im having a bit of a hyper time, i was really low earlier mostly cos of that bloody letter ..still cant get it out of my head! but could tell i was going to get like this cos i was really jittery,paranoid and anxious, the anitdepressants the Dr gave me are the same as before and same crappy side effects, nausea shaking dry mouth etc etc but maybe they'll help this time? last time i was on these ones i tried topping myself 12 times lol ..maybe he's trying to tell me something :eek:

12 times and i never suceeded how sad is that! it would be funny if it wasnt so pathetic lol

the last time i tried was the weirdest, the paramedics told me if it hadnt been for the large amount and type of pills id taken which made me throw up instantly id have been dead ..kind of ironic lol and sort of cryptic really, i never do anything right!

im not suicidal but i did have a bit of a moment in the early hours..it just popped into my head out of nowhere what i would do how i would do it and it was a really calm and peaceful moment kind of accepting and acknowledging it, like it was a natural thing..but then i reminded myself no and of my family, but it was actually a really nice soothing sort of natural pleasant feeling.

i think thats what was worrying the fact that it just kind of crept up on me and felt so right.

But wey hey another day and im still here and all that lets be happy stuff lol