Just got done talking to my 15 yr old cousin. She's not doing too well ... she's been dealing with depression for almost a year now, is trying not to SI again, trying to stay away from drugs&alcohol because she knows that there's addiction in our family... she's just so down. I see so much of myself in her, and in her situation. I don't want her to take the same roads that I did .. I want her to be better than that. She's stronger than that. & she has a MUCH better relationship with her parents than I ever did. I know that the relationship with her mom isn't going so well these days, but she still feels like she can talk to her - and sometimes, that's all that matters. I'm glad that she's able to talk to me & I'm glad that I can be there for her & help her see what paths just lead to destruction. I just kinda feel like crap now. She's going through A LOT of the same things that I went through... but I never had anyone talk to about all of it. I never had anyone listen to me or say "don't do that, it's dumb" or anyone who even cared enough to realize that anything was wrong! I never told my parents about ANY of my abusive past (no, that's not what she's going through ... just venting now) until I was 17 years old. Neither of them had any clue & once I told them, they called me a liar. Why does that happened? What did I ever do? Ugh ... just having a really hard day. Missing my cousin, wishing she was here for me to hug & tell her everything's gonna be alright ... missing my kiddos .. Just trying to stay positive.

It's not working well, though.