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still crying


danni
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The girl who never cries hasn't stopped for going on 7 hours now. This job has finally kicked my ass. I am broken. I have no fight left. I can no longer protect my employees from the injustices that will fall on them now because we "have to blame somebody" for anything that doesn't turn out perfectly. I've done everything I can think of to bring about change as have 6 of my fellow department directors. We are all disheartened, demoralized, and defeated.

I guess the job search is on for all of us. Maybe a mass exodus of some really good people will finally say something. In the mean time.......yup....more tears. :(

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7 hours??? I'm so sorry. :( I'm sorry that you're feeling upset and hurt. I'm sorry that you haven't been treated with the respect you deserve at work. I'm sorry I went to bed and wasn't here for you. :(

If the treatment you've been getting at work has been like this, maybe taking this step will eventually be a positive thing? I'm sure you tried everything you could to make positive changes.

Maybe your puppy can soothe you tonight? I hope so.

((((Danni))))

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thanks guys....

It is so hard to be here!! I'm still on the edge. A couple other directors came in here and we talked for about an hour. I hate crying in front of people!! But they both cried as we talked about it too because they are experiencing the same things. They are encouraging me to go formal and report discrimination, harassment, and a hostile work environment. They have both made reports about this man in the past as well. Nothing was done in those cases and the retaliation that occured made their lives difficult here. Maybe if I secure another job and have nothing to lose I will. Right now I need this job until I find another one.

Luna....yes, the cruise is still on. I leave on Friday. The time away is much needed!!

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Harassment and discrimination?

That doesn't sound like something systemic about the job, that sounds like something specific happened.

Please tell us about it? Otherwise, you might end up feeling like it's your fault.

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My boss is really hard to work with. It's very much about power and control. That and the fact he makes it very clear he doesn't respect or like to work with women. He has to be right and everything accomplished has to be a result of something he does. He doesn't want anyone to have knowledge about anything that would be more than he has. He micromanages EVERYTHING to accomplish this and then undermines if we dare to make our own professional judgement. It's become an impossible environment to work in for the 6 directors who are underneath him. He also doesn't have the knowledge to micromanage our departments. There's a reason that I supervise therapists. Because I AM one!! He is not!! Nor is he a nurse or a social worker so those directors have to work hard to protect the employees in their departments as well.

We have been told we can't speak up about concerns at meetings. We are not to talk with HR or Quality Assurance about anything without him present. We can not offer confidentiality to the employees we supervise at all. We have to disclose all supervision conversations to him. He complains to other directors about us and what we "don't get" or how stupid women are rather than speaking directly with us. Nothing is open to discussion. His words are, "this is a dictatorship, not a democracy." I could go on....but you get the idea.

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that's what the other directors are encouraging. But nothing happened when they reported it except retaliation that we all had to endure because he wasn't sure which one of us made a complaint. In a toxic environment like that, it's hard to know if I'll have a job coming out of it. I also need a paycheck so maybe when I secure another job would be better timing for it. However, I don't want the other department directors to have to pay for my complaint either. It's a tough situation.

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Julie, there are laws against retaliating in the workplace for complaints of harassment. The problem seems to be that you're complaining within the system? Heck, in that atmosphere you should be praying he'll fire you so that the lawsuit would be a slam-dunk ...

Okay, I know it's not that easy, and I'm sorry.

But you do have a tendency to think you won't be believed, when you report something that's clearly wrong. Don't let that make you feel somehow responsible ...

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Eventually, when something smells bad enough, people do something about it.

Though I understand how difficult it would be to be the one who raises a stink.

But there's also the point I made about maybe they didn't report it to the right place. Within the organization, there might be reasons to ignore the problem. Those reasons wouldn't exist in a court, for instance.

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they reported it to both the HR director and the CEO. Those should be the people who address it. It is weird to me that when it is a group of people providing evidence of these incidents, that they still don't address it. But, then again there is a clear pattern of rankism as well. It appears that those on top of the ladder can't be touched.

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  • 3 months later...

I found out yesterday that the grievance was not substantiated. I am the next person in the line of complaints who was not believed. The response actually said that she (CEO) feels that what is going on doesn't affect me like I say it does. I've always thought my ability to "fake it" and hide my true feelings and get the job done was a strength. Now it's being used against me. Although I think my doctor, who has been reccomending an extended leave because of how the stress is physically affecting me may have a difference of opinion.

so....I called in sick today. I'm still in my pajamas at 2PM. I don't think I could feel more depressed.

I don't know what I was expecting when the 3 who tried before me got the same results. Isn't a little strange that if we are so problamatic, wouldn't the people we supervise be having major complaints about us? They like us. We work very hard to insulate the professional staff from all this bullshit but either way....they feel supported by us and the working relationships are good. I just don't get it!!!

I feel so defeated. I can't even cry. I'm so numb. There aren't any jobs in this community that are at this level right now. I would like to just crawl under a rock and die :(

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I'm so sorry, danni. (((((danni))))) I wish my hugs could help right now. :(

It's pretty unbelievable to me that three people haven't been enough to substantiate the claims. Do you have any options left? I hate to think of you staying there in that hostile, abusive environment, but I understand it's your job too. I imagine you feel trapped in this mess. I'm not much help...:(

Did you ever decide whether to speak with your friend about your concerns and feelings? I hope you can get puppy comfort tonight.

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Thanks. Hugs always help!!

yeah...I feel pretty stuck right now. Actually, I feel defeated and hopeless.

I did use a lifeline and phoned a friend :( I went over to his office when he closed today and showed him the results. He couldn't believe it and almost seemed more upset about it than I was. Well....I'm still hurt and he was angry. Anyway....he does give great hugs and it was nice to snuggle on his couch and cry a bit. His wife came in a little later (they are both PHD psychologists and have a practice together.) Anyway....she had worked in a situation like that before they went into private practice together. It was kind of frustrating to listen to her story. To hear of another situation where the people "at the top" are untouchable.

I don't know why I expected a different result when the people before me got the same response. but I think I may be pretty triggered by it because I'm in a situation that's abusive. I tried to do something about it and again wasn't believed. Just like when I was a kid.

Oh...and yes, beth, the puppy is here with me. I'm on my bed with the netbook and "velcro" vizsla is attached to me sleeping with one of the cats attached on the other side.

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Hi Danni, I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I work in HR and I see these types of situations often. I find upper management is generally conflict resolution adverse and middle management is caught in the squeeze. It's easier to hide one's head in the sand, pretend it's not that bad, and make believe that all is well, especially if he is getting them the results they are looking for. Eventually they usually can't keep the lid on the pot though, and often there is an exodus of people who leave the organization in search of better tomorrows.... It is difficult to get rid of a tyranical person, especially someone at a high level, and it is often ugly and costly. So they pretend and hope it will all go away. Perhaps if people start dropping off, by leaving or taking extended sick leave, they will have to address the situation.

In my experience, if you think that he is protected and there will be no action to curb his dictator attitude (which seems to be the case since the other 3 complaints saw no results), then it is wise to start looking elsewhere. It does not have to be tomorrow, but starting to think about your options and putting your feelers out sounds reasonable at this point and may save your sanity :(.... You have been sad and frustrated by this for a long time Danni and it is taking it's toll... The world is a big place and there are other opportunities out there...

I hope you feel better soon my dear and know that you deserve better! Have you considered mutiny as a group ??? :(

Edited by Symora
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I tried to do something about it and again wasn't believed. Just like when I was a kid.

I believe you.

I'm sorry you've been let down and betrayed yet again. :(

It's good that you have a supportive friend there who is listening and concerned. I hope you keep talking with him.

I hope velcro vizsla keeps you warm tonight too. Kitties as well? A bonus. :(

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Thanks everyone. It's nice to have a little hand holding when you feel so drained and defeated. Probably not so good that I'm just letting myself be depressed. another director got her "letter" on friday and it was just like the one I got. She can't leave though. They paid for the masters degree she is just finishing and owes them 5 more years. They did that to me to but my 5 years is up in April.

Symora....that's what makes it all the more frustrating. The people at the top band together and are untouchable. It puts all that much more pressure on us department directors because we work really hard to protect the professional staff we supervise and make sure they don't feel what's really going on. They are the one's who do and/or facilitate all the work that happens directly with clients and I don't want anything to distract them from that. But sometimes it feels like a huge burden to carry!!

I'll be out of the office some in the next few months though. Next week I'm doing continuing Ed. Going to a training on mindfullness based cognitive Behavioral therapy to treat personality disorders. I'm excited to not only be out of the office but it sounds like a good training.

Middle of February I'm in NY for a week for a work conference. Super boring (I'm the program administrator for the computer system we use and this is their annual training)

And then Haiti for 10 days in March.

Now....what to do with the time I'm there. He's kicked up his aggressiveness a notch since these two grievences went his way.

Edited by danni
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