Whispers in the dark...

[Rman34]

Been some time since I have posted here, been trying to get my life in order and so on, as well as dealing with my self on a personal level. Last time I posted about exterm emotions withdraw from the world, things have gotten better in some ways but worse as well. As of late it seems like I can do nothing more but then to think of "dark" thoughts, like I often fansitise about killing some one, and how I would do, I would ofc never act on these but it is like my mind loves the idea of the vilocen and the depe hate that is prodocced from said thoughts, it is like I can see the image in my mind of what I will do, ever little detail and so on. Isolation has been my key as of late as well, keeping away from people in general is satisfying for me, I can not stand other people as of late, I see them like bugs running around in there own little lives caring not what they are doing or were they may be going. I often fantasize of a world with out these people what it would be like just to purge them off the face of the earth and to be the only person here all on my own.

[Aaron.X.C]

Heh, were you reading my minds script? But uhh yeh thats the way I feel, except I would act on "these". I try not to I see other people as drones, fake people like worker bees, who do everything in a certain order and fashion and I'm the only one who seems real, thje only one who can look around and everyone else are... i don't know... it's f'cking weird.

[Rman34]

I highly doubt it. Seems like more people think this way then I thought, so maybe it is not just me...

[Calla]

I certainly find other people tiring and it's hard work to be around them. So I can understand how isolation can be satisfying. Sometimes though I find myself getting lonely inspite of how I feel about people so I'm working on trying to be better at making an effort with people.

People can be selfish. What is it about people that annoys you so much?

[kaudio]

A wise man once noted that hell is other people. The major factor here is perception. To explore how I see others, how others see me, and how I think others see me, can be an ugly exercise. But, there must be a balanced approach to this exploration. I can't depend on the perceptions of others to carve out my own identity, nor can I completely ignore them.

The perceptions of others affirms my existence as much as I affirm theirs. However, this perception should never be fixed. If I think someone is a drone, they may not be a drone forever. Thinkers like Sartre believe that everyone is not yet complete while they live. As long as people live, they have the potential for any sort of act. A criminal has the potential to commit acts of heroism, and a hero has the potential to commit acts of criminality. Yet, it is only until death that one can even hope to begin to say that this person was A, B, or C. In practical terms, people very rarely can be summed into a single category. Even drones commit acts inconsistent with that of drones.

The same applies to yourselves.

I agree with Calla that people do need some wind-down time to themselves. Make that quick pit stop, kick up the feet with no one around, you know? But, soon enough I'll miss the people who pissed me off and the race begins again. It's all good.

[Guest nejiwhopper]

..........

[Rman34]

I had no idea that others felt, well in way the way I feel about it. I agree people are jugmental, I guess I am being semi-hypercritical cus of what i posted earlier, but it is how I really feel. It is like, I went to the store today, I saw some guy walking across the street, real baggy shorts with boxers sticking out, some t-shirt that I have seen a dozen times talking on a cell phone. I felt a rush of anger and pure hate from him...I just wanted to run him over and never look back...

[Guest nejiwhopper]

..........

[Rman34]

Well it dosent matter much to who it is or what geneder they may be it is like pure rage when I do get set off like that. I guess I am pretty f**ked up in the head...

[Aaron.X.C]

I have those urges so maybe we're both f'cked up in the head. The more the merrier

[kaudio]

I can relate to the stress of being out and about. I think everyone can relate to the example of visiting the market because everyone experiences stress to some degree. People often carry out their errands with objectives in mind and sometimes they end up doing things that obstruct the objectives of others. The skill to negotiate these obstructions with minimal effort is crucial here. When things get too hot, one needs the self-awareness to know when to re-focus and walk away and take a few minutes to calm down.

Clearly, everyone here has self-awareness because no one carried out some of the things shared here. I've had those moments too. The ones when you really can't think of anything other than physically smashing the source of what's bothering you at that point. But, this is when you have to remind yourself of your objectives. Once you stay focused, you can figure out what you need to carry out your objectives, what may obstruct you from achieving them, and when you have gone off track. We all do this naturally, but doing it consciously can make you more effective.

Going back to the market example, whenever people go shopping the objective is that they usually have particular items in mind to purchase. Using this objective as point of reference, as already noted people may obstruct the paths or views to these items. What are the points of least resistance? (As Bruce Lee will tell you, be like water. Flow through the cracks.) What moves will bring you closest to the goal? Saying 'excuse me' or 'could you move to the side, please?', may help. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, the only action to take is wait.

This process also applies naturally to moments when we all want to destroy things as well. Again, one becomes more effective when it is applied consciously. One question that comes to mind while reading Rman's posts is why would you opt to be as destructive as to hurt or kill others you see as drones or insects? What is the purpose in doing so?

With respect, if there is no meaningful purpose and these thoughts are merely based on urges from anger and rage, then you are wasting your energy. You could be working on other objectives that may be more worthwhile than getting hot and bothered for nothing. I mean, if this happens in all of a passing moment, cool. Join the club! It's a big one! But, if you spend 15 minutes, a half-hour, an hour, fuming to yourself, then you really need to start cutting back. If the average is an hour of fuming, try to use a timer and give yourself 50 minutes. Commit yourself to fume as hard as you can within that time, but afterwards you must go on to another goal.

[Rman34]

it is not my goal to get mad, or even have these feelings, your post seems (from what I understood) not to understand what I feel or what triggers them, not that I expect you too, after all you do not know me on a personal level. it is more on a sub consions level not something I want to "feel"

[kaudio]

You're right, I don't know you. Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that your goal was to be angry. But, I did intend to give you a way to channel some of that energy you have to other things.

These feelings are something of an investment of energy, even if they are on a subconscious level. I feel that the question of why one invests the energy the way they do is very helpful. Sometimes if there is no answer - or satisfactory answer - then it is best to try some other investment.

[Rman34]

Understood, but always easier said then done, and it only masks the heart of the issue, not answer it. So it might help to quell some of the feelings for a time, bit if the root is never solved then it just leads a "door" wide open for a relapse of these negative feelings

[kaudio]

I suppose my suggestion does seem to sweep things under the rug as opposed to directly addressing the matter. But, if you consider life as a flow, then one will always come across things, feelings, and memories that are relatively unpleasant. Sometimes it is a strength to recognise some problems as having no answers and to move on. I'm not sure if this is one of those problems, but I offer this thought anyway. Just as the water of a river never dwells, neither do you. An ability to shift focus allows you to control the flow as opposed to being carried away by it.

[Aaron.X.C]

I'm not one to say excuse me or please move, only if I'm trying to be fancy. Most of the time ill just bump their shoulders to show what an asshole they are . Or ill lift up the right side of my shirt to show them my sheathed knife than tell them to the hell out of my way. Works for me. A good intimidation tactic too.

[kaudio]

Hi Aaron, interesting options you have there. Unfortunately some of them are outright illegal.

Following up on the example, getting arrested for threatening someone with a weapon probably means you won't finish shopping very soon either.

The intimidation and the threat of violence are two different things. Intimidation happens everyday and occurs very easily. Merely meeting and introducing oneself to strangers can be somewhat intimidating. But, there is nothing particularly right or wrong about intimidation. One's deliberate use of intimidation may be noted against him by others of course.

On the other hand, the choice to use violence means you pit yourself with those who share in that choice and take your chances. The threat of violence only brings you immediate attention and power for as long as the threat exists. This may work out for the short-term, but there is the probability that you earn the attention of law enforcement. You'll be entered into the system, and suddenly you will find yourself on the not so happy side of the fence (socially...maybe physically!). Also, there will always be someone else with a bigger gun and a bigger knife, with more money and friends, or whatever else. A violent world is tough to live in is basically what I want to say.

[Rman34]

Well, as stated before I never act on any of the things I think or feel. But in general when I meet some one new, they always say I am a very intimidating person, and the thing is I do not try to it is like something about me seems to make people a bit uneasy until they get to know me, then they find out underneath this mass mess of confusion and overalmying emotions lies a gental hearted peaceful guy. As I always said, I never wanted to be the kinda guy others see, it is just a matter of time before I get everything under control, and talking about it on this forum helps, even if I grasp little advice from the pervoius posts, just having a "safe" place to tell others how and what I am thinking in its own way helps me. learning how to master these emotions and as some else said, direct the "flow" of them. But, over all, my goal in the end is to change not who I am, but what I am and what others see me as.

[kaudio]

About the perception of others, just be yourself, Rman. This is all anyone can ever ask of you. If being yourself means you come off strong to strangers, so be it. Without more facts, it is incumbent upon others to get over their own feelings to see you clearly as a person.

Now if there are some things that you notice yourself doing that increases the feelings of intimidation among those who do not know you, sure change it if you please. But, don't go out of your way to hunt for things real or imagined that may make others a little uncomfortable.

Clearly, you are a very considerate person. People should be able to grasp that spirit from you easily enough. We're strangers to each other after all. If I can see this, surely others can as well.

[Rman34]

Well, I never wanted to change who I am. I want to change WHAT I am. Who I am and what I am is totally different. What I am, decibes, at least the way i put it, is how i do not normally act, or unsaly types of behavior, who I am is what I will always be, and have no intention of ever changing that. If that makes sense, I do don't know makes sense to me some how.

[Aaron.X.C]

Maybe I'll get stuck inside an isolation cell, actually seems comforting.

[Rman34]

I could imagine it wodent, you would be told what to by people you do not know, imo this would make things was worse for people like us. I am just think about, they would tell you when to get up, when to eat what do and so on, and the thing is you would have no were else to go to get away from them all

[malign]

Well yeah, about the only thing you could assume about prison is that they wouldn't give you what you want ...

Nothing to defend yourself with and surrounded by large angry men doesn't sound like the ideal way to spend your time.

[Aaron.X.C]

By isolation cell, i meant being isolated from the world alone, live alone and die alone. No one to bother. It really feels comforting...

[Rman34]

Well, i can tell deep down inside you enjoy human contact to a certain degree, I mean for example, you are on this forums, and that is it a forums of communication with people just with out having to see them face to face. So this (at least what I think) tells me in part that you enjoy human interaction on some kinda level.