i hate myself so much when i eat, i did really well and dropped 7lbs then went to the pub got wrecked on long island teas ate some chips from the fish shop of all things that my on/off b/f bought me then yesterday i had some iccream and have now gained 3 fckin lbs! i really really hate myself i feel so weak and stupid :mad: my stomachs a mess cos laxes dont work anymore so im bloated queasy and blocked! i purged with the bleach ugggh i promised myself id never do that again!

ive got the appt with the psych coming up on the 23rd which im seriously regretting im not sure i want to go now.

also fell out with b/f again ..nothing new! he wanted sex i didnt, my fault i tried to initiate it monday night cos he'd treated me (thought it might burn a few cals too if im honest lol) i really thought i could do it but i panicked and it was a HUGE disaster so of course last night he wanted to try again and i didnt and it all got muddled up altho he didnt try pushing me and i ended up jumping in a taxi home in the early hrs..i just had to get away.

as usual everythings a mess and im sick and tired of it all.