I told the truth, now I get the cold shoulder

[mscat]

For Christmas, My foster father wanted to send my son and I back to Disneyland. Great gift... Nice gesture. Last yr. I tried to tell my father I was not able to handle that, because of issues of agrophbia, and fear of crods, people , ect. He became irate, and flat out told me itwas for my son.. I felt terrible, a lousy parent, and weak . So we ended up going. It was a nightmare for me, but, my son really had a nice time.

I had just got out of the Hospital a couple weeks before christmas , and spent 5 weeks in CCU . I cried when I found out they wanted to send us back to this trip. the family does not know me, at all, or cares at all about anything regarding me. It is all about my son , which is ironic becsuse when he was born, they gave me hell. I was a single parent , and their religious beliefs clouded their judgement regarding anybody having a child without being married first.

Now, that seems to be over, and all they care about is my kid, even though they know absolutely nothing about my son or I.

My father sent me an email , about the Disneyland trip, and i had to tell him.

Told him that it was very nice to offer to take us, and such, however, I had to let him know about how I have lost mobility in my arms, shoulders, hands and have a contracture in one of my arms which I can't move my arm , or extend it all the way, + the physical pain that I still experience .

Not to mention all the other mental health issues . I did not go into detail about that, because I did not think they would really care. I told the truth though about not being able to go.

my father, he has NOT responded. Left me hanging high and dry. That is what I get for telling the truth. He must be absolutely pissed . now I feel badly. Badly for telling him the truth, but glad I finally had. However it sucks , because now I get the silent treatment.

I let my son down needlesly , because he should have talked to me about going to a big trip beforehand. Instead of assume it was such a great idea. He did find out about the hospital stay. It was not like he was in the dark about everything .

It is crappy sometimes, to be honest, than get the silent treatment. I am hurt , and angry . However, I wish that he would talk to me, and understand . but I can't get him to. If I could go , I would , and yes, I know my son would love going a second time.

Guess I feel like a selfish bitch, once again the family suceeds , in helping me feel like trash.

[finding my way]

mscat, that member of the family has not ever been supportive of you in the way you need. I'm sorry you are so alone in so many ways. Is there another option that would work out? Are you the only one that could go with your son? I'm sorry this is so painful.

[Symora]

I admire you for having had the courage to be honest with your family. It does show that you have come a long way in my eyes, it's like coming out of the closet in a way. It takes oumpspa to take that chance knowing how they are...

I can really relate to the never ending scapegoating thing... I was that in my family until my father passed away 2 years ago. Now the family dynamics are changing. I admitted about 5 years ago to them that I suffered from depression. You would think they would have seen that long ago, but no, they had always preferred to see me as fucked up and unworthy of respect...

Sometimes no reaction is because they just don't know what to do and how to react - sort of that deer in the headlights thing. Catches them by suprise and they don't know what to do about it, so they just sit there silently. I suggest you give them some time to integrate what you have revealed, and who knows what will happen after that. My family also reacted with silence and denial, but recently it has started to shift and I can feel a lessening in the judgement towards my condition... Telling them was the right thing to do, the realistic thing to do so that they can better understand your decisions.

Your kid has seen Disney, he will not suffer from not seeing it again - nor would he have suffered if he had never seen it! It's nice, fun, but optional for happiness...:-) If they are so gunho about taking him again, then they could take him themselves given that you are in no condition to... hey, I'm just saying..

[mscat]

It has been mentioned to have someone else take my son to the trip... However, he is autistic, I don't trust anybody else with him that far away with him. '

my family is quite manipulative , and now my son loves them , despite not knowing them as who they really are. They got him brainwashed already. He is too impressionable, and the trip is about 3 1/5 hrs away . I could not let him go with anybody else. It would kill me , without knowing if he is safe.

I just can't stand the silent treatment , however if my father is just going to get angry or explode about this dumb trip, then I rather him not say anything at all.

i've have mental health issues the majority of my life. they have become severe, the family just is not as aware of the details . however, they do know

I have hurt myself severely enough to be in the critical care unit. But they say nothing about it.

I guess sliense is golden in this twisted family of what I am suppose to belong to

[musemuse]

Hey Mscat,

Some families can be so hurtful, especially when it comes to what they want..

He became irate, and flat out told me itwas for my son.

They want to take your son alone, without coming out and saying it, it appears to me. Just tell them, outright, that he is not going anywhere without you. Certainly, they can expect that from mothers. I never let my daughter go on trips with anyone, I took her myself, if we went. So you are not alone in that.

I'm sorry that you have this to go through, along with your other things. However, be who you are and stand strong in that. It will eventually pass.

It seems to me, he wants some sort of control, anyway; and why should he have it?

I have had and do have my family issues too. You are not alone in that.

Take care of yourself and your son,

much love,

[mscat]

I am over 40 yrs old and still can't believe I have to deal with family bullshit. I've never been close to this family, always have the attitude that I am not good enough for them, nor do I fit in with their lifestyle . Always felt different and ostrazised .

However, when it comes to my son, and what I feel is best, for the both of us, I have to take a stand. It just pissess me off to get the silent treatment , for being honest . Honset about why the trip is not a good idea , and why I am unable to handle it.

I guess it will all blow over in a matter of time, i just hate the lack of communication with these people. It really sucks.

[mscat]

My father responded to my email, finally aboout the trip. told me he is sad and diappointed.

Yep, I knew that was coming. I wrote him back , told him more about my lack of mobility, and how i can't grip things in my hands, drop stuff , when I least expect it. told him about starting physical therapy , and the contracture.

however, did let him know that my kid is doing well , and thriving. I do not want him to think I am a terrible parent despite all of what is happening . At least he responded. Still feel shitty , and wish he talked to me about the trip beforehand , instead of allowing my kid to beleive it was a certain. Something like that, something that big, going out of town to a huge trip like that again, and especially without him knowing anything about what the hell is going on , would of been nice for me to have let him know before having to let my kid down.

my son is my world , and somehow I failed. Because of this, among other things. He and that family just do not know crap, or ever ask , so it places me in a bad light, when they decided to plan a trip for us, unkowingly , the things that are happening right now in the present.

I want to tell them thanks a fuckin whole lot .... For putting me in the bad guy spot .

This does not help at all, wants me to further take it out on myself . Seems like that is the only damn thing I am good at doing. just pissed off About the whole messed up situation.

[musemuse]

somehow I failed

How have you failed? I don't see it. How old is your son? If he is old enough, you can tell him about things -- not being able to afford to go on trips all the time, not sending him anywhere "out of town" without you because you would like to be there, if something happens, and things happen all the time (Look at or listen to the news). Just tell him that you are a responsible parent! If he is old enough to understand somethings, whether he acts like he understands or not, it is that way (meaning depending on how spoiled he is and having his way a lot). If he is not old enough to understand, tell him anyway and let it be what you say (period). He is a child, your child, and sometimes you must be firm about things, or at least I was. It is your intension to raise him. Forget what 'father' thinks. You are his parent. He is not putting you in a "bad guy" spot. You have, in your mind. Take it away and put yourself in the spot that you desire to be in, the parent. So what your dad is disappointed, you (other people plus your dad) has been are are disappointed. If it was me, I would be disappointed that he (dad) is trying to make a big mountain out of nothing. Let things be and let you do your job, as a parent. If you want advise or help, then you will ask. Right?

oh well,

it will all pass, anyway and something else will come up. So let this go and move forward.

[smallstar]

Hey mscat,

i was just thinking, what if you accepted the trip, but at a later date when you are feeling better physically? Is that an option?