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im feeling a bit calmer today and yesterday wasnt too bad though im tired.

i love having my chldren here and they're past the stage of running me ragged thank god and on the whole they're really well behaved except my oldest! but i get exhausted easily lately and the constant demands on my time make it more tiring even though it's only over the weekend. I sometimes feel a bit resentful because i have to stop the urges to cut or od ..not always easy! they're getting older and it's hard to hide.

Im getting really stressed out about my blood, i dont understand why it's changed so much. I cant stand the feel of it and each time i hope in vain (vein? lol) it will be normal again.

im also having second thoughts about getting involved with the whole psych team thing again, i dont trust them at all. im relieved in a way because i dont want to keep on as i am its no way to live and i know i need help, but im wary because there are things i dont want them meddling in and trying to take away from me.

ive never done the counselling thing before i know it helps many but i also know of a lot of ppl who's heads are more screwed then ever.

im not very open face to face so how it will work i dont know. but i suppose it's worth a try and at least it wont be a group thing im offered this time.

but if they attempt to 'work' on the ED thing then i am out of there straight away!

my grandsons coming today which is something to look forward to, he is the most gorgeous baby :D and so happy all the time, he even smiles when he wakes up most 7 mth olds wake up crying for breakfast but not him, he's cheeky as well has his own little quirks and ways and is really affectionate..cant wait to see him.

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Hi Donna

You know the p/team and trusting them thingy, well take the leap of faith, if you can. I didnt and too some degrees still dont trust them, look where it goe me !!!!

Im starting to learn to trust them now, its a battle with me to trust anyone. But it is the only way I will get better, so really if I want to ever have my freedom back and get out of this bloody hospital I have no choice.

Im pleased that you have got your family visiting, its gonna be exhausting for you, but I am sure it will be nice for you. Your grandchild sounds cute, enjoy the time you share with him. it will put a smile in your heart and on your face !!!

Take care, hun


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