Can't convince myself I have a good sized penis

[therebetruth]

I'm 20, been overweight, then obese and at one point morbidly obese since age 11 onwards, currently sitting at 250lbs

Throughout school I always thought I just had a very small penis and that was that, because I didn't know about weight affecting size, went to doctors twice and they said my weight was the issue but I still didn't see the correlation because they didn't explain it just said it was my weight

A year ago I discovered the correlation between weight and size, so I measured myself bone pressed and my penis bone pressed is 6.4-6.5x5 erect and 4.2x4.1 flaccid, whereas my NBP is 4.5x5 erect and like 2x4.1 flaccid, so you can see the issue

I know my weight is the issue deep down, but I keep convincing myself it's useless to lose weight, I must be measuring wrong, no way I could have a normal sized dick nah not me, so I can't convince myself of something I know, I measure it multiple times a day, get the same measurements every time, but still convince myself I'm wrong

I've even dropped 50lbs and seen size come back for myself but I can still convince myself I'm imagining things

So while being in denial about it I can't find the motivation to lose weight, meaning the issue won't get better, making me feel worse, it's a vicious cycle I can't seem to break, can't see myself as anything other than a guy with a tiny dick

[Lodz]

You know you're around average (actually a little bigger), yet you can't help but feel like you're small. You know your weight makes it look smaller, but you feel like it doesn't. You have cognitive dissonance.

I have dealt with incorrect negative beliefs about myself with EMDR therapy. Not around my penis size directly, as that is actually very small. But around feeling like i am not worthy, don't belong, i'm less than. Things i believed (and sometimes still believe) in part because of my size. EMDR therapy laser focuses on negative beliefs and helps you reprocess them and replace them with more balanced realistic (and poaitive) perceptions. It doesn't work for everyone but works like a charm on me.

[therebetruth]

1 hour ago, Lodz said:

You know you're around average (actually a little bigger), yet you can't help but feel like you're small. You know your weight makes it look smaller, but you feel like it doesn't. You have cognitive dissonance.

I have dealt with incorrect negative beliefs about myself with EMDR therapy. Not around my penis size directly, as that is actually very small. But around feeling like i am not worthy, don't belong, i'm less than. Things i believed (and sometimes still believe) in part because of my size. EMDR therapy laser focuses on negative beliefs and helps you reprocess them and replace them with more balanced realistic (and poaitive) perceptions. It doesn't work for everyone but works like a charm on me.

Sounds about right, I often have thoughts of hurting myself, or just packing up and disappearing as a form of self punishment as if I deserve to be punished for who I am, always feel less than everyone so you nailed that

[LaLa]

Hi. @therebetruth, welcome!  

Your first post made me wonder why you're obsessed by this measuring and comparing to some "standard / average" length, while not seeming concerned about your physical health, mainly the impacts of your weight and diet on it. Is this measuring and obsessing some unconscious strategy to avoid the serious issues? Your second post can be seen as in line with it, but it also shows your problems go far behind "the obsession" and the weight. It must be very difficult to live with such self-hate and self-loathing  . It can also create vicious circles, like hating yourself for, among other things, how you look, and then punishing yourself by doing things that hurt you and make you look even worse in your eyes (like not caring enough about your diet / 'lifestyle'). I'm not at all saying that your obesity is your fault (it's obviously a fault of your parent(s) / caregiver(s) - if you agree and have ever felt angry about that, I wonder if you'd like this song about this topic : https://youtu.be/u_ElXYzFX_w (warning: Don't listen to it if this topic feels too sensitive to you! And if you listen to it, then you also 'have to' read the comment of the author posted below the lyrics, in the video 'description')). I'm just wondering about the mentioned possibility of the "length-obsession" and / or the self--hate to the topic you only mentioned "by the way", at the very beginning...

Lodz made a very compelling argument about a type of therapy that can be very helpful. What to you think about it? Have you already tried to find a good psychotherapist? If not, what would it take to give it a try? If yes, what have been your experiences?

Seeking help can be very difficult when one hates oneself and doesn't feel like deserving getting better  . I wish you to find enough motivation to take the necessary steps to get better. I hope that this community will help you to gain it (the motivation, as well as some new, useful insights)  .

Good luck!

 

[therebetruth]

21 minutes ago, LaLa said:

Hi. @therebetruth, welcome!  

Your first post made me wonder why you're obsessed by this measuring and comparing to some "standard / average" length, while not seeming concerned about your physical health, mainly the impacts of your weight and diet on it. Is this measuring and obsessing some unconscious strategy to avoid the serious issues? Your second post can be seen as in line with it, but it also shows your problems go far behind "the obsession" and the weight. It must be very difficult to live with such self-hate and self-loathing  . It can also create vicious circles, like hating yourself for, among other things, how you look, and then punishing yourself by doing things that hurt you and make you look even worse in your eyes (like not caring enough about your diet / 'lifestyle'). I'm not at all saying that your obesity is your fault (it's obviously a fault of your parent(s) / caregiver(s) - if you agree and have ever felt angry about that, I wonder if you'd like this song about this topic : https://youtu.be/u_ElXYzFX_w (warning: Don't listen to it if this topic feels too sensitive to you! And if you listen to it, then you also 'have to' read the comment of the author posted below the lyrics, in the video 'description')). I'm just wondering about the mentioned possibility of the "length-obsession" and / or the self--hate to the topic you only mentioned "by the way", at the very beginning...

Lodz made a very compelling argument about a type of therapy that can be very helpful. What to you think about it? Have you already tried to find a good psychotherapist? If not, what would it take to give it a try? If yes, what have been your experiences?

Seeking help can be very difficult when one hates oneself and doesn't feel like deserving getting better  . I wish you to find enough motivation to take the necessary steps to get better. I hope that this community will help you to gain it (the motivation, as well as some new, useful insights)  .

Good luck!

 

Honestly, the primary reason for me to lose weight is my size, my penis defines who I am, how much of a man I feel, how confident I am, and right now I have non of those things and have evolved to a point I feel like I don't deserve those things, I won't get those things, if I lose weight nothing will change and it'll still be the same size etc been a few times the only way I've known to forget it is to drink, not like a crazy number of times but there was one period all I wanted was weed and alcohol to try and avoid feeling like I feel

I was raised by a single mum, I put some blame on her for me starting off this way but I'm 20 I've had the chance to do something about it, she was busy working and taking care of other seriously ill family members so never had time to cook and fast food just made life easier for her, unfortunately it made life harder for us but im not too resentful over that

I told a doctor about how I feel, suicidal, depressed, scared etc and asked to go to a mental health clinic to find out what exactly is going on, but I didn't mention why I felt like I do because honestly I don't fully understand it and there's so much shit going on inside my head I wouldn't know where to begin explaining it, idk how it started, idk where I am now, its like opening a book on page 246 and trying to understand what's going on, but I have an appointment on  June 6th to find out what's wrong with me and maybe get diagnosed with something

Honestly all I want is a normal sized dick, I'm happy with who I am as a person, at my core im a good person but while I am like I am right now I don't even know who I am, thought I still try my hardest to help others in need because that's the only thing that ever brought me true happiness

[LaLa]

Thank you for your answers and explanations!  

I know my post didn't sound particularly pleasant , but I wanted to point at some things that came to my mind (to make you think about the issues from a different point of view) as well as get a better picture of your situation. I can see several very positive things about you! Let's have a look at them:

First of all, kudos for being able not to drink too much and too often! Alcohol is a too accessible "self-medication" tempting to probably most suffering people without an actual help available - it's great you've been quite successful to resist it.

Also, your understanding and non-resentful attitude to your mom sounds very mature! As you perhaps know, it's an important part of growing-up to see more  objectively our upbringing and to loose all hateful blame we might have for our parents (if they haven't done anything 'monstrous', of course). At the same time, I should probably mention that in psychotherapy, it's often part of the healing to revisit all the 'wrongs' that parents caused us and even  to re-connect with some negative emotions (in order to later being able to 'let them go (hopefully) for good').

2 hours ago, therebetruth said:

I still try my hardest to help others in need because that's the only thing that ever brought me true happiness

No need to explain why I see this positively  . However, I still wish you very much to find also some other sources of happiness (which, of course, doesn't imply loosing this one). Searching for them, knowing yourself better and learning to accept yourself and get rid of the feeling of guilt and self-hate, would probably be key. That's also why the next very positive information is so important:

You've already reached out, not only by writing here, but also by talking to your doctor!

2 hours ago, therebetruth said:

I didn't mention why I felt like I do because honestly I don't fully understand it and there's so much shit going on

It's perfectly OK not to mention "everything" at the beginning (it can even take months of therapy to become able to talk about some issues!) - it would be impossible not only for you or "some people", but for literally everyone! We're all too complicated to be explained in a single conversation, no matter how long, and mental problems (and their causes and ramifications) are most often as complicated, confusing, and puzzling as you've described it. It reminds me of this excerpt (the first ~50 seconds) of a TV series which also reminds me of the beginning of my own therapy (my therapist answered to my worries about "not knowing what is relevant, where to start when there are too many things etc." in a very similar way )  : https://youtu.be/BDlBjJkRscg

 

2 hours ago, therebetruth said:

if I lose weight nothing will change

I get the point and according to some experiences of some other people, I know that this is often / sometimes (?) a case when one isn't "mentally prepared" to loose weight - the change doesn't help if some other change hasn't happened yet. And it's probable that this other change wouldn't happen without some professional help...

I wish you the best of luck for the appointment as well as the whole process of therapy!

 

[Lodz]

3 hours ago, therebetruth said:

 Honestly all I want is a normal sized dick

But you already have that! You just need to perceive it that way.

[therebetruth]

54 minutes ago, Lodz said:

But you already have that! You just need to perceive it that way.

Nah I mean like ya know, visible and usable, I know exactly what it takes to get it but I'm in so much doubt I can't bring myself to do it

Makes me upset thinking about guys who don't just have a fat pad and theres nothing they can do about their size, I feel the way I do and I can fix it and it makes me feel I have no right complaining and just imagining if there was nothing I could do about it I'd probably end my life, those guys are tough

[Lodz]

1 minute ago, therebetruth said:

Makes me upset thinking about guys who don't just have a fat pad and theres nothing they can do about their size, I feel the way I do and I can fix it and it makes me feel I have no right complaining and just imagining if there was nothing I could do about it I'd probably end my life, those guys are tough

Well I am one of those guys, and suicide has never seemed like a realistic option for me. So I'm grateful for that. But you know what you need to do. It's easier said than done. So you need encouragement and motivation. There are plenty of resources and programs for that.

[therebetruth]

10 minutes ago, Lodz said:

Well I am one of those guys, and suicide has never seemed like a realistic option for me. So I'm grateful for that. But you know what you need to do. It's easier said than done. So you need encouragement and motivation. There are plenty of resources and programs for that.

Think the first step for me is trying to affirm it to myself and make myself believe that it's what I need to do and that it'll help my size, making myself believe that is the hard part

[Lodz]

My advice (and like all advice, easier said than done) would be to focus on improving your health, stick to a diet and exercise regimen strictly for the improved health, and not focus so much on how it affects your penis. It could be 25 lbs before your dick looks different anyways. But being in shape improves how your mind and emotions work, and that is where the root of your problem is in the first place.

[therebetruth]

6 hours ago, Lodz said:

My advice (and like all advice, easier said than done) would be to focus on improving your health, stick to a diet and exercise regimen strictly for the improved health, and not focus so much on how it affects your penis. It could be 25 lbs before your dick looks different anyways. But being in shape improves how your mind and emotions work, and that is where the root of your problem is in the first place.

I care about health benefits but honestly they're secondary to me, the stupid thing is I've seen changes for myself when I lost weight, I dropped 50lbs and got some more of my dick back (I could tell because at 300 I couldnt grab my dick and jerk off normally because it was too small, now I can) and I can tell my testosterone levels have increased so I know it'll happen when I lose weight but I still can't fully convince myself