the world and hospitals suck

[passionfruit3]

I hate mental hospitals. Even my first one though it was better than all the others I have to admit. It's mainly because im always off my meds when I go there. But I still am a little crazy. Whenever I go to a mental hospital I bang my head and my fist against the wall I climb on counters when there's a bed or desk I can hide under I hide under that. I try and suffocate myself with a pillow and cut myself with anything I can find. Im always getting sick i blacked out three times total, threw up twice, And had one bad reaction to the meds they where giving me which made me have constant uncontrollable movement in my arms I felt like somebody with tic syndrome. I also attempted to AWOL from the regular and mental hospital cause this kid did it and now every time I go im convinced I can. So me and mental hospitals are not big fans sadly I've given up on staying out this was my sixth hospitalization in February . They told my parents if i come back one more time they'll put me in a long term facility. i won't see my family cause it's far away and they say they won't be able to visit me. Which is hard because i don't know how im going to stay out im always suicidal every day and eventually I always act on it

[SweetSue]

Hey passionfruit3

Its ok, I dont think your actually meant to like p/hospitals, when I get admitted I hate it - big time. That hatred for the darn places, gives me the inspiration to try my hardest to get well and get the hell out of there ASAP.

You know escaping once you have been admitted, only makes matters worse and creates more problems than it actually solves. The first time I went AWOL was as a teen, it served its purpose, till I got caught by the police, and returned

Actually looking back Im kinda grateful that I was returned, I was a little worse for wear, very disorientated and not safe when they found me, although at the time, I really didnt see it that way. Then in a wierd way I got hooked to escaping, seriously spent all my rational (query) moments working out the best way to do it, and took every oppertunity to do so. It became a game to me. Me versus THEM. You see even though they told me they were there to help, I didnt believe them, didnt trust them. They were just prision guards to me. in my mind not very nice ones either.

Eventually after many many months, I admitted defeat, I was just getting iller, and reluctantly came round to the idea the only way of me getting my freedom back was by doing things there way.

Just take one day at a time, if you get re admitted again, just try your best to listen to what the staff tell you. Im not saying dont be you, if you feel you need to hide under your bed do it, if thats what makes you feel safe, but dont do it coz its a kinda game, that just makes your recovery harder. Im 36 now, and sadly I still feel the need to hide when Im admitted, but the staff were understanding, once I explaned to them what was happening for me, and they gotten used to looking under my bed when doing there checks.

I hope that you start to feel better soon, and that the urges lessen

Take care

[malign]

PF3, it's nice to meet you; I don't think we've had the chance, until now.

What I was wondering was, where are "you" during your hospitalizations?

First, I guess, is, do you think you've needed to be hospitalized?

If yes, then where do the behaviors that you describe, like hurting yourself or trying to escape, come from? Do you have control over them?

And if you don't feel you needed a hospital, what do you feel you need, instead? You clearly realize that there are issues, such as self-harm and suicidal feelings, that you need help with; is there some other way to get that help?

[jago45]

PF3, it's nice to meet you; I don't think we've had the chance, until now.

What I was wondering was, where are "you" during your hospitalizations?

First, I guess, is, do you think you've needed to be hospitalized?

If yes, then where do the behaviors that you describe, like hurting yourself or trying to escape, come from? Do you have control over them?

And if you don't feel you needed a hospital, what do you feel you need, instead? You clearly realize that there are issues, such as self-harm and suicidal feelings, that you need help with; is there some other way to get that help?

My experience has also been that psychiatic wards are worthless. For one thing, it typically takes at least 6 to 8 weeks for an antidepressant to work. Secondly the wards are generally run by social workers. You rarely see a psychiatrist or even a therapist. Unless there is a bad home situation, it's far better for the patient to be treated as a patient on an outpatient basis. Worrying about the hospital bill is enough to put the patient under stress.

There were a number of low-cost treatment options in my area where they charge you on a sliding scale based on in income.

[Pakhawaj]

I think you are supposed to dislike them, for motivational purposes...

It is much worse to dislike life and miss going to a mental hospital though, I grew too used to the fake environments with fun trips and constantly having friendly patients to talk to.

Do you not have a free hospital nearby if you are concerned about money? In my experience, the only difference is comfier sofas, no difference in quality of service.

How have you had six hospitalisations? Are you very old or did they discharge you early? It's awful thinking about not seeing your family while you're stuck in such a place... I managed to sneak a mobile phone with internet access in, which helped slightly for companionship, I think I would have been much more worse off without it.

I think for almost the first two months of my admission I did nothing but hide or suffocate myself, eventually I was forced to join the rest of the patients, but it took another month or so before I was willing to talk. Things take time I suppose.

[Lindamomof7]

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[Lindamomof7]

Hi passion fruit

I'm not sure how old you are but it sounds like you are having tremendous difficulty right now and I hope you find the courage and strength to see how you can make a difference in your life by taking control of your treatment and be an advocate for yourself to understanding your illness and what needs to be done. Until the professionals see that you are willing to accept and have the desires to be better, they will always take away any power or control from you.

I would suggest listenening to Sweet Sue, she seems to have been through this all her life and being able to understand will help you in the long run.

Do you think your behaviors warrant a stay in a psychiatric hospital? I think all of us go into the denial stage but it is when we accept it and want to get help is when you might feel different. And I hope that comes soon for you...

I have spent my whole life not ever knowing anything about psychiatry at all. But 4 yrs ago at age 44 I crashed and went into major depression. I was hospitalized, fought it, was the patient from hell, denied everything they said but I felt different, didnt know why. So after a few more hospitalizations for unsafe behavior like suicidal attempts and constant running away because I was so confused, it wasnt till I hit bottom and realized there is something wrong and I need help. It wasnt till then did the staff treat me and my needs and finally we have a great understanding of my bipolar and PTSD diagnosis.

In 4 yrs I have been admitted to the hospital 24 times, yes 24 times!!! I go when I am cycling too low, feel suicidal, go to start meds, go because of bad side effects to meds at home.

And they treat me with respect because I took control of standing and accepting my illness and advocated in a somewhat mature matter of what I need from the staff to help me. And they have changed rules for me, advocated for me and helped me when I needed some extra help.

So I guess my point is, help be a part of your own recovery, find a hospital that you feel comfortable in and help advocate for yourself by accepting and understanding your illness and behaviors...

Good luck to you

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Passionfruit,

Mental Hospitals and all hospitals are awful. However, there are times when we need them. I would not say that mental hospitals are worthless, I would say they are a necessary evil when someone is in deep, deep trouble. So, I don't blame you for hating them.

Allan