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Down time



Well it's Friday night and I find myself in the usual state. 2 percacet's and an oxy at 7pm and a half a bottle of rum later I feel fine. The numb makes me remember how I was before.

The only time I feel OK is Friday or Saturday night. I am aware enough to realize that the only reason I feel good is because of drugs and alcohol but it's really a matter of make believe happiness.

Sick and tired of spending a week having the poeple in my life tell me how I should think or feel. Damn, if I had control of those things I would have no issues at all.

The only thing that stops me from doing what I should is the fact that I would not want to hurt my wife and family. She has stood by me and has been my friend for so many years and I would not want to out her through the hell of the aftermath of my checking out. I lost a nephew last spring to suicide and after seeing what it has done to our immediate and extended families I could not put the poeple I love through that pain.

So I continue to endure a week of pain to make it to my Friday of happiness, I know it's not right but it gets me through.

Yep, loaded and blubbering but damn, honest with myself for at least a moment


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u don't want to hurt ur wife?

well 4 petes sake Timothy drinking a bottle of rum on those pills sounds absolutely frightening enough.

that really sounds scary and would you be kind enough to let me know that you even woke up

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Yes I am awake and sorry for causing concern.

Just my way of getting through the week and likely should have kept my comments to myself but was a little "uninhibited".

I am not coping well with my stress lately.

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Hey tim

im glad you shared with us how your feeling, im sorry your low at the moment,

we all get through our weeks anyway we can, as long as we manage to get through them thats the main thing right ?

hang in there tim, hope things become less stressful for you soon

take care


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