more. However, having been locked to their guidance for so long and then suddenly freed, my compass is still swinging fairly wildly, trying to imagine a new course. I have some basic ideas; "what I am" didn't really change. But I am having to relearn "what I want", and "what I'm willing to risk to get it". It's been a trip, no doubt, and it's just begun. :-)