my mom misses me she says.

She just revealed that she has way better communication with me than my bro... She says she's lonely because of it and feel shut out of my brother's family. And that I am the only one keeping constant contact with her and telling her I love her. Who knew.

I am the bad kid yet the good kid. Ah! Well I do some things right.

I get news from times to times of Y. From my girlfriends who go to his garage. They don't know if he has a girlfriend again... But he seems jolly as per usual when he talks to them. He takes care of their cars very well..and he's very careful to be pleasant and all, as I know full well he can be unpleasant too with his clients, when they asks questions on the bill, or call him outside his business hours. R thinks it's because he knows they know me and want the news that 'he's good' to get to me.

He hasn't contacted me, I haven't contacted him... even though he's offered to take care of my car when I saw him the one time after we broke up. But even if I need it, my brakes... I wont go to him. Why should he get my money? It might be stubborn, and I will snap out of it, but not until I'm ready.

And again, yet two other girls came out of the woodwork and told me they went out with him to be told the exact same thing as he did to me. Goes to tell, I am not the only one.

He literally told the same words to one girl. Who is, in fact really pretty and nice. But it was even worst for her, as it was after 3 months of seeing him only once a week, plus she said she's pretty sure he was working on other girls at the same time. I don't think I could have endure 3 months of this. My self esteem would have plunged even lower.

To the other girl, he told a similar thing, and was after another girl at the same time, so she confronted him, he denied, then told the half-truth but she was pretty upset, so she abandoned him, even thought it wasn't a true relationship for her she said... then she met someone while Y was away for a month, and then he was so incredibly upset when he found out and wanted to get back with her, and then big drama for a month. She said 'not a big loss'... same words I used...

It's not that he's a total arse, but he has problems committing.

It's a blessing in disguise as now, I can see that I was right to expose my feelings the way I did. It' s hard for me to be true to myself when I want something more than want to protect myself and be true to myself. Now I am ok with it for the most part. I wanted something that he wasn't. He was other things that were fun and nice, and that's why it's confusing.

Now I am seeing someone new. But we are both reluctant to take it fast. We just don't know if we are for each other. But we do talk a lot and see each other 2-3 times a week. Even if he works 6-7 days a week... He says I can read him like a book and he doesn't know how to read me. It's true. But I am holding back. But because I am not as attracted to him as I was to Y. He has good qualities, but also bad ones. He revealed to me that he used to treat girls like pieces of meat, and that he was about to do that with me when he met me [i felt it], but he can't. First, because I don't let him, and second because he says that I am cooler, more interesting then the others... Ah. well, It's just that he doesn't impress me as much so I just want to get to know him and I talk a lot. He says "I challenge' him. Mmm. well, not my intention. I just want something real.