Pedophilia Will It Become Acceptable?

[Guest GingerSnap]

Several years ago I read that there is a behind the scenes attempt at making sexual relations with children a legal activity. I am beginning to belief it. We are being slowly desensitized to the idea that maybe it isn't so bad. It used to be underage was underage and now we have all these divisions of under 14, under whatever. One of the articles I read said that this will be allowed because at one time homosexuality was a crime - consenting adults should have been allowed to do, well, what ever each agreed to - that rational was totally lost on me.:confused: In my opinion putting any mark of approval on any behavior that involves the molestation of children is against everything I believe in and plays into this attempt to desensitize people to behaviors that are not good for our society.:mad: I don't want to see the posts so off I go to greener pastures, I mean I cannot take it anymore.

[TerrifiedUser]

ehhh... these things are very very unpopular, and I think you'll find 99% of people are very disturbed by the idea.

I don't think it's acceptable for an adult male to have sexual fantasies over 14 year olds or whatever, I just think there is nothing abnormal about say a 17 year old having sexual fantasies about 14 year olds, considering there is only a 3 year difference. Hell, I knew quite a few guys dating 14 year olds, and some going as low as 13 (though I myself thought that was pushing it a little bit)

Oh, and I know I may come across as being hypocritical if you read my thread, but I do feel shame in what I have done.

[SweetSue]

This subject, turns my stomache and creates a pain inside myself and in my heart that overwhelms me to the extent that I dont really know why Im bothering to reply or indeed what I am about to say, but I feel I have to say ~ something ~ guess I will find out as I type.

Peadaphilia, well I have absolutely no idea why people become this way. I do understand to a certain degree that it must be a form of mental illness, and that it must be possible for peadaphiles to change their thought process. Not sure though ~ Im no p/doc, just the above average run of the mill insane person. Part of me, likes to believe that there is help out there for these people, and that with therapy, meds or whatever, there thoughts will change and they can stop being that way inclined.

These days there is much more awareness, which I believe is a very good thing, It keeps our guard up and makes us more mindful of the protection our children and all children need.

Personally what I went through as a child I would never wish on anybody, it haunts me to this day, and I wish there was the awareness of this, when i was a child. It would of helped me and sis, and then sis might still be with me now

I dont think Peadaphilia will ever be accepted, not by people that have a heart anyway. but awareness, that these people exist and are very common place, is a good thing.

I guess everybody has to open there mind, and to a certain degree try to understand this subject, with understanding comes the urge to change things, and in that change we could help prevent. maybe by understanding the answers will come and provide a way to put an end to all this.

Like i said earlier, I havnt got a flipping clue what im writing here, getting myself all wound up and memories and shit so gonna leave it at that for now. Hope some of you can kinda work out from my ramblings what I am trying to say.

[TerrifiedUser]

Oh, I notice you say there is a "behind the scenes attempt". Considering we're in a democracy, and parents have become more fearfull if anything in recent years (ever heard of the concept of "cotton wool kids"), what remotely makes you think these attempts could ever be succesfull. The concept that pedophilia may become legal soon is absurd. It is nothing like homosexuality, because that form of relationship is based around consent, and that is the key to why it is acceptable.

[John Rutledge]

Hello, Gingersnap,

I agree with you on one point - I cannot see any rational link between the legalisation of homosexual relations in many jurisdictions and a possible legalisation of sexual relations between adults and children, either. To the best of my knowledge and belief, legalisation of homosexual relations, wherever it has happened, has been confined to homosexual relations between consenting adults, as defined by law in the particular jurisdiction concerned. The whole point about paedophilic "relations" is that they are initiated by an oppressing adult and imposed on a minor who is not, legally or in terms of personal maturity, capable of giving consent in the adult sense.

I have not myself come across this line of argument, connecting the legalisation of homosexual relations with a possible "justification" for similar legalisation of adult/child sexual relations, at least in any developed form. I could see such an argument being developed by deluded unreconstructed paedophiles as part of their wishful-thinking fantasy of acceptance; or by ultra-conservative and reactionary interests intent on raising hostility and fear, not so much towards paedophiles (hardly necessary!) but towards gays. I cannot see this line cutting any ice whatsoever in any civilised society, at least as regards producing actual acceptance or legalisation of paedophile activity. The groundless hatred and fear that might be raised against gays, in particular, is a different matter - where that was the aim, it would only go to show that just because a commentator professes to be conservative, or "traditional", or "religious", or "Christian", this does not make him or her a good, humane or charitable person.

I cannot see any prospect whatsoever of paedophile activity becoming acceptable or legal in any civilised society. If I prove to be wrong - it will definitely be time for me to resign from the human race ...

Very best regards,

[JulianP]

deleted.....

[IrmaJean]

Reminds me of a relative of mine who, on the way out of church, flipped someone off in the parking lot. I don't get it. :confused:

[rjridley]

A few years ago, in Cincinnati, there was a big story about pedophile priests, some of whom had molested kids going back 30 years and it was just coming to light.

One of the people on the radio who was commenting on this story mentioned something that was new to me at the time. There was something called peodophilia, which is sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children, and something called ephibophilia, which is sexual attraction to post-pubescent children.

I don't know about other countries, but in the US, there is much inconsistency when it comes to how the law affects teenagers. Usually, the way it plays out is that if a teenager does something bad, they are old enough to be punished like an adult, but they are not old enough to exercise the rights and privileges of adults.

There have been cases of 17 and 18 year olds being charged with statutory rape because they were with 14 and 15 year olds. And the age of consent is diffferent in every state, and is usually different for boys and for girls.

Ever since I myself was a teenager I have had problems with these inconsistencies. I remember being 14 or 15 and wanting to have sex with adult women.

I personally think a distinction should be made between people who find prepubescent children sexually attractive and those who find teenagers attractive.

[Endlessnight]

I personally think a distinction should be made between people who find prepubescent children sexually attractive and those who find teenagers attractive.

What kind of distinction are you talking about? Do you mean as far as the law goes or what?

After reading this thread I too cannot keep silent. Any form of child abuse is intolerable, and having sex with an underage child is and always will be (I hope and pray) abuse. It doesn't really matter how pedophiles, or whatever else they want to call themselves, try to whitewash the issue by saying that some children mature quickly; that has nothing to do with it. Sex between consenting adults is one thing, but to think that a child under 13 really understands what it means is just a way for those that prey on them to justify their feeings and actions.

This subject frankly horrifies and scares me, and i second what JR said.

I cannot see any prospect whatsoever of paedophile activity becoming acceptable or legal in any civilised society. If I prove to be wrong - it will definitely be time for me to resign from the human race ...

[spiritual_emergency]

Endlessnight: having sex with an underage child is and always will be (I hope and pray) abuse.

In a slightly related vein...

A few years ago, I began to hear complaints about an online schizophrenia group. That site has some very narrow policies to begin with and I'd heard complaints before but these ones were different because people were concerned about a "sexual predator" at the site -- a moderator who reputedly had a reputation for having sexual relationships with young schizophrenic males who had arrived there looking for support. The female moderator was in her mid-forties and had sons of her own who were the same age as her chosen partners. In some cases, it appeared that the young "schizophrenic" men had been invited to her home to spend time with her sons who were in their age bracket but somehow, some of them ended up in mom's bed.

I followed up on the rumors and found posts from that individual and her current partner that openly, and publicly acknowledged their sexual relationship. The young man was in his very early 20's and they both admitted their relationship had been of a few years duration. They called it "love" but I found the entire business to be very disturbing. I felt that as a moderator, and thus someone in an assumed position of trust and authority at that site, the woman had used her position to gain proximity to young, vulnerable people as a means of sexually exploiting them. I also thought that if the situation were reversed and the moderator had been a male who was having sexual relationships with young females at the site, people would have been much quicker to recognize the imbalance of power.

As it was, the site founder and other mods were either completely oblivious of their co-mod's actions or complicit in their consent. Meantime, if any of those young men were to step forward and claim abuse... they're schizophrenic and are probably going to have a difficult time convincing anyone that they weren't merely "delusional". The outcry from members was related to the fact that no one in authority had taken action and, to the best of my knowledge, still haven't.

I had shared the details with my family at that time, including one of my college-age children. They remarked that in their social circle, an informal "rule" had come into effect that stated a person could only date someone half their age + seven. In other words, if you were 20 you could date someone who was as young as 17 but no younger than that. The presumption was the formula should apply through out your life. At 30 you could date someone as young as 22; at 40, someone as young as 27, at 80, someone as young as 47, etc.

I thought that rather brilliant and also a demonstration that young men and women in current society are still concerned with moral and ethical behavior within mature relationships. They recognized that we can't look simply to the "legal age" of consent to determine what is appropriate and what is not. It may be appropriate for a 14 year-old girl to be doing some sexual exploration with her 16 year-old boyfriend but it's not appropriate for her to be partnered with a 56 year-old male, even if she's considered to be legally capable of giving consent.

It is the power imbalance and the vulnerability of one individual in the relationship that we have to consider because it's these factors that alter these kinds of relationships from one of mature and consentual to those that are abusive and damaging. Obviously, when we are dealing with a very young child, it is a gross violation of their innocence and one that no society finds acceptable. But even with teens and adults, gross violations can occur and people will still protest those actions.

[ClownWithafrown]

This may sound strange from a pedophile but dear God I hope not. What I do think needs to change is the attitude that is put on us. I am not saying that we aught to have our own parade or anything (this is a joke) but I think it poses a serious problem because community notification does nothing to stop a sex offender and pedophiles like myself who have not acted out have no obligation to tell our neighbors. This all seems to stem from the medias name and shame tactic which incites anger to change public opinion. I think if you ask 10 people off the street how they would handle a pedophile it would be pretty violent for most of them. To keep a sex offender in jail costs more than $20,000.00 a year so there has to be a way to fix this. These policies and fears and shows (to catch a predator) do nothing more than scare us and keep people from raising there hands and saying here I am help me. I truly don't know how to explain this problem to people those who know (wife) how do you express this. She understands as someone who has suffered from depression what it is like to have unwanted thoughts. Now all the hatred directed at us, or at least in my case makes you want to be this monster.

That's right a monster even though I hate what I am and what my brain causes me to want. The negative attitudes make me want to tell people what they want to hear because they want you to be less than human they want you to be something less than human something they could kill without thinking twice. There are to few docs that treat us as people instead of monsters.

What I do wish for is a time when people like me will be able to say hey I suffer from a F'ed up sexuality that I do not act on.... please don't kill me.

[malign]

You're human, Clown. Monsters have fangs; we all know that. :-)

You may very well be right: we have no way of knowing what the best way to handle active sexual predators is, and there's ample reason to believe we're not doing it the best way. Hysteria and media hype are making it difficult to assess accurately what the true level of risk is, or how society should deal with it.

Your other point is also important: we don't know much about inactive pedophiles, or how to help them (and they do deserve help.) And that's largely due to the hype about active pedophiles.

I think that what you're doing, trying to get help to deal with your urges, is very commendable.

[ClownWithafrown]

I will post the source but in 1992 I think it was they took about 100 sex offenders and gave them depo and other drugs that are like them. All of them reported going from 7 urges a week to zero. another study focused on one sexoffender and did phallo tests (penis cuff) and found he did not get an erection over children. There is hope but this will always be suppressed by main stream media.

Clown

Edit: I think this is what causes attitudes like that of Enigma.

[danni]

I think you're right Clown. There is a huge fear, and in some cases rightly so. I work with guys who have offended. Some have gone through the court system and are on the registry and some who have not but have admitted that they have offended. The studies you talk about, clown, are promising. But, the problem lies that many men chose not to do that and leave themselves at risk. I have had an extremely rare time that a man that I work with has reoffended but either they are working really hard to keep it that way or there are other safeguards in place to help them. I wish that the guys I work with were half as concerned as you about curbing that urge and not wanting to offend. But it is a rarity.

What I do totally agree with is that the stigma has got to stop. These guys are finding it impossible to find homes and jobs that would keep them safe and others as well. It is so sad to me. Also, most of the guys I work with have incredibly sad stories of abuse in their past. My heart goes out to each one of them. The are good guys who did some bad things but they are working on that.

[silentmist]

Is this thread discussing paedophilia or sex acts with prepubescent children?

I ask because most child sex offenders aren't diagnosable with a clinical paraphilia.

Will paedophilia ever be acceptable ? It doesn't matter. Having a sexual preference for prepubescent children isn't something that can be measured because it's in the mind, it's not an action but a possible motivation for an action. I don't care what people think about as long as they don't act on such thoughts, just like thoughts of murdering someone or beating someone up.

Will sex with a prepubescent child ever be acceptable ? No. Prepubescent children aren't able to give informed consent to such an act. It really is that simple.

[flander]

Oh, I notice you say there is a "behind the scenes attempt". Considering we're in a democracy, and parents have become more fearfull if anything in recent years (ever heard of the concept of "cotton wool kids"), what remotely makes you think these attempts could ever be succesfull. The concept that pedophilia may become legal soon is absurd. It is nothing like homosexuality, because that form of relationship is based around consent, and that is the key to why it is acceptable.

or even developing phone apps for "a hardened Sex Tourist looking for a new destination"

< there was a link here, but it was taken down, sorry flander >

[Guest ASchwartz]

Clown and Flander,

Pedophilia will never be acceptable and the age of consent will not be lowered. The plain fact is that children are not able to make rational decisions about such personal and profound issues. That is why they need protection. The fact that some 14 y.o. teens may have sex with each other does not mean that it is good for them or even desirable. In any case, mutual teen sex is a very far cry from adults attempting to have sex with them and that is Totally not permissable.

Clown, because of the desires you struggle with I urge you to enter psychotherapy with a really good clinical psychologist who has expertise with this. They exist.

I do not believe it is right to stigmatize people with this sexual striving even though I do not approve of it. Nor do I think violence is right. At the same time it is important to understand that parents worry about the safety of their children.

Allan

[silentmist]

Being as there seems to be an equivalence being drawn between children and adolescents here, what are the criteria for 'informed consent' ?

[Binski]

Gee Gingersnap, I pray to God that doesn't happen!

Under 18 is a kid to me! I know people here have made distinctions between adolescents and pre-pubescents but that's how I see it.

Go and have a look at allvoices.com. Amazon just pulled a book called "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure" but only pulled it because of public outcry- not before sales went through the roof! Looking here like standards are dropping.

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/7274171-69-child-prostitutes-99-pimps-rounded-up-in-fbi-bust

Read that That's all about the 884 people arrested for being involved with child sexual exploitation and 99 pimps prostituting CHILDREN!!!!!! For heaven's sake!

:mad::mad::mad:

It may not be legalised, but it's sure looking on its way to being socially acceptable!

It just makes me want to cry.

[Waiting]

I am reluctant to post her, but I feel compelled.

My partner is 19 and I am much older than her. Our relationship began three years ago so I am in many ways what is being talked about here.

Just to be clear I have no specific interest in teens, it just happened.

I have had many discussions about this and in my experience the majority of people are strongly against such relationships. There hatred of it is not based on any facts that I can tell but presumptions and simply the ages.

If you want more details I suggest you read my post in general support called my story. http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=5844

As much as anyone I do not want children taken advantage of and I firmly believe I didn't.

Waiting

[silentmist]

It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're both happy in your relationship.