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Nothing in my life makes sense


Fedupwithlife
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I'm at my wits end, I can't go on and I don't know how to move on.  I have deep issues with my sexuality and my tiny cock.  I 'm married (30 years) to a lovely girl but have always been insecure about my size.  I'm convinced she cheats at every opportunity.  At the same time I have risky sex with men I meet online, although I'm not sure i am bi or gay.  I don't like gay porn, but I seek out hung guys to give blow jobs to.  Do I do this because I'm so small?  I hate myself afterwards and it's only a matter of time till I get caught.  I drink too much and use large amounts of cocaine to cope with this confusion, and think about killing myself every day.  Several times I have set a date to do it.  Sorry if this makes no sense, I've had a few, but just have to get this off my chest.

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Hey Fedup sounds like you are transversing some rough waters.  I know that sex & drugs are some people's idea of heaven but if it's making you suicidal then obviously something ain't working for you.  If you want to change how you are living you will have to try some new things and hope to catch a break.  That's my best advice. I wish you well.   

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Hello and welcome! :) 

I'm glad to see you decided to got it off your chest. I hope very much you won't end by that and you'll gradually try to analyze your problems more deeply and it will help you not just to understand, but also to gain some control over your behaviour and make your life better (-the suicidal thoughts disappear, ...). Hopefully we could be of some help and writing here would somehow help...

 

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@Fedupwithlife Don't be so hard on yourself, mate. I know what you mean about being confused as to why you'll do certain things even they don't seem to turn you on in porn. It's usually deep-seated in childhood, I know mine was. For a while there I didn't know if I was coming or going. Back when I was paranoid (doing coke, drinking etc) I thought my gf was cheating on me all the time. I had no reason to think she was, she didn't really have the time even if she wanted to but my mind would make up weird scenarios where she lied about when she finished work or whatever and was fucking a guy in work. it's pretty common when we're in that mindset of hating ourselves, we see what we do in other people, but that's just a bit of pesky projection. If I feel like I'm a piece of shit, then it's stands to reason that they're a piece of shit too. But we're usually way off, whenever I really thought about whether or not she would cheat it wasn't even up for debate, she wouldn't. I knew she wouldn't, but I was judging her by my standards and from experience, that's not wise. Drugs and booze also activate us to do things we'd dismiss or ignore if we were sober, not to mention the hangover usually made me like a sexual deviant. Give yourself a break and don't break your own balls. You're in here looking for something which means you're ready to change what you want to change. So keep posting and good luck with it. We all deserve to happy even when we don't believe that we do. ☮

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just wanted to remind you that there is a whole section of the mentalsupportcommunity forums that is dedicated to SPS (Small Penis Syndrome). It is fucking great. So much information and stories. I just discovered it myself yesterday and I know I will be an active member for some time. Here's the link: http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/forum/30-small-penis-syndrome/

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  • 1 month later...

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