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Owning It


Lodz
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I am short. I am small bodied. I am okay looking and stay in good shape, but other than having ample body hair, i lack in what they call masculinity. Tiny hands and feet. Skinny arms. No muscularity no matter how much i work out. And a voice like a 14 year old boy. I have my issues with all of these and how they affect the way i am seen. "Omg you have tiny feet!" "May i speak with your mom or dad?" From women: "How much do you weigh? Omg i am so jealous."

But mainly i feel so hung up on it because of my penis. I feel like if i had a halfway decent dick size, i'd shrug off or even laugh off those other things, knowing that i'm not small where it counts. I could be one if those cocky little guys that's the leader type. The short guy alpha everyone wonders, i wonder why he's so confident.

But that's exactly where i'm the smallest.

Conversely, i feel like if i had a bigger manlier body, i could play the macho stud part and nobody would ever guess, but the way i present, everyone probably assumes i'm hung like a kindergartener. Most women i've been with didn't act surprised when they saw it, let me put it that way.

In my mind, i am not a man at all, but some type of 39 year old boy who never quite made it. Women who are attracted to me are somehow flawed (latent pedos?) or easily tricked into liking me despite me being so obviously undesirable. My wife must have been desperate, and must only be with me because she doesn't want to be alone, and she thinks i'm the best she could do.

So it's the triple threat. Small body. Small dick. Small self esteem...

Unless i can own it. If i can be that guy who's like, yeah i have a small dick. So what? Be able to joke about it. Be comfortable in my own skin and able to live life like i should be. I have had those moments, but they never last.

So as things are, i live like a zombie, lost in my own dark fantasies and sexual fantasies most of the time. I don't see people as potential friends, but as beings to be feared. Some day they're all going to make fun of me. Someine's going to find out and tell them i am even smaller than they assume. I size other men up by how big i imagine their dicks to be, and (this kills me) those i imagine are bigger, i respect more and i'm kinder to. Without meaning to or noticing it, i am completely deferential toward them. Women instantly think eww gross as soon as they see me. Men and women think, heh heh. Tiny guy lol.

I wanna own it. But apparently not as bad as i want to escape it.

 

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I love you, man. You're a man to me. flawed? Yeh, maybe, like we all are. I wish you were in the UK or something so we could chat on the phone etc. I know how you feel, owning it would be amazing, but even people who own it don't own it, own it. It's hard. I'm glad you're in here, we all need eachother and luckily we have eachother. ☮☮☮

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1 hour ago, YOTH said:

I love you, man. You're a man to me. flawed? Yeh, maybe, like we all are. I wish you were in the UK or something so we could chat on the phone etc. I know how you feel, owning it would be amazing, but even people who own it don't own it, own it. It's hard. I'm glad you're in here, we all need eachother and luckily we have eachother. ☮☮☮

Thank you so much for that. You are good people. 

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@Lodz wow this post was raw and so real.

You have friends here and we'll never make fun of you because we're living a similar hell ourselves. I completely agree that we should somehow "own our smallness" but that is a helluva lot easier said than done.

I don't have your exact struggles because I'm 6'1" tall with broad shoulders. I use to be skinny but I've now put on a little weight. To look at me you'd probably assume that I would be fairly well hung (at least average) but when the clothes come off it's an entirely different story. I am proportional every where but where I feel it counts. My body size makes my penis look even smaller than it is so I'm a walking fraud.

How do we force ourselves to own it? I want to get to the point where I no longer go into a panic attack when someone sees me nude. I want to stop hiding myself from my wife out of shame. I want to feel like a man but how?

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Wow, I can relate to what you said about giving extra respect to other guys whom I knew or suspected had more meat in the pocket.  I absolutely did that for much of my life.  I don't give a crap anymore, but I wish I thought this way many years ago.  People definitely pick up on someone who thinks they're of little account.

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On ‎11‎/‎3‎/‎2017 at 8:55 AM, Lodz said:

@Small i'm 5'6

My brother-in-law is shorter than you and my father-in-law is only an inch taller. My wife's entire family is of smaller stature (she's 5' and her mom is even shorter than that).

I know the BiL had problems in school driven by his stature but he seems to have done okay as an adult. I don't know that my FiL ever had any issues.

I'm not sure of either's penis size but both seem to act like they are something special (almost cocky about being shorter). I think it's a mindset and self esteem thing that drives this attitude in them.

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