Dealing, Plain and Simple.

[Alxias]

You know, I tend to skip months here.

But when I do come back, I inform alot of you what's going on.

I really don't think anybody really cares, but I have to share it with somebody, whether anyone reads it or not.

I'm deeply depressed but hiding it away from even myself as I struggle to get to the surface.

I'm kind of disregaurding pity. I don't want to think about what is going on inside of my head. I'd much rather someone try and make me laugh, than to say "I'm sorry".

I'm crucially deep in debt. Alot worse than it was. My paychecks are gone before I can see them. Work has me working one day a week, and since weather gets me stuck and without a ride much in the winter season, I have to call off and miss the only things still helping me keep afloat. I'm deeper than I have ever had nightmares of being in debt, and need help..

I seriously keep crying, as everything around me, ((including my health)) started breaking around me, and I'm bad off as it is, let alone losing all of the materialistic things around me as well.

I've become used to the fact that I'm not alone in my head. ((MPD)) I've become accostomed to the pain I feel daily thanks to fibromialga. I'm used to not being able to eat problem food thanks to chrones. My wisdom teeth still must be removed eventually, so more pains' stuck there. I can't afford medication anymore, so I'm just living with everything I just stated.

My past problems happen, but arn't nearly as bad as they used to be. In other news, my family is starting to bail on me. They're like dumping me on the side, because OMG my sister has OCD and has a therepist, but because I'm 19, and still living at home, I should pay or my own help.

Yea. frikkin. right.

Work is screwing me on hours, and I just feel like giving up.

Well, I'm really rather stumped as to what to do or where to go now.

~Ally

[mscat]

Hi Ally,

You really do have a lot to deal with. Any person would be struggling if they were in the same situation as you are.

I noticed that you named 3 serious health issues that you are living with daily. That has to be very hard on you and painful. Could you apply for Social security ?

SSI ?

Work is limited for you and has to be a chalenge when you do go. Therapy would be helpful for you as well. Do you tkae medication at all to treat your depression?

I think your family is probably very worried about you. If they could help you get professional help , as well as help you apply for SSI , which does take a while , than at least you can feel better , and get you to the medical appointments so you won't have to be in so much pain all the time.

I know people that have gotten SSI on lesser ailments then you have. This must be disabling to have . Please try and get the assistance that you need . You have every right to feel better and not live in pain.

[amberlyn]

Ally,

Honestly, it sucks that you have to go through all of this. I agree with mscat; you should check into SSI. I think it might be extremely beneficial for you, especially to help pay for meds & whatnot. Being overwhelmed is one of the worst feelings ever - at least for me - because I feel like nothing is going anywhere & nothing will get better. I would suggest to make goals. 1) It'll help you get stuff done, whether it's apply for SSI, make a doctor appt, or whatever you need to do; 2) accomplishing a goal will make you feel good about yourself; and 3) when you have a goal, you can see the end of things so it may be easier for you to tell yourself "yes, this WILL be over soon."

Take care of yourself, both mentally & physically. I'm here to talk if you ever need someone, and let me know if you're interested for applying for SSI.

[David O]

Good morning ALexis,

You entire posts reminds of the "when it rains it pours" line! Living in WV makes it twice as hard since the entire area is economically depressed and even getting jobs is tough b/c you're always competing for jobs with college kids-- but wait, you're college student age (yes i took a small dig at you).

It does all feel very overwhelming and thus literally debilitating. I know that for me, just 2-3 major issues can stop me in my tracks and it can take me awhile to get motivated and then even more to know what my next step will be.

Mscat's suggestions about attempting for SSI may be a good place to begin; however, my thinking is that there is not very much in your description that suggests "not able to work," although being depressed sometimes can open the door.

I'm wondering if being home all day may and feeling stuck can add to your feelings of being overwhelmed and in a state of helplessness, despair and hopelessness. This is where I think Amberlyn's idea is excellent-- setting goals. Can you write down 3-4 tasks for the next week that you will work on ASAP. For example, these would be mine (since I've been in your shoes several times in life and even lived on the streets for awhile--I'm pretty ancient and experienced at being jobless):

• Clean up your resume within 24 hours
  
• Look in the want-ads section and call any friends who might have leads. Go to the Fairmont State's Library and look thru all their local papers and also look at the books on job hunting (What Color is Your Parachute 2010, for example)
  
• Begin day 3 and for 6-8 hours, beat the pavement looking for work. Interview anywhere and anyone, make calls, set up appointments, get up, dressed, and be ready to move if need for an interview
  
• Keep beating the pavement the next day and don't stop until you have a job. Make calling and writing letters of thanks to those who talk to you a habit.
  
• Do all of this as a full time job, even if you have to take the bus into town, and don't stop for at least 2 weeks, no matter how discouraging it may be
  
• Oh, and by the way, I have spent much of my life hiring and firing people, so appearance is critical-- look perky, bright, energetic, motivated, willing to learn and professional no matter what it feels like inside.
  

Essentially, make job finding (not just job hunting) your full time job. Interestingly, it accompkishes a few things- gets your out of your home and your rut, exposes you to others, get you away from your family, gives you a feeling of being productive and being in motion as opposed to being at home w/o motion.

Getting a job accomplishes many things and eventually can lead to insurance for your health, escape, freedom, personal responsibility and even the feeling of being connected to others. All are antidotes to depression and the sense of despair you seem to be feeling.

Alexis, I know this is a tall order; however, there is no escape or working around this situation. You may need to simply muscle thru it no matter what you think and feel.

Good luck Alexis and please keep us posted on your progress,

David

[mscat]

Ally,

I live in a county that is very economically depressed. With CA and it's budget , times are very difficult foe everybody here. My town in very small , and most people are hispanic , and do not hire anyone who does not know spanish speaking.

The nearest town is 45 miles away , and it is terribly foggy right now , leaving driving outright dangerous.

If you feel that you can still work, by all means do what you can to find emploment and set goals that you can obtain easily. If not, then filing for social security could be an obtion for you. Because of your medical issues , and mental health needs . SSI is for long term disabilty , and if you are awarded it will come with health care coverage.

I hope that now your feeling that you do have options in your life and direction.

Keep us posted here, on what you are going to do, we care about what happens to you , and you have our support.

mscat