My therapist said he can't help me with my sexuality

[Hunter]

I have been seeing a male therapist for almost two years, and he is the reason I am alive today. He has instilled so much courage, strength, and faith in me. I am a better person because of him

Today he told me that he would like me to see a woman therapist to talk about my sexuality. I have been molested by my brother, and raped for several years by several men.

I am feeling somewhat betrayed that he is sluffing me off to someone else. Or is it that he just does not feel comfortable talking to me about it even though he knows everything about me.

so how should I take this and what should I make of it

I really admire my therapist and think the world of him, but today for some reason I am feeling somewhat hurt and abandoned.

Anyone else have this happened to them

thanks

[Symora]

Hi Hunter. I can see how you might feel rejected, but I'm sure he has his professional reasons. He's known you for 2 years so I'm sure he has a good sense of who you are and he may believe that sharing those experiences with a woman would be better for you. What do you think?

[amberlyn]

I have had a therapist suggest for me to move onto a different therapist because she claimed to not be able to help me with certain aspects of therapy. And yes, I felt very hurt, rejected, and abandoned ... HOWEVER, I realized that it was for the best. Perhaps your therapist sees possible apprehension in the conversation of your sexuality. Maybe he thinks that, in regards to sex, you won't be able to open up as well to him as you would be able to with a female because of your past. No matter what, try not to take it personally. Remind yourself that he has helped you so much in the past two years that anything he does now is only to help you further

Wishing you well.

[Hunter]

He asked me to talk to a woman therapist about my sexuality which I am not even sure what he means by that.

And then he said we will continue therapy together.

I am not comfortable opening up to another therapist - I would much rather work things out with him. We have already talked about self pleasure and my sexual acitivity which is non existant at the moment.

What does he mean by sexuality. Sorry but when it comes to sex, I have never had a positive experience with sex ever, just bad stuff.f

thanks

[Schillaci]

Hi Hunter,

Some psychologists think female sexuality can only be understood by females and male sexuality only by males. I'm not sure, but I believe it's a Freudian thought. My bet is that your therapist personally doesn't understand female sexuality, and that he blames his gender.

Much love,

Schillaci

[IrmaJean]

I am really sorry to hear this, Hunter. I can understand why you feel hurt and confused. I think one of the main reasons why I wanted a male therapist was to have my faith restored in men in some way, that they could be gentle and kind and not use me for their own personal satisfaction. So I had to delve into this area of discussion with my therapist. I also have a sexual issue that I had to discuss with him openly. I found all of this to be very healing and especially meaningful since my former therapist is male. Have you told him how you feel about this? It's always best to be open and honest with your therapist about your feelings. Any of us may speculate as to why, but asking him would be the best choice, I would think. Maybe if you talk with him, he will reconsider or at least offer a clearer explanation of why.

[David O]

Good morning Hunter,

Thought to answer this from the psychologist/therapist side. I know this is very difficult and understand well how opening up to another clinician, rebuilding trust, and seemingly starting all over could be very uncomfortable. I think that over 9 year of my own therapy (expected in our graduate program), I had around 13 therapists (psychoanalysts, cognitive behavioral, Gestalt, etc.)-- it was disheartening and I never felt complete in the experience, but I did know what it was like to be the client. I refer, with great discomfort, but also with the understanding that it may need to be done. Clients I have referred may:

1) require a different set of skills than I have to offer, but only to an extremely competent therapist

2) sexualize the relationship even after discussions that this is not our purpose

3) have maxed out my skills and capacity to help

4) evoke strong counter-transference issues that I'm unable to work thru even with consultation from another psychologist or psychiatrist

5) be as a result of a client becoming excessively dependent and thereby eliminating their own self reliant, self responsible and self managing skills, which some will leave at the door when they leave my office.

These have been my reasons for referring out, there are more but this is my list. What I've learned with great humility and humbleness is that I'm not an expert in every area of psych, in fact I'm overly specialized now and am careful only to accept those who I know will benefit from my services, which is >90% of the ones come come in.

I try to read up, obtain consultation, take additional courses and workshops in areas I'm unfamiliar with, but still am not always the best at everything, so as a responsible, caring and understanding clinician-- I know my limitations. We all have them in the field-- which is now huge, too broad for any one clinician to be able to understand all areas.

Gone are the days of the generalist!

I also agree completely with Irmajean, and Symora.

I hope this helps,

David