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I am weak!


goose
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I am weak.

Evidence for: I have depression. I have failed my son (ADHD). I can't stand up for myself. I have failed to reach my potential. I get emotional at inappropriate times. I am not assertive enough.

Evidence against : ???????

Sorry that was going around in my head all day, I had to write it down to get rid of it.

Goose

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Ha! Goosey, that's an easy one:

You have depression. You're still here, same as all those other folks who don't have that extra burden.

That means you're stronger, not weaker.

Pardon my directness; I'm trying to cut through the resistance that the depression will have to what I'm saying.

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Not to worry; many times I've needed someone else to shake me out of that old depressed groove.

I know it's not easy not to listen to the depression.

It's a big part of why we're here, after all, right? :-)

What's an "appropriate" time to get emotional? It sounds like something I might have said ... Isn't the appropriate time, whenever you feel the feeling? Now, we may mean different things by "getting emotional", but I mean, to feel the feeling. Acting on it sometimes needs to wait ...

It may give you a picture of how far I've come, lately, that I used to say that "never" was the "appropriate" time to get emotional ... Any wonder I was a wreck there, for a while? :-)

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By emotional I mean crying.

Inappropriate is crying (uncontrollably) when you are in a 2 hour meeting with a senior inspector from the department of education trying to put forward a case against my son's school principal. (ancient history now - thank God).

I'm with you on the "never" bit at the moment, hope to get where your are now soon.

Goose

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Depending on what the case was, it sounds pretty human.

Maybe it was too much to expect of yourself.

My mother died last November. I still haven't cried for her.

I'm getting there, though; I can feel it coming.

The change is, I'm beginning to welcome it.

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The main purpose of our complaint was to have our son treated fairly. He was being humiliated by putting him in the infant play yard at 11 years of age. Being separated from his friends. Refusing to allow him partake in sport - the only thing he is good at, refusing to accept the findings of his ed. psych. report ( principal's reaction "These psychologists!") and etc. etc.

Anyway the mere act of making a formal complaint achieved our goal and he was treated fairly for his remaining 2 years in that school.

My husband was at the meeting also so he continued while I sobbed.

You know in my opinion, once your grieve and grieve hard, you will feel better.

Goose

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I believe it (now), I'm just having trouble practicing it. :-)

That sounds like a pretty emotional experience to me, having to confront someone official who was hurting your son instead of doing his job, which is to help. And your husband was there to make the case. Your display may actually have helped, by showing how much it meant to you. Maybe you should be asking who said it was inappropriate? ;-)

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I didn't read it that way.

In the long run, you're absolutely right.

But I'm in the habit of burying any sort of feeling, so the whole idea of breaking down completely and letting it in ... isn't sitting that well with me, let's say. :-)

Especially something that big, and that permanent. I'd like to pretend she's still out there somewhere, even though I sat by her deathbed on the morning of the day she died.

I didn't take any offense from what you said.

I also didn't mean to hijack your thread. ;-)

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Hey goose

It sounds like you have had a very hard few years bringing up your son.

Bringing up children is never easy at the best of times, and it has obviously taken a great deal of determination and hardwork to manage to get as far as you have come.

Your skills as a moma shine through your words, and i hope one day you will be able to realise that it takes a strong persoon to be able to achieve the achievements you have made, both alone in life and with your family.To cry and display emotions does not make you weak....

It makes you human.

Chin up goose, and try not to be so hard on yourself

take care

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest ASchwartz

Hi Goose and others,

Let us remember that Cognitive Reframing is changing those automatic thoughts that are incorrect, not based on real evidence or facts and that end up causing us to feel anxious and/or depressed.

And, so, Goose, your statement about "inappropriate crying" at a two hour meeting over getting services for you child at a hearing, is it true that your crying was "inappropriate?"

How could you reframe that thought to reflect something more helpful to your self and more based on facts?

Allan

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I'll give it a go Allan.

Most people would get upset when discussing something that has distressed their child.

Crying is a natural emotion, I would not be apologising if I had got angry on his behalf.

Revealing how passionate you are about something is not weakness.

I can not mind read, I am only assuming that the Inspector would have a negative reaction to my crying, she could have equally have had a positive reaction.

Hows that for a start?

Goose

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