I accidently hurt my puppy, now i need to hurt myself

[mscat]

Tragic day, so sumch pain and sadness right now. My little puppy was hurt because of me. Although it was an accident I still feel responsible. The SI is so strong right now , I can feel the SI on my skin.

I am devastated, and can't stop crying. My heart hurts, my head hurts and I just want to be in her place instead of my precious pup . The temptation is great, and I am in trouble with myself, I am aware of this, but, i can't cope with what i have done to my little miely boo. I am devastated.

[SweetSue]

Cathy

your still on line

talk to me ?

we can get through this rough patch together like you do with me , ok ?

take care

sue

[mscat]

thanks Sue , I took my meds early plus a vicodin to settle a splitting headache. It on not even 7am here in CA . I will try and get more rest , and have to wait for the phone call from the vet hospital. the waiting part is the most difficult.

I feel so lost , and helpless. just want to SI to be in pain like miely, and to punish myself for making her suffer and be in pain , it is horrble to know I caused this. Even though my brain knows this was an accident , I caused it. The guilt is tremendous , and the pain hurts me greatly to know I hurt my puppy serioulsy enough for to need surgery.

God, she is only a small puppy , a cute little furball who loves to play. I will try and get more sleep now, it is going to be a day for us, hoping and praying for miely.

I guess some people don;t give a crap, because it is only a puppy, maybe some people don't care. BUT, I do and love this puppy, we got her as a service dog. She is a special dog.

[SweetSue]

Hey Cathy,

I know this will be a difficult day for you today, people do care, people do give a crap, your feelings are real hun, and we all care !!!

Just try and be strong, Cathy, ok.

Your having a real shitty time of it all, this is just the most recent of problems and difficulties that you have had to deal with. You are going to be upset. Miely is a part of your family, she is in hospital, your stressed to the extreme. I know how much you care and love her, please try and be strong and kind to yourself.

I realise that you just want to feel the pain that Miely does, but thats not practical hun, we both know that this will only make matters worse.

Get as much rest as you can, do anything to take your mind of s/i'ing.

Call your brother and see if he can be with you whilst your son is at school.

we are all here for you Cathy

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT

Take care

sue

[JustTrying]

Hang in ther Cathy..... guilt can kill..... 2 of my dogs got out one day because I got drunk and passed out.... Only lone came back. I think about Billy all the time and beat myself up over his loss. Is he still alive? Will he come home one day? Or did the coyotees get him? Becausse of me my baby is gone.

I just wanted to let you know I can relate. Things happen and it may have happend anyways but with me drunk... I feel it was my fault.

Stay strong for your little puppy... she doesn't need you in the hospital. she needs you home to take care of her when she gets home.

Hugs, JT

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Cathy,

As someone who has 4 dogs, raised from small puppies, I know that accidents and injuries occur. That is why my thought is that "anything" can become an excuse for SI. I am not implying that you are not upset. Of course you are, BUT.

How did the puppy get injured?

Allan

[IrmaJean]

Even though my brain knows this was an accident , I caused it. The guilt is tremendous , and the pain hurts me greatly to know I hurt my puppy serioulsy enough for to need surgery.

I guess some people don;t give a crap, because it is only a puppy, maybe some people don't care. BUT, I do and love this puppy, we got her as a service dog. She is a special dog.

I don't personally believe that any living creature is "only" in any respect. She's your puppy and you love her so of course you are concerned.

Way back in 1989 I used to work at an animal hospital. One day I bathed a cat who had feline leukemia and put him in the isolation ward with a dryer. There was also a parrot in there. (He annoyed the vet with his constant chattering). At the time I was all of 21 years of age. I forgot to check on the cat. The room overheated...and disaster... I cried for weeks. Not because of my lost job, but because of the kitty and the bird that had been lost due to my error. It took me a very long time to make peace with what had happened. All of us make mistakes and sometimes terrible thing happen as a result. It sounds as if your puppy is going to be okay. That is a good thing.

I hope my telling you this story doesn't make things more upsetting for you. Hurting yourself won't help your puppy or change things. And your puppy still needs you.

I think sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for being human and just know and appreciate that we are. At the end of the day we can only do our best. Some of the most forgiving creatues in this world have paws and wet noses. I bet your puppy is one of them. Have you heard any word on her yet?

I hope that you feel better.

Beth

Edited October 6, 2009 by IrmaJean

[mscat]

thank you guys for your support, and shared stories of heartache and painful experiences with your own pets and animals.

Allen , my puppy is a 5 month old ShihTzu. I was grooming her last night and she had a large matt on her leg. I tried to use scissors to get the matt out, their was a little more matt left on her fur, so I wanted to finish gertting the matt out, well I accidently cut into her skin, which caused a laceration. I thougt she was going to be ok,I wrapped up her injury too, however, the next day I was trying to change her bandage, she bit the crap out of me several times, but I did get the bandage off, my brother came by and saw the injury, he let me know that it was bad, worse then I knew.

I called the vet, which is an hr away, nearly closing time, by then , I was in a panic, I lost it, and became hysterical . It hit me hard, and i think i was in a bit of shock after it initially happened , and did not want to know that I hurt her badly.

Well my brother and i rushed Miely to the hospital, barely making it before closing at 5pm . I thought the vet could just stitch the wound , and she would be fine, however he could not.

She had to have surgery, and be put under. I was so scared and upset, because I hurt her, even though it was accidental , I just felt like it was totally my fault, and this killed me.

I had to leave her overnight. Miely is now home , she has to wear a plastic collar around her neck , so she leaves the stitches alone, and I have to hand feed her, food and water, for 14 days.

They gave me antibiotics for her twice a day and pain meds every 24 hrs.

I cried a night long , it came in waves, I just could not stop the crying. I feared the surgery and feared that I would never be seeing her again . PLus the guilt .

Miely is resting comfortably on a pillow next to me. SO that is what happened .It was so upsetting, and costly. Of course i did not have the money to cover the expense, so I had to go to 2 cash advances and borrow money against myself. Which means next month I will be short .

But, that is something I will need to deal with next month. I am glad she's home, and hope she is going to make a easy recovery .

I am ok now, however, cried so m uch it gave me a migraine. I took my reg meds, and a vicodin, which knocked me off my feet, at least much needed rest came, and things are better . At least for now.

[IrmaJean]

I can't help feeling that some of this pain and guilt must be coming from a deeper place as well. Can you call your therapist during times such as this?

I hope you feel better today. I hope that your puppy does as well.

[SweetSue]

Hey Cathy

I am pleased Miely is on her way to recovery now. I am pleased that you are feeling better today.

take care

sue

[mabear]

I so totally know what you mean when you say you love meily, my pets are my children as far as i am concerned and I willprotect them to no end! The other part of that is they are my children and I need to be here to protect them. Your puppy will be ok because I know that you will give her the very best care that is possible.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Mscat,

That kind of accident can and does happen to anyone and more frequently than you think. Your upset reaction is totally understandable and I would feel upset as well. However, it seems as though your reaction was extreme in that you wanted to cut yourself. I believe it was IrmaJean who asked an interesting question about whether the accident with the puppy has a deeper meaning or has a deeper memory behind it. Please understand, I am not dismisssing your anguish at having injured your pup. I would feel the same. Yet, these things can also have deeper meanings, not that the puppie got cut, but, that you reacted with "extreme guilt and self blame." In other words, this was an accident and nothing more and your reaction was normal and nothing more. But, then you got even more and more upset and that could mean something deeper.

Know what I mean??? I'm babbling, getting tangled in words ( )

Allan

[mscat]

I reacted with extreme guilt and blame.... Because i felt that I caused it to happen , and knowingthat I hurt my little pup was a very painful, emotional experience. A sweet, little helpless pup, and I caused severe enough injury to her requiring surgery< my biggest fear was that she was not going to make it through the surgery, and i would lose her. Yes, I am aware, that I think in all or nothing terms.

ANd this may have been the reason why it was so paniful . The SI was something that I was prepared to do, however, I was so distraugght, and wore myself completely out.

Now that Miely has been home, things are calmer. I did have therapy today, and took miely with me. I also needed to talk to the pdoc , abut filling a a couple forms. I still am in a lousy state of depression, but, was also very exhausted this morning. I missed the therapy session, and my counselor called , I did not even recognize who it was on the phone , I was so out of it. However saw him later the same day.

I am ok now, slept in the evening, nOw fully awake a 1:30 am. SO my times are all messed up for now.

I have to hand feed Miely and give her meds all the time , for 14 days. Their is no way , I am about to let anything happen to her during the recovery time. AND never again, hopfully ever anything like this will occur.

I have 2 little dogs, and YES they are my girls. I have one human child, who is disabled. He is gone the majority of the day , and comes home at 5pm .

SO it is me and my furkids at home. I do not go out of the home hardly at all on my own , if i do my brother drives , I only feel the safest at home where it is quiet and dim here. Because of noise sensitivity , and lights, + everything else to try an deal with on a everyday basis , it is just not a fun existence .

SO my 2 dogs are very important to me. I did not SI though, not that it was always in the front to do, just did not have the energy to do so.

[SweetSue]

Hi Cathy,

Your reaction, after what happened to Meily, to me was completely understandable. She is part of your family, your baby. OK, I know she is not human, but that dosnt alter your feelings.

Yes you do have a tendancy to have "all or nothing" emotions. That is just the way you are, the way that many of us are, myself included.

I am pleased that, you are now feeling a little better, and a bit calmer, now that Meily is back at home and recovering from her opperation. I know for the next week or so you are going to have your work cut out, what with everything else you have to deal with, but please dont forget to take care of you. Try and find some you time, do something you enjoy.

Take care hun

sue

[mscat]

Thank u Sue.

Miely has perked up now. She stil hates wearin gthe e collar, but, is starting to become more playful . Or acting more like a puppy, despite the stitches and meds, and the e collar.

Shes giving me kissess again too. She is so sweet. Sweetest puppy ever, so is my yorkie, but she is more hyperactive , and a barker. Oh well that is how yorkies are , Ilove these two very much, and yes, you are right, they are part of my famliy, and i'll do anything for them to keep them safe and happy

[Donna]

Im glad to hear miely is getting better, accidents do happen especially with pets they have a habit of getting into the most akward of places and situations, i trapped my one of my cats tail in the dishwasher..twice :eek: and felt terrible about it for a long time especially as she now has a peculiar looking long bendy tail.

But animals are tough - they always bounce back and they know when they are loved and safe and thats whats important.

i hope you're feeling a bit better about it now mscat im glad you didnt give in to those urges, thats very strong of you.

[Jetliner]

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Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner
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[mscat]

John,

thank you for sharing your story about your precious dog. I am sorry about the loss you had to go through when she passed and the scay experience of losing her , how happy it must of been when you were reunited with ther .

My 2 dogs give me the strenghth to carry on , I love both of them with all my heart. Their family . a yorkie and a shih tzu, they are my best friends.

Miely got over her injury a long time ago and doing well , like nothing happened . It cost me quite a bit of money that I did not have , however, I made it work just for her.

I fell thankful to have them as a part of my life. They are a lot of work , but so worth it .

[Hermitt]

thanks Sue , I took my meds early plus a vicodin to settle a splitting headache. It on not even 7am here in CA . I will try and get more rest , and have to wait for the phone call from the vet hospital. the waiting part is the most difficult.

I feel so lost , and helpless. just want to SI to be in pain like miely, and to punish myself for making her suffer and be in pain , it is horrble to know I caused this. Even though my brain knows this was an accident , I caused it. The guilt is tremendous , and the pain hurts me greatly to know I hurt my puppy serioulsy enough for to need surgery.

God, she is only a small puppy , a cute little furball who loves to play. I will try and get more sleep now, it is going to be a day for us, hoping and praying for miely.

I guess some people don;t give a crap, because it is only a puppy, maybe some people don't care. BUT, I do and love this puppy, we got her as a service dog. She is a special dog.

I totally sympathize with you. Once when I was about 16 or 17 I accidentally stepped on my baby kitten on the stairs and squashed it. I know I ruptured it's insides since it flipped and flopped around on the floor for a while until it just stopped. Internal bleeding, I'm sure. I was a TOTAL MESS after that. It was an accident and I know that but I still had so much guilt and pain for months after it happened. I must have cried for a month straight and I'm not exaggerating. Everytime I thought about what I did I'd just collapse in a heap of sobbing tears. Just thinking about it now again I still feel the pain of it all.

[mscat]

I totally sympathize with you. Once when I was about 16 or 17 I accidentally stepped on my baby kitten on the stairs and squashed it. I know I ruptured it's insides since it flipped and flopped around on the floor for a while until it just stopped. Internal bleeding, I'm sure. I was a TOTAL MESS after that. It was an accident and I know that but I still had so much guilt and pain for months after it happened. I must have cried for a month straight and I'm not exaggerating. Everytime I thought about what I did I'd just collapse in a heap of sobbing tears. Just thinking about it now again I still feel the pain of it all.

I am certain you feel so badly about this accident. I am so sorry you had to experience such terrible trauma. How very sad this occured . when kittens are tiny or a puppy they can be easily hurt .

I was a mess when it happened to my puppy , but she lived . I feel so badly for you .

[Hermitt]

I love ALL animals but never really was a doggie person until recently. I started watching Cesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer, and now I understand them and find them irresistible. I can't have a dog here but I do have Bearded Dragons, they are my babies. Looks like you can't post pictures in here.

[mscat]

I love ALL animals but never really was a doggie person until recently. I started watching Cesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer, and now I understand them and find them irresistible. I can't have a dog here but I do have Bearded Dragons, they are my babies. Looks like you can't post pictures in here.

bearded dragons are so cool . they are neat animals , Hermit . They requrie great care and someone who knows what they are doing.

[Hermitt]

Yes, I know that's true. It makes me all weepy. Too bad people aren't that way. A dog would never do to you what a person would.

[mscat]

my dogs keep me going , put a smile to my face , when i feel like crying . They keep me at peace when my son is at school all day long. Emotionally, they are the best dogs in the world .

Miely healed up nicely , and it was the surgery to have to put her through they tore me up inside . she is fine , and wonderful now. My other one, yorkie , she is our protector .

[Aaron.X.C]

I have 1 dog but hes outside, he always tries to escape because of this one dog we use to have was a bad influence. And I have a scar on my lip when on of my parents dog attacked me I prefer cats myself. I have 6 cats