sadgreeneyes Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 I am in need of some answers. I went to Jordan and married, after marriage when we should make love first time he made up a story not to be with me, it was a ridiculous story that even I knew was a lie, it wasnt before I took my belongings and left that he came after me and changed but he said first ok lets say I dont want to make love with you. I was so hurt and humiliated, how can he marry me and say he loves me and then say he doesnt want to make love with me. Then he said he lied and that the real reason was he was afraid as he was virgin, so we went back home and we made love. I was released because it came as a shock to me as he had talked like a non virgin before I went to see him saying he would eat me like lion and all kind of things and now when I was there he didnt want me but had married me, I got scared he married me for visa...thats why I took my belongings and left.Ok so we made love and things were ok, I said he did good and he seemed happy, I was happy too to see him happy because I want of course him to feel safe and that he feels great and like man.But when we made love he had problems kissing me,it was like grandmother kiss so I tried to kiss him more but he still seemed like he didnt want to kiss me and after we made love he couldnt hold me even I asked him nicely 3 times. He got mad when I talked about the kiss, he said angry this is my kiss!! I felt hurt thinking he doesnt like me or want me, I felt he had to force himself to be with me, when I asked him to lay down beside me to hold me that we could cuddle he came with lot of excuses what if he wants to shower, what if he is thirsty, what if he needs cigarette, you know it did hurt me so much, I felt like garbage like I was something he couldnt touch. I said to him ok if my husband cannot hold me then I dont want to make love anymore, so I stood up and dressed, then he said nooo and asked me can you be patient?? I was thinking patient, why on earth does he say that?? when I said further very serious I dont want make love with him he said ok he will hold me. But again he just hold me for 2 minutes like he had to force himself to be close to me, then he said he must shower. I have brought this up with him so many times and he begs me to forget the incident as he said that time he say much bullshit sometimes dont even know why he said that. So he begs me to forget it and I try, but I am in my country and he in his and I have to wait many many months for him to come here, that is fine I love him but I cant help thinking is he out for visa or me. Anyway its easy for me to see if he loves me when coming here, and I have told him this, he say I should not worry as everything will be fine and he will be normal and that it will be different, he said he did a mistake in Jordan.I hope this is true.When I again brought this up some days ago he said : but I did kiss you. I said that is not a kiss that is kiss you give your grandmother, the he said ok I know all the words you want to say and say again everything will be fine..he is so sure.But I mean he must underestimate me a great deal when he "again" say to me he did kiss me,specially when we have talked so many times about this. He even wondered how to hold me and asked like this??, again with a face telling me like he hope he didnt have too..like he played dumb not knowing how to hold someone. I honestly dont know what to think how he is thinking, I wondered is he gay, he said oh my god and said there is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with him and that things will be fine.Is it really normal to say and do all these things if he really was afraid to perform? he say this was the reason. But I am thinking he is 35 years old he must know they kiss with passion and all what come with making love. Sometimes I am thinking is it the blue movie he said he watched to learn and see how they did it, I am thinking if this is all he has seen he may think this is reality, he say he knows its not, he said after making love that he knew it all except for being close, how come he cannot know about closeness??And later he say he knows about closeness?? can someone help me out,it feels like he knows everything but is playing dumb with me.I am more depressed than before as I hope I have met real love this time and not yet an abuser.I must say he also pushed me verbally nagging 5 times to go down on him before marriage and one time later again after marriage. Ok that is fine and may help him, but the second time he ordered me nicely and quietly down on the bathroom floor ( note he didnt ask me) so he could watch me from distance to finish, but he couldnt. Then he said weeks later he felt bad for doing this. I think maybe it was because of performance anxiety, if so its ok. But I need to know was all this performance anxiety or did he actually not want me? He say he likes me and are attracted to me and that he wants me and think about me and that things will be all fine.I am thankful for all help and information.Sadgreeneyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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