One person on the internet is giving me anxiety.

[Battery Pulse]

I previously talked about anxiety due to being insulted on the internet. I was just about to get over it all, but I put myself into a hole again.

One person who insulted me is giving me anxiety. I insulted him back, and he called me a no life. This really made me angry.

I tried to message him back, but then he blocked me. For the past two months, I've been trying to insult this person and he blocks me every time.

I feel like I'm just proving him right. I can't get over it, and I'm so depressed and have anxiety. I really need help.

[David O]

Battery pulse,

I read thru most of your past posts and also offered recommendations as did so many others here. This may sound unkind and even cruel, and it's never my intent to be difficult or insensitive: but the realities are--we can't help you unless you're willing to help yourself. It's been recommended by several that you:

1) not return to certain sites,

2) simply ignore those who don't really know you,

3) invest more energy in other things so that you don't get dragged back into these painful situations,

4) not engage those who say mean things.

5) "just like a hot chili peeper that you know will make you cry, you go ahead and eat it!"

Now you're trying to get back at someone who insulted you by trying to insult him back, but he's blocked you and so the insult is twice as painful b/c he threw the first stone and now you can't throw back, so you feel both cheated and as if he's right about you.

Batterypulse, this is the moment of truth for you--- if you want to:

1) not feel depressed and anxious,

2) not be accused of not having a life,

3) to stop hurting and being in a state of anxiety and depression

4) completely stop the cycle of bullying and abuse,

5) stop feeling like you're being treated like a child,

6) stop inviting and provoking abusive and childish behavior from others...

then you'll have to "handle your business!" This means you'll have to make some fundamental changes in you behavior, and you can start by reviewing the excellent recommendations given to you by many here!

If you keep going back for more, then you'll have no one to blame but yourself, and looking for us to alleviate your depression and anxiety will not and cannot replace your decision to visit sites where you'll be repeatedly abused. It is not one person on the net that's giving you anxiety, it's you that's inviting it in!

Please understand, I say this out of compassion and not out of trying to be mean spirited. Frequently, the kindest thing we can do, any of us, is to speak the truth to you. others have done it in so many words. I want it to be crystal clear b/c it is you, not them on the internet, that is inviting these problems.

Please do not reject these words, they will save you much heartache and headache over time.

Good luck.

David

[Battery Pulse]

David, I actually thank you for being so blunt. I understood the advice people were trying to give me, but I just didn't do it. I actually brushed it off and took matters into my own hands because I felt so compelled to do things my way, which has been my problem all along.

You have knocked me into reality. By all means I will use your advice.

I have one question though. I will be compelled to insult this person again, but I wont. Is there anything I can do to ease my anger?

[David O]

Thanks for being open and honest. Anger is a second generation emotion, a byproduct if you will, of being hurt. So the issue is your being hurt by what others have said.

There is nothing compelling you to react to this person. What of value can be gained by this. It seems that while you say you hate the pain of it all, you also seem to enjoy the game some... and your enjoyment of it may be stronger than the pain, anxiety and depression that follows. Again, it is a choice only you can make.

Walk away baterypulse, walk away. Otherwise you'll be back on here repeating the same anxieties. Your like a tractor stuck in the mud, spinning your wheels and getting deeper and deeper in the mud. Soon you'll need a backhow to get you out. Better to drive around it.

Come up with a list of 10 things you can do that are incompatible with writing back (walking, running up and down the stairs, turning off the computer for 1 hour, leaving the house, etc., etc.) and see what happens. Over time your anger will ease. If you need more info on this, we can talk tomorrow. Adios!

Good luck!

[Donna]

I think David O said it all but id add to it by saying if it should happen again (i hope it wont) just ignore them and remind yourself you are better than them and dont need to stoop to their level..bullys want a reaction thats the mentality they have and how they get their kicks..you are better than that.

getting our own back is something we all want to do at times but whats the point? it can actually make yourself feel better if you just walk away calmly and give yourself a pat on the back and tell yourself that such people are not worth your time or friendship they're too immature for you.

[JulianP]

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Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP

[Battery Pulse]

Thank for the advice. I'll try not to get revenge and such. It will be hard, but as someone said, I wont gain anything but more pain.

As for the list David O wanted:

1: Going to school

2: Playing guitar

3: Turing off the computer

4: Drawing

5: Band

6: JROTC

7: Programming

8: ?

9: ?

10: ?

[Battery Pulse]

With further evaluation of myself, I've found I have a revenge problem. How can I do something about this?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Battery Pulse,

I agree with Julian, and tend to think that these "people" on the internet represent something from your past history. That is even true regarding revenge.

The answer to your question is to get yourself into psychotherapy.

Allan

[David O]

BP,

Good job on the list? Is there anything that would keep you from doing what you just stated? Anything that would stop you from taking a walk, playing the guitar, etc., in order to stay out of those sites and forums?

With respect to your "need to have revenge"- I know from experience that the passion for revenge is strong and often almost overwhelming. But overall, revenge is little more than a misguided attempt to transform shame into pride and thereby increase one's self esteem-- it never really works and one can never get enough. The desire for revenge does little more than keep your wounds open and deny you the right to be responsible. As stated earlier-- walk away BP.... Walk away!

[Battery Pulse]

To ASchwartz:

I think I'll go back to therapy and take psychotherapy. It will help me in the long run and is a great option.

To David O:

I will walk away. It may be hard, but I will find it withing myself to leave this whole thing in the past and move on. I thank you all who have helped me through this.

Also, the only thing stopping me from playing guitar or anything else is the internet. I spend a lot of time on the web, but that can be changed. I'll do more to keep myself away from bad internet situations.

[Battery Pulse]

I'm still sort of mad about this. Not as much, but still a little. I haven't flamed this guy or anything, but I still feel like I've lost.

[malign]

What did you lose? :-)

He made a rude remark. That doesn't make it true.

And fighting back on his level doesn't make it false.

What makes it false is in you; your faith in yourself.

And that doesn't require any action on your part. Just belief.

And without the belief, any action you take won't make any difference.

Does that make sense?

If you still feel you've lost, focus on why you believe that.

[Battery Pulse]

I can't really say that I've lost, more so it's that I didn't get even. I couldn't let him get away with calling me an idiot. I want to get even, but he's just ignoring me.

I understand that I should walk away, and I am, and I know what he said wasn't true. It's just that I wanted to get even so badly.

I guess it's futile, because this is just the internet. I guess I should control my anger and lust for revenge. It's like David O said, it's me that's inviting the anxiety.

Edited October 14, 2009 by Battery Pulse

[malign]

Saying it back to him won't make you 'even'.

Not believing it, instead, actually puts you ahead of him. He said something stupid; you won't have responded, nor believed it. His net loss.

It's futile in real life, too. There, a fight like this often escalates until it becomes physical, but there, the stronger wins, not the one who's right.

What's right is simply to walk away, because this stuff is beneath notice.

[Battery Pulse]

I'm starting to get the message. My anger is clouding my judgement, but I'm starting to actually get what everyone has been telling me.

These things don't matter, especially over the internet. I will try very hard to forget this and move forward and I will indeed walk away.

I really should stop caring what people think of me. My life would be so much better if I wasn't so sensitive.

[malign]

You should really start caring about what you think about you.

No one else.

It's hard. Many people never fully manage it.

But it's worth trying for.

[Battery Pulse]

I'll try. It'll be the best thing for me. Thank you so much.

[JulianP]

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Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP

[Battery Pulse]

Thank you JP. I was in fact thinking I was forfeiting the oppertunity to get even. You, as well as many others helpede realize rude people over the Internet are worthless and irrelevant to me. It's taken me quite a while to realize this truth.

[Battery Pulse]

UPDATE:

I'm doing quite well thanks to everyones help here. I even got insulted on the web (again, for the oddest reason). Anyway, I ignored it and hardly got angry. I thank you all of aiding me through this. I'll try to limit my internet time as well.

[David O]

EXCELLENT WORK BP!!!!! Here's the kicker, the stronger you become and the less people are able to hurt you, the more time you can spend playing on the computer-- it's almost like an inverse math formula!!

You've done a lot of work here BP and you've had excelent support and encouragement from 2 of the best (Malign and JP).

David

[Battery Pulse]

Thanks David.

[JulianP]

deleted....

Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP

[Battery Pulse]

I'm still mad a this guy. For some odd reason I just got mad again.