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Well....I'm back from Russia. It was soooooooooo awesome to be back there. I was worried I'd forgotten all my Russian but it clicked in right away when our transportation didn't arrive at the airport and I had to negotiate gypsy cabs. The first week was spent with a service group from the US. that was good and the students seemed to have a good time and appeared to learn a lot. Then I got to send them away and had time to just be. I got to play with the kids at a baby orphanage. Lots of social time with my "family." I miss our midnight dinners around the table talking about everything, reciting poetry, singing or whatever else the spirt moved us to do. I miss not feeling the need to stifle my personality. I miss being able to work with the kids there in ways that are so much better than how we do it in America.

So....now I'm back in the US and my head is spinning. So many emotions and impossible to even identify them much less to put them into perspective. It was so great seeing my "family" there and especially seeing "my kids." (I lived and worked with orphans)

I realize how much I miss my life there. But it's a life I can't have back. I realize that but can't get rid of the longing for that life. My heart hurts so much!! It really puts an exclaimation mark on how much I don't like my job here. I don't even know where to begin in sorting this out and figuring out how to move forward or even if to move forward. I'm so confused!!!!

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I don't know that I can replicate it over here. I find myself pretty impatient with the "reverse culture shock" that I always experience when I come back to America. Our wastfullness. Our sense of entitlement. etc etc etc. It's not just about being around Russians. It's about the work I was involved in, the kids that come to the center, the culture as a whole. Most of all, it's about the people in my friendship circle. Their values are aligned with mine in a way that I haven't found over here.

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Do you think you would like a job in the schools, danni? That's were I work, and we sure haven't got feelings of "entitlement!":p It's a very tough working environment, so maybe I shouldn't recommend it, but it is a place where the needs are true and the people are coming to work every day to do what they can.

Hope today is better for you!

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