Jump to content
Mental Support Community

I blew it


Obsolete
 Share

Recommended Posts

So this girl I've been chatting with for the last couple of days now, tells me straight up on WhatsApp that she kind of likes me, this happened on Tuesday, and long story short, I blew it today. She became more and more distant over the course of the day (perhaps it was my deodorant..?). It stings a little inside because finally a girls shows interest without me having done anything but be myself, and I go right ahead and fuck it up in less than 24hrs. Well, it was bound to happen anyway. Just ranting I'm sorry I know this has nothing to do with SPS but I didn't know where else to post it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Pax said:

 It's actually cheaper than marriage in the long run, no risk of divorce courts, and no constant dick measuring to make sure you're worthy enough for penetration of her majesty.

P.S. There are obviously exceptions as IrmaJean clearly shows, and maybe some non-westernized women.

I don't mean this in a bad way or anything, I'm just asking. Are you mgtow now? You don't have to answer if you deem it a stupid question.

Anyway , i definitely don't have it. It's just fucking painful watching all your friends that fit in the "loser" category with you back in highschool now get their shit together and getting married and what have you. But yeah I think I'll just stick to my masturbator and occasionally (like tomorrow) visit an escort. Besides the girl is proper thick, and although I really like that type of body, I find intimidating too, for obvious reasons.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey TDB my guess is that if she was talking to you she was talking to other guys and one of them just closed the deal faster.  Nothing wrong that you did.  

And just to chime in, I am kind of mgtow by default and have been so long before the term existed. Like Pax I don't see any benefit to labeling myself as such but I do get some of what their saying.  What are your thoughts?  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Hey TDB my guess is that if she was talking to you she was talking to other guys and one of them just closed the deal faster.  Nothing wrong that you did.  

And just to chime in, I am kind of mgtow by default and have been so long before the term existed. Like Pax I don't see any benefit to labeling myself as such but I do get some of what their saying.  What are your thoughts?  

 

Well when I was younger I used to toy with idea of getting married,  having plenty of kids and being a responsible father. But over the years I've lost that vision, not due to the nature of women necessarily but because of my own inadiquacies. If I understand mgtow correctly, it is largely based on the nature of women, how they love what you can do/provide for them. Your resources and not you per sè. Another major issue is the courts which seem to be in the business of destroying men's lives rather than justice. So I get why mgtow exists and I'm all for it. Rather safe than sorry.

I just feel I can't call myself one because my reason's for not going the marriage route are based on my own inabilities to attract a woman/women so perhaps I belong in the foreveralone category. But I'm definitely done with the idea of marriage and especially kids. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Pax said:

 I suppose you reach a point when not gettin' any becomes such an ingrained part of your life that you don't even regret it. It's like being next to a billionaire and not really feeling anything because I never had it and never will, like fantasy. 

This is how i was feeling before the girl showed interest. I was minding my own business doing my own thing. I was just talking to her with no expectations whatsoever. She asked for my numbers and texted me first and after a while, she told me she likes me. It felt good to be wanted so I went along with it and now I'm here nursing my bloody wounds because I forgot my place in life. 

 

You're right Pax. Prostitutes are the way to go...the only way to go for me anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is she someone in your circle of friends and family or outside of it? And I don't think you blew it, it just didn't happen. And you're not a loser or any of that self depricating bullshit, you're a good guy with a lot to give. I love you, man. Stay positive and keep your chin up. ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

Is she someone in your circle of friends and family or outside of it? And I don't think you blew it, it just didn't happen. And you're not a loser or any of that self depricating bullshit, you're a good guy with a lot to give. I love you, man. Stay positive and keep your chin up. ☮

Just a girl I met at college. I know and have hung out with her friends and they're all cool but I don't consider any of them my friends. Just people I know.

 

Thanks for the kind words brother. They mean more to me than you know. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know that personally, it'd be the embarrassment of being outed as a small guy where I study or live that would put me right off talking to girls and I'd sabotage the crap out of it. But by the sounds of it this one seems to have come out the blue a bit. I'm wondering if it'd be easier talking to girls from outside your area? So if, by chance something happens you'd have some wiggle room. If you were honest with a girl and told her the truth about who you are and she reacted judgementally, it wouldn't blow your personal life to smithereens in the process. I know from working in telesales most of my life that results is a numbers game and I truly believe that it's all planned out if you let it unfold. But even now, I have a real hard time explaining to my wife the relentless anxiety and stress that this shit brings on, so I'm not be any means saying put yourself out there totally, I definitely don't do it. It's not easy. And tbh I don't think there's anything more painful than knowing something could have been a potential relationship and at the same time knowing it could never happen, at least not now or here. I personally went out my area and that's how I met my wife, I think it was the not identifying with the old me that let the newer me have a chance of happiness. ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

I know that personally, it'd be the embarrassment of being outed as a small guy where I study or live that would put me right off talking to girls and I'd sabotage the crap out of it. But by the sounds of it this one seems to have come out the blue a bit. I'm wondering if it'd be easier talking to girls from outside your area? So if, by chance something happens you'd have some wiggle room. If you were honest with a girl and told her the truth about who you are and she reacted judgementally, it wouldn't blow your personal life to smithereens in the process. I know from working in telesales most of my life that results is a numbers game and I truly believe that it's all planned out if you let it unfold. But even now, I have a real hard time explaining to my wife the relentless anxiety and stress that this shit brings on, so I'm not be any means saying put yourself out there totally, I definitely don't do it. It's not easy. And tbh I don't think there's anything more painful than knowing something could have been a potential relationship and at the same time knowing it could never happen, at least not now or here. I personally went out my area and that's how I met my wife, I think it was the not identifying with the old me that let the newer me have a chance of happiness. ☮

 I thought about heading out of my area and participating in different events and hobbies so i can meet new people and hopefully someone to love but to be honest, all that sounds like a lot of effort and money just to find a potential someone and who knows how long they'll be there for. 

Besides I think my time is up man. I have failed to develope the necessary social skills to be out there mingling with people. I think I should just accept my life is shit for good. The only thing keeping me here is my fear of hell otherwise I would have taken drastic measures a long time ago.

I've been alone long enough that it doesn't hurt all that much anymore. There are bad days of course, but I've learned to deal with them. What hurts me now is that I let myself think that I may actually have a chance at happiness with a woman.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, TinyBlackDick said:

You're right Pax. Prostitutes are the way to go...the only way to go for me anyway.

Tbd, I deleted most of my previous comments. Folks don't want to read my twattle, and it's worth noting that I'm an extreme case. It's unlikely most guys have reached the same point I have because I've always suffered from an extreme lack of self confidence/esteem/manhood. It is possible for small/medium penis guys to have meaningful relationships. I might caution you against the hookup scene because it's fundamentally a different class of women you'll find there, but there is ample proof on this forum that it can happen, especially if you have the confidence. That's the most important thing. Mgtow can give you aspects of that, as you said yourself when you mentioned this happened out of the blue. 

I guess bottom line what I'm trying to say is don't read too much into this episode. Just keep doing your thing and do what makes you happy. Exercise and work out too, if you're healthy and young. Anyway, take care, you're an engaging, thoughtful guy with a sense of humor so you'll be fine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the nicest possible way, that's bollocks :) you just told us in your original post that this girl liked you when you were being yourself. Ok, so it wasn't the right one to follow through, but the mingling thing doesn't add up. You're attractive to women before the body issues crop up so you're not some emotionally stunted gibbering moron, you're clearly smart and plugged in, more so than most because you know how it feels to be treated and feel like crap (pretty much the emotional m.o. for most women). We're more on the ball in the world of women than we know. Ok, so for the most part they're no better than men and they can be judgemental and cruel, but that's human nature. "If it's them, it's not me". It's an archaic defence mechanism that's still pretty effective for stuffing emotions in the ignore hole, but in truth we're all vulnerable and scared. I accept that you've given up to some extent, it's part of the condition, I've done it myself enough times. But judge one man by his cock size and condemn all men to be nothing but dicks. I dunno, I just hate this place sometimes, it's so full of potential and misery all rolled up into a ball of frustration that just keeps hitting the persistent brick wall of SPS. ☮ 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, TinyBlackDick said:

my fear of hell

instead of stating my views, allow me to quote einstein himself:

Quote

I do not believe in immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it.

Quote

I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the type of which we are conscious in ourselves. An individual who should survive his physical death is also beyond my comprehension, nor do I wish it otherwise; such notions are for the fears or absurd egoism of feeble souls.

Quote

I see only with deep regret that God punishes so many of His children for their numerous stupidities, for which only He Himself can be held responsible; in my opinion, only His nonexistence could excuse Him.

lmao!

 

Quote

I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own — a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms.

Quote

The man who is thoroughly convinced of the universal operation of the law of causation cannot for a moment entertain the idea of a being who interferes in the course of events—that is, if he takes the hypothesis of causality really seriously. He has no use for the religion of fear and equally little for social or moral religion. A God who rewards and punishes is inconceivable to him for the simple reason that a man's actions are determined by necessity, external and internal, so that in God's eyes he cannot be responsible, any more than an inanimate object is responsible for the motions it goes through.

 

Quote

Einstein distinguished three human impulses which develop religious fear: fear, social or moral concerns, and a cosmic religious feeling. A primitive understanding of causality causes fear, and the fearful invent supernatural beings analogous to themselves. The desire for love and support create a social and moral need for a supreme being; both these styles have an anthropomorphic concept of God.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_and_philosophical_views_of_Albert_Einstein#Pantheism_and_Spinoza.27s_God

he wasn't a genius for nothing. i mean the guy is a physicist, a philosopher and a psychologist lol.

disclaimer: none of these are meant to offend anyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

In the nicest possible way, that's bollocks :) you just told us in your original post that this girl liked you when you were being yourself. Ok, so it wasn't the right one to follow through, but the mingling thing doesn't add up. You're attractive to women before the body issues crop up so you're not some emotionally stunted gibbering moron, you're clearly smart and plugged in, more so than most because you know how it feels to be treated and feel like crap (pretty much the emotional m.o. for most women). We're more on the ball in the world of women than we know. Ok, so for the most part they're no better than men and they can be judgemental and cruel, but that's human nature. "If it's them, it's not me". It's an archaic defence mechanism that's still pretty effective for stuffing emotions in the ignore hole, but in truth we're all vulnerable and scared. I accept that you've given up to some extent, it's part of the condition, I've done it myself enough times. But judge one man by his cock size and condemn all men to be nothing but dicks. I dunno, I just hate this place sometimes, it's so full of potential and misery all rolled up into a ball of frustration that just keeps hitting the persistent brick wall of SPS. ☮ 

Thanks for calling me out on my bullshit. ?I guess I'm not usually the emotionally stunted gibbering moron most of the time. I think the reason for her interest was because I tend to keep to myself and go on about my life. I do talk to people but with girls i tend to keep it short and sweet so I think that builds a sense of mystery about me, a sense of 'who is that guy and what's he all about?' I'm studying sound engineering so there aren't many girls in our group. In fact there's only 3 girls in the entire class of 32 and only 2 of the girls are really good looking. The girl im talking about is one of the pretty ones but the only thick one of the girls so she's been hogging a lot of the attention. A lot of the guy's have already been chasing her and she's noticed that she's on many guys radar. I'm guessing the reason for her attention was that i wasnt chasing. I'd greet her and talk to her and her friends yes but after that I'd go and do my own thing. I had no expectations, I wasn't trying to impress any of them either. Perhaps that made her wonder about me.

But I do get nervous in the presence of BIG personalities and in those cases I do turn into a mumbbling idiot or a very quiet timid weirdo. Hence I say I can't go out and mingle. I don't have the personality nor confidence for it. When I'm intimidated by a person then I tend to just laugh and giggle and nod and and and. I hate that about myself. 

Pax said I'm engaging, you say I'm smart. I say I'm neither of those things but I certainly appreciate the compliments.?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Resolute said:

instead of stating my views, allow me to quote einstein himself:

lmao!

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_and_philosophical_views_of_Albert_Einstein#Pantheism_and_Spinoza.27s_God

he wasn't a genius for nothing. i mean the guy is a physicist, a philosopher and a psychologist lol.

disclaimer: none of these are meant to offend anyone.

I think one statement from a friend really hit home. Its very simple but it got me thinking. He said to an atheist that "if I'm wrong and you're right then I have nothing to worry about. If I die I die and so there isn't any everlasting regret or pain and suffering in that case. However if I'm right and you're wrong then you've got a whole lot of suffering to endure."

As for how God rewards and punishes His creation, well it's his creation, maybe he is cruel but I have no power to tell Him so and to advise Him otherwise. It's kind of those "is what it is" type things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, TinyBlackDick said:

I think one statement from a friend really hit home. Its very simple but it got me thinking. He said to an atheist that "if I'm wrong and you're right then I have nothing to worry about. If I die I die and so there isn't any everlasting regret or pain and suffering in that case. However if I'm right and you're wrong then you've got a whole lot of suffering to endure."

actually, he has plenty to worry about (and so do you). i wouldn't exactly call living in constant worry and fear of some mythical entity your entire life "nothing".

furthermore, all the evidence points to the nonexistence of god and afterlife etc. or at the very least there isn't a shred of evidence, or even indication, to the contrary. in other words: you live in constant fear, worry, stress etc because of something that has 0.00001% chance of being true.

 

Quote

As for how God rewards and punishes His creation, well it's his creation, maybe he is cruel but I have no power to tell Him so and to advise Him otherwise. It's kind of those "is what it is" type things.

well, evidence for determinism is beyond reproach; and no reward and punishment can conceivably be just given that fact (as einstein mentioned as well). so if god is unjust and unreasonable, then there really are no guarantees with him anyway. i mean even if you do everything he supposedly asked of you, you might still enter hell, just for the hell of it (pun intended).

also, ask your friend: how does he know which religion and sect of the thousands available is approved by god (if any)? and how can he be certain that some of these religions/sects aren't worse in god's eyes than atheism?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Einstein also said insanity was doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I like that one. And as for God, I'm already in a hell of my own creation. Love does not oppose. I take full responsibility for thinking I was apart from God and recognise that I only live in dreams of separation. When I sleep I dream of crowds of buildings of people and pain and suffering and fear, but there's nobody here but me, nobody here but you. A maladaptive solution to a non existent problem. God's son cannot die but he can sleep, in the Bible it says that Adam fell into a deep sleep, nowhere does it say he woke up. I rest in God and recognise that there is nothing here that works long term. We're all on borrowed time. I love the people I care about and forgive the people who appear as foe, they're my brothers and it'll all make sense in the end. The problem that I face is that I came here for a reason, not by mistake. I like the idea of being separate, that way I'm right, God hates me and I'm hard done to. It's something I don't want to give up, but eventually I'll have to. God is love, but in the dream he's interpreted by the wrong mind and becomes wrathful. But when I think of safety I think of being safe in my father's/mother's arms not cowering in fear of his/her punishment. 

I was wrong, he's perfect love and so am I. I cry and hide while safe in bed dreaming a nightmare. He just sits patiently for me to wake up. 

I don't talk about finding Christ in myself on here much, but from a pessimistic atheist to realising that finding God is experiential, nobody can find him for you, and once you've found him, nobody can take him away ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

Einstein also said insanity was doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I like that one. And as for God, I'm already in a hell of my own creation. Love does not oppose. I take full responsibility for thinking I was apart from God and recognise that I only live in dreams of separation. When I sleep I dream of crowds of buildings of people and pain and suffering and fear, but there's nobody here but me, nobody here but you. A maladaptive solution to a non existent problem. God's son cannot die but he can sleep, in the Bible it says that Adam fell into a deep sleep, nowhere does it say he woke up. I rest in God and recognise that there is nothing here that works long term. We're all on borrowed time. I love the people I care about and forgive the people who appear as foe, they're my brothers and it'll all make sense in the end.

bad "poetry" doesn't solve anything. if you have anything of substance to say, i'll be more than happy to hear/read it.

 

Quote

The problem that I face is that I came here for a reason, not by mistake.

how do you know this exactly? right, you saw it in a dream. perhaps i should also use whatever you're using to have such enlightening dreams and "find christ" while i'm flying way high in the sky/heaven.

 

Quote

I like the idea of being separate, that way I'm right, God hates me and I'm hard done to. It's something I don't want to give up, but eventually I'll have to. God is love, but in the dream he's interpreted by the wrong mind and becomes wrathful.

you figured that out all by yourself, did you? i don't suppose you have anything to substantiate it, do you? of course not; only hollow new age gibberish.

 

Quote

But when I think of safety I think of being safe in my father's/mother's arms not cowering in fear of his/her punishment. 

I was wrong, he's perfect love and so am I. I cry and hide while safe in bed dreaming a nightmare. He just sits patiently for me to wake up. 

I don't talk about finding Christ in myself on here much, but from a pessimistic atheist to realising that finding God is experiential, nobody can find him for you, and once you've found him, nobody can take him away ☮

believe me, he does not wanna be found by me, or any of the many he's screwed over. but you're right that "nobody can take him away" from me, because him and i shall dance.

sorry yahweh, nothing personal; i'm just tired of all the religious/spiritual nonsense of people.

220px-Peace_sign.svg.png although i personally prefer: mercedes-benz-symbol.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Resolute That's the reason I avoid sharing my beliefs lol. It's my experience, if it doesn't fit in with yours, then cool, it doesn't fit in. But I'm not on the attack, I've done enough of that for one lifetime. I'm just being honest with TBD. He seemed to be struggling with his relationship with God so I reached out with what I believe and what has helped me. ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...