i'm sorry. i just need your help.

[idontwant-tobelikethis]

i've read others posts on here, and i feel so guiltly because they have been through so much, but yet i just cant seem to escape this feeling i want to die.

its just, seriously. i cant put it into words i am just hoping someone out there would understand. i dont know why im depressed, can someone be depressed for no reason?. its been like it for years, and i know i should see a doctor. i know i know. people say it all the time and i will soon, i will in my own good time but for now i am comming to you guys because you are my last chance. im sorry if this thread makes no sense or i annoy people. i need to let it out.

recently my best friend fell out with me, because i got a new boyfriend. me and my best friend dated for 2 years and when we split up, he never got over me. but after 6months i had moved on, and like i said i have got with someone else. its someone i do really like, its not like a randomer. and i havent rubbed it in my ex's face, but when i told him he flipped, threatened suicide and blocked contact. i talk to a mutral friend about his wellbeing to make sure hes okay. hes blocked all contact, and wont answer my calls, letters etc. was it wrong for me to move on? should i of considered his happiness? i just wanted a new boyfriend, and id fallen head over heels for this other boy. im 17, surely its okay for me to have a few boyfriends in my life?

im sorry for rambling on. i need to let it out. i feel i am in a big hole and just as i go to get to the top someone pushes me down. im scared i wont live much longer, maybe a few more years. i dont want to die, i just want everything to be okay.

has anyone any advice on how to cheer myself up? any little things?

thank you for your time, and im sorry.

[goose]

Hi, I have a daughter who is 18. She had a boyfriend who was very possessive of her and took it badly when she broke up with him. He became silly and jealous and a bit abusive, she just ignored him, and they are now talking again. She has a new boyfriend that we are all happy with.

You can not be responsible for the way he has reacted, don't feel guilty enjoy your new relationship.

Goose

[mabear]

Hi,

There are so many different reasons for depression that to single out just one would be nearly impossible since they all seem to interact. I would like to say, yes you have heard it before, go see a doc sooner than later. I know you said you will do it in your own time, but why choose to stay depressed when the doc could help? I am glad you are expressing yourself here, and I encourage you to keep writing.

There are many things you can do to help in the meantime, the following are only suggestions for you to choose from and in no means an all inclusive list.

talk with your new boyfriend and plan fun activities.

make sure you are getting enough rest and eating healthy.

listen to your favorite music

watch a funny movie

etc..

hopefully some of these will help until you decide to seek professional help.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Idontwanttobelikethis,

Wow, that's a long name

Anyway, there are a couple of things you should know about depression:

1. Yes, a person can feel depression for no reason. That is because a chemical imbalance in the brain can account for those awful feelings.

2. Even though someone can feel depressed for no reason, there are usually reasons. Those reasons may go back to early childhood experiences and may combine with present day experiences to make someone feel awful.

3. I sense that you have reasons for depression but you do not know what they are and that often happens.

I can understand your feeling bad about your ex boy friend but he needs to get over it and move on with his life. I agree with the others that it is not your fault. You have a right to be with the person who is right for you and that is all there is to it.

I strongly urge you to get into psychotherapy so that you can recover from your depression.

Do you have questions and can you tell us more about yourself??

Allan

[SweetSue]

Hi Idontwanttobelikethis

Just wanted to say that once depression takes hold its a struggle to clinb out of it. I hope that you can find the help that you deserve to feel a little better. Just wanted to say hi, and let you know that youre not alone in the way you feel presently. And that we are all listening, and will help in any way we can.

Take care

Jj

[idontwant-tobelikethis]

thank you so much everyone.

just sometimes my head feels like its going to explode, and i need to write down my frustration. i want to go to the doctors, but for some reason im scared too. i feel like soemthing is blocking me from doing it. i can write down my feelings on here, because i dont know you, you dont know me, and if im honest, if it gets too much i can just delete this account. thats what i find so good about forums like this. i can just blurt it out. but when i go to the doctors i have to tell him, and i have to stay.

im so used to shutting my feelings away, and not telling anyone face to face i dont know how to express myself. most of my friends dont have a clue, and others i have tried to explain it to them just dont understand. im feeling so helpless.

i am so pleased that you guys understand, im just sorry for being so pathetic like this. like i said before i feel horrible knowing theres others with problems out there worse than mine. but i feel so helpless.

ask any questions you want, my other threads explaining more are :

http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=2425

http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=2463

thank you for your time.

[David O]

Good morning idontwant-tobelikethis,

First of all, there's no need to feel bad b/c other's suffering and pain seems to exceed yours-- there is never a comparison made, we all struggle in life (one of the 4 Noble Truths). Everyone is welcome here and everyone receives compassion, understanding and a bit of wisdom along the way.

Allan is right, there are sometimes environmental reasons or historical events we're not always aware of, that can bring about a depressive mood. However, the length of your depression suggests that you may have what is called Dysthymic Disorder or even what's termed "double depression". The most important piece of Dysthymic disorder is an almost daily depressed mood that can last two years and even longer at times, but without the necessary criteria for a major depression. Low energy, sleep or appetite disturbances and low self-esteem are usually part of disorder. Also, most people report that they don't recall ever not feeling depressed, but they may be relatively functional in managing their daily life. Usually, one can still function daily, but the symptoms tend to interfere with some important life roles (such as school, work, making and maintaining friends). Does any of this sound like what you're going thru?

One thing people with Dysthymic Disorder or Depression often do is ruminate and go back and forth, second guessing decisions and events: Should I have done this? Maybe if I would have done that it would be different now? I wish.... would have happened, then I wouldn't feel this way and he wouldn't have been so hurt.

And then they delete accounts (:confused:) to further not have to deal or make decisions-- it's an escape or avoidance maneuver as they bounce back and forth between their pain and the need to service and maintain their defenses, such as not seeing an MD or talking to a therapist, needing to ruminate about past relationships, etc. (by the way, your ex-bf does need to grow up and move on) so as not to have to act on other aspects of your life.

idontwant-tobelikethis, most of us here have experienced some form of depression, anxiety, trauma, psychosis or painful life event, you're not alone. And we also face tough decisions as to whether or not to seek help once it becomes to overwhelming. The realities are, if you're not willing to see someone professionally, we can be of little help here. For Depressive conditions, talking therapy has been shown to be as effective as medication, but less intrusive. Talking to us, while we enjoy having you here, can't replace the need to be seen sooner than later.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

[SweetSue]

Hi helen,

I understand the feeling like your head is going to explode, not good. Its not really going to , it just feels that way. I have suffered with depression for some time now, some days are easier to cope than others. but with the right help, and in some cases the right meds it is possible to move forward, and slowly the depression eases.

I realise that it is scarey, to tell your doctor/gp. I felt that way when I first needed help, it took me ages and a lot of encouragement, and in the end I feel I left it too late.

I wish I had the courage to get help a lot sooner, before it really kicked in.

Just take your time with the things you need to discuss, we understand how hard and how much things hurt, it does help. You are not pathetic, these are your feelings, and they are important. just write what you are comfortable in shareing. No one judges here, we all just help each other.

Please try and get help as soon as you are able, be brave and get the help that you desesrve. Ive forgotten what I was going to say again, my minds all over the place today, ooops.

take care

Jj