Depression is a curse

[goose]

Depression is a curse. It makes you think thing you don't want to think. It makes you want to do things that you don't want to do.

The distortion is the worst, you believe the distorted thoughts, you can't see beyond them.

Goose:(

[malign]

Yes, and one of those distortions is:

"It's all going to go wrong."

Can you talk that one out for us, goose? I bet we can help you find the distortion in it.

[goose]

My son has applied to do a course for people with mild learning disabilities. Even thought he has calmed down considerably since finishing main stream school, they will see in his past assessments and reports about his verbal outbursts. This is the end of the line if they don't accept him. He won't cope, I won't cope.

I always told him that there is nothing that can't be fixed, i don't believe it anymore. sometimes you just come to the end of the road.

Goose

Edited September 14, 2009 by goose
addition

[malign]

How many roads have you ever come to the end of, goose?

Most of them, there's still a path you can walk, if you leave the car behind.

Those that do dead-end, there is always a way around.

If you come to the ocean, rent a boat.

If you come to the edge of a desert, find a camel.

If you come to a cliff, there are airplanes or ropes.

Boy, am I relentlessly positive these days, or what? ;-)

[goose]

How do you keep walking when you get knocked down so many times you don't want to get up anymore ?.

[malign]

I don't know. But you do. :-)

Do you know a song by Paul Simon, from his Rhythm of the Saints album, called "Further to Fly"? It's like that. There's still further to fly, goosey.

[goose]

This Goose has had her wings clipped. . I will carry on for my childrens sake, I have a focus for this week. That will get me to Friday. After that who knows.

Goose

[malign]

Even with clipped wings, gooses don't die.

And feathers regrow. :-)

[goose]

Good point Malign, you're begining to help me turn my thinking around. I like that analogy. Thank you for your help tonight, you don't realize how much I needed it.

Goose

[malign]

Hon, please don't set arbitrary deadlines, like "Friday". They're going to keep needing you, you're going to keep needing you, long past any foreseeable deadline.

You see your daughter happy, and you have to "keep it together" ... It's almost as if her happiness makes it harder for you. Is there some way you can tap into her happiness and let it help you keep it together? She's happy because of some fleeting moments in her life; why are your "sads" so permanent?

[willy]

Dear goose,

I am new to this site and recently posted. After reading the kind posts, and reflecting I realize everything can be overcome and there is always an answer. The answer is often having a new perspective. In many of your lives, that will requiring us to push that re-set button often. And, trusting that when you can't see, someone else can for you, as Malign has done for you and you do for your children.

[goose]

I need to set deadlines otherwise I won't get through today, or tomorrow or the next day. I've set a goal to reach Friday and that will keep me safe until then.

My sadness comes from guilt - if I had been more assertive in the past things may have turned out different for my son and for my mother "That is regret" says my T, "not very productive thinking".

My mood does improve when my daughter is here, she is wonderful.

Goose

[malign]

if I had been more assertive in the past things may have turned out different for my son and for my mother

Is it even true, though? Isn't it possible that things might have turned out worse?

It's history, goosey. You're here now.

[rproctor]

My sadness comes from guilt - if I had been more assertive in the past things may have turned out different for my son and for my mother "That is regret" says my T, "not very productive thinking".

Hi Goose,

I hear you on guilt and regret. I feel those emotions on a daily basis... I regret what I did in my past, I regret how I have treated those that I love, I regret all the negative things I have done to myself, I regret so much of my life that it has built a great wall of guild over my mind and reality. Its a daily struggle for me to overcome it. I am filled with so much regret over my past that I am basically still living in it...

However, I try to remind myself that it is merely the past, and not the future. You cant hold onto things that hold you down, rather you just take them as a learning experience and move forward. If you hold onto so much regret and guilt you will never truly leave it in the past, where it belongs. I have ruined many things because I would live in regret, but I am here now trying to focus on the future, on my life, not on my past.

We will always do things we regret ("I should have bought the blue one instead of the red"), but you cant let that alter your perception of life to where it is impossible to move forward. Whatever happened in your past has already happened. There is no time machine to change what is done...

Try to find solace with where you are now, appreciate your past, but dont let it control you. Remember, you cant change it, you can only accept it.

[goose]

At least now, with my son I can put things right.

My Mam, on her death bed, in so much pain, begged me for more morphine.

My Dad (a Druggist) told me she couldn't have any more because it would suppress her breathing. I just walked away, I could have done or said something. I let her down.

Goose

[mscat]

At least now, with my son I can put things right.

My Mam, on her death bed, in so much pain, begged me for more morphine.

My Dad (a Druggist) told me she couldn't have any more because it would suppress her breathing. I just walked away, I could have done or said something. I let her down.

Goose

That is where the guilt is... You did not let her down .Your father let you know what would happen to her , and you listened to his advice. This is a positive. You did not let her down by not giving her the morphine,this would have impeded her breathing . A good chioce is what u made.

I have been through extreme phyical pain , been on a pain pump and all kinds of medications to try and help control the pain. Sometimes, even with the pain medications, their is still pain felt. It does not end. It is not always take the pain away . I have been there.

Your father was correct, and u did the right thing . Did not let her down at all.

Your son, he is trying to get into a program. That is awesome. Hoewever, will it really be the end of the roat if he does not get in? Aren't there other really good programs out there ? Your son, he's older then mine. i know soon I will be making decisions for his educational needs, too . I might even have to moce just so he can be in a good program.

glad your daughter is with you, at positive:)

[goose]

Thanks MsCat

I know my Dad was right, but my Mam saw me walk away. I had to leave the room because I couldn't bear to see her in so much pain. She did die peacefully a few days later in Hospital and we were all with her. 9 years on and it still feels very raw.

My son is 16, we had to take him out of mainstream school because he was not coping, which was why he was having these verbal outbursts. Unfortunately in this country there is no other avenue for him if he can't get on this course. My current dip in mood is due to an incident with my son last week - I really don't like the thoughts that come with it.

Thank you to everyone for their support and comments, it means a lot to me.

Goose

[goose]

Just read a new article by Allan which spoke about meaningless lives in relation to Depression and the following really struck a chord with me;

1. Realize that each life is important because, in one way or another, it impinges on the lives of others. Having one good friend, helping a neighbor, greeting someone warmly in the morning on the way to purchasing the newspaper, are all ways in which we have an important impact on others.

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_index.php?idx=119&d=1&w=5&e=30710

Goose

Edited September 15, 2009 by goose