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Problems relating to people


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Lately I’ve noticed something I struggle with a lot, is really relating to other people. My brain is so different from everyone else’s and my anxieties revolving around change and people have kept me away from doing new things for so long that I really have nothing to relate to people with. I already avoid conversation as much as possible; however, when it does come up I end up saying something about someone else because I can’t relate to their experiences. I can’t really relate to anyone. Even setting the anxiety aside, my head and emotions just work and think so differently that i cant relate to how those around me feel and think. Even when a I think about my best friend, who has literally been my only friend my whole life, I really have problems with relating to how she is thinking and feeling. It’s something that has really bothered me lately, and I think it’s made me even more isolated than I already would have been and I didn’t even realize it. The thing is, I don’t know how to teach myself how to do that. I’ve taught myself to do a lot of things thus far in my life, but this is something I’m completely lost on. How do so even begin to tackle something like this? 

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Hi again, Jktw,

I wonder in what ways you are different and if it could be - as another forum member already suggested - related to some form of autism.

Would you try taking a few on-line tests and letting us know what the results suggested? For instance:



On-line testing is not reliable enough ( https://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx ), but perhaps it'll make you think deeper about your differences.

It's always better to know if your problem is an already known, well-descried condition, because if yes, then it should be easier to find appropriate help. If this is unrelated to autism, then we can start trying getting to know you better and help to figure out what could help.

Take care and good luck!



Edited by LaLa
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Thank you for your advice. I have taken these tests as well as a few others, and while I don’t believe I can fully say I’m autistic it does seem like I may have some autistic tendencies. I would like to go see someone about this and the other things I’ve been struggling with, but unfortunately this has been a crazy year and it just doesn’t seem like something I can reasonably do right now with everything else that has been going on. 

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Thank you for your reply and for taking the test and sharing the results with us! I hope that it's encouraging to you to know that you only seem to have some autistic tendencies.

I'm glad to hear that you're going to see a professional! (Even if it doesn't have anything to do with autism, there are reasons to do it; managing and eliminating your anxieties, improving your relating to others, ...) I wish you to find the time to do it soon as well as to find someone really good!

What is "going on" in your life (if you don't mind sharing)? Did your problems started / increased after those stresses / issues / ... had begun in your life?

Take care!


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Hello, Jktw, and welcome.

It sounds as though you would like to share meaningful, supportive friendships with others and that is wonderful. Do you think you are having difficulty relating to why someone feels as they do or is it that you have trouble understanding different feelings? If I'm trying to understand another person's experiences, I might start by thinking about how I would feel in their circumstances. If I can't relate to their response because I likely wouldn't have a similar response, then I try to relate to the feeling itself. How does it feel to be sad or angry, hurt, frustrated, lonely and how might I support that person inside that feeling? 

Autism can be a complex thing. It often doesn't look like what we would think of in a sterotypical sense. There is a wide spectrum and each person may be affected differently, in different areas. It can look quite different in each individual, according to severity, gender, and a number of other factors. Science is always evolving and hopefully we will learn more. Are your struggles new or have they been lifelong? Are there other things you struggle with, such as obsessive thoughts or difficulty with focus? 

I hope you find a therapist you have good rapport with who is both helpful and supportive of you.

Take care.

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