keep having stupid thoughts i cant get rid of them..especially at night which being an insomniac doesnt help.

i keep getting all these memories in my head, old things things that dont matter but they wont leave me alone. Im not upset scared or anything but it is driving me nuts and i cant think straight, everything just gets jumbled up.

my memory is really bad again and confusion is kicking back in, which is also weird cos ive eaten something more or less everyday...thats the only thing that is given me any feeling..anger,hate and weakness :mad: then i get hyper for a while.

but the rest of the time im kind of numb, i keep wondering if the eating is a form of s/h or a punishment of some kind, cos when the anger and hatred of being weak finally passes im just numb again.

im not a binger and my intake is very careful although i did have some bread yesterday but i dont want to start being a comfort/binge eater...ive barely even excersised or even been mobile the last cpl of days and as a result have gained a cpl of lbs which is just making things worse, i dont like it when i get numb and dumb stuff in my head because i know that leads to volcano time.

i dont even have b/f to go to to keep safe, ive been nasty and have refused to see him for the last cpl of weeks..im probably making something out of nothing now..even this is all jumbled up and makes no sense, im on auto-pilot atm normally i dont waffle on when i am...thats usually when im mad or really down.

time to shut up my stupid mouth! hah thats actually a good idea then i wont shovel food in it!

ive shut up now :-x