Aaron.X.C Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I'm getting so tired of trying to appear normal with feelings, I don't even have. I don't get the point of it anymore. I dont have empathy, I don't know why I pretended, it's pointless I do a horrible job at pretending. Everyone knows I'm not normal. Everyone knows theirs a big something wrong with me. I just don't have the motivation, I'm tired of this bs love, happines, care, sorryness. I don't feel any of it, I can only pretend. I just want to say let them die, or who cares, or go die already. Just kill yourself already, your useless. And now i have feeling of pointlessness I don't have a goal in my life. I have no point in live, I'll never have anything. Material possessions such as this computer just allow me to vent my pathetic pity party. I truly don;t know what the point of life is for me, I'm going to live alone(assuming I don't die or kill myself) and die alone. I'm not interested in love or sex, its uninteresting, boring, pointless.(I know the end result) I don't feel remorse, I know what remorse is, to regret what you have done. But I don't remorse, I only pretend. I just wish i could live in an isolation cell so I can die alone and go crazy with privacy. I should be tearing up, but I'm not. I'm so tired, so exhausted of pretending to laugh at jokes that are supposed be funny and make you happy. Most of the jokes are intended to make fun of me, I just act like its nothing, and laugh at it, realizing how pathetic I am. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I have no motivation to live, no motivation to get "better", I just want to be alone forever even if it means killing people to be alone for just 1 day and know the feeling that I'll never be bothered again. Atleast for the day. I want to burn my school down and watch all those jerks whos made fun of me since kindergarten burn to death. And yet I'll get no excitement of that, I don't know what to do, nothing interests me anymore. All I feel is shame and hate and depression. I just want to die so badly, my parents won't care, they abused me, might show them what happen when you abuse some one, you'll drive some one crazy to their death.I don't have any real friends. NO ONE will care if i die. As I type this I feel more pathetic, I don't know where to go, 911 is not a choice loony flesh who pretend to save you, when they only want money from you. Crisis Centers, people who seem to care but don't understand. They assume you can do everything. It's almosttempting to call them have it on speaker then hang myself, and let them hear my death noises. I'm so messed up. It was nice talking to them until I realized it's just like talking to some cheapy a.i. therapist, just with an upgrade to say more things. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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