Well, not ratting on her argues that it's not really narcissism that you're feeling. :-)

Lots of people have a strong feeling of justice that doesn't actually correspond very well with what actually happens in the real world ...

Instead of recognition specifically, is it possible to ask management for some feedback on how you're doing? Most managers will try to give constructive feedback (praise as well as things to change) when approached by a calm employee who is trying to determine how they're doing.

I don't know what it is but when I read the symptoms, it feels like a light version of narcissism...

The justice thing. Sure, but I have to learn to deal or something... I have to realize that when people praise you, or any one else, there are some times when you won't even find out. Should it not be enough to feel like I did my best?

But it's true, I could ask for feedback. But I fear that it wont be that great as, the company is so disorganized, I do my best but it doesn't seem enough as I don't know enough, and I feel like my position is redundant.

When I accepted the position, I thought it was a good choice, according to the information I had at the time. Now I feel I made a mistake.

We'll see...

When I am pretty stressed out, I tend to be angry and I don't want to go there. It makes me a really really bad person to be around. There's I treshold I can deal with , with all my relaxation techniques and soothing and exercising...but now it seems I've gone too far. There's still some stuff I have to learn but this is the hardest for me It seems. I just don't get it. I don't know how to solve this painful situation. the steps... what to work on...

help me g.

You "fear" that the feedback won't be "that great". But at least it's information, assuming it will be unbiased. And your fear could easily be worse than the reality. You might find that you're not even a little bit redundant, though you might have trouble accepting that. ;-)

I'm angry all the time at work, and I hate it. Not only does it seem unimportant work, it's poorly managed. But what actually makes me angry isn't even their fault: I need to keep this high-paying job in order to pay for the house that I own with my wife, in addition to my apartment. I resent having to keep coming here just to make all that easier. In other words, if I don't separate out the causes, it's quite possible that someone will end up having to deal with my anger when they don't even deserve it. So I'd better get to work on that, eh? ;-)