everything was supposed to start to get better this year but it hasn't. now this year's nearly over and everything is so much worse than it was. i didn't think it was possible for things to get worse but obviously i was wrong. i hate my life. i know i say it over and over and over but it's true. i hate everything about it. i hate how my family make me feel and i hate the person i've become. they hate me too. everyone hates me. everything's so confusing. i spent most of today on my own. noone would talk to me because i took a sick day from work. it's all so stupid. i already felt bad enough because i wasn't feeling good but they made me feel so much worse. when any of my friends are sick, their parents are at least nice to them and try help them feel better but mine are always the opposite. i don't understand it. they really hate me and i dunno what i've done wrong. they don't want me here. they said the only reason they let me come home here at the weekends is so i can go to work and if i lose my job, that's it. it's no longer my home and i'm not welcome here. i can't stop crying. they keep hurting my feelings more and more. i should be able to block it out by now but i can't. they don't care about me. i hate christmas. i hate being at home, i hate college, i hate work, i hate everything. my life is pointless. this is my first christmas without a cat. i miss junior. he was only a baby last christmas and now he's gone. whenever they used to make me sad, i'd always bring junior into my bedroom with me and he'd cuddle me until i felt better. he always made me smile. but now i'm on my own.