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Moving on


goose
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Hi All

I haven't been here in a while - hope everyone is coping.

I have finally asked my husband for a seperation. I had to be quite strong and persistant about this as he bombarded me with reasons why this should not happen. Christmas was quite fraught as we both knew it would be the last one as a family.

He finally moved out about a week ago, but is finding it difficult to cut the ties , I am feeling the strain of it too (after 20 years of marriage). He is only 5 minutes down the road so the children (14, 17 and 19) can see him whenever they like.

Although I am grieving the loss, I also feel enormous relief and about 70% of the time I am quite happy in myself. We have not agreed maintenance terms yet, only that I will stay in the family home until the youngest is finished college.

This also brings me new challenges in the area of my social anxiety, this is something I will have to work out as time goes on.

One question I would like to ask advice on is: My husband was not good at spending time with the children and only did when I organised it - should I leave it to him now to make the move in that regard? I just don't want the children to feel rejected due to him being inconsiderate, I'm not sure what to do.:confused:

Any advice welcome.

Thanks

Goose

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Goosey,

It's nice to see you again.

I'm sorry things ended up the way they did, but I know you thought about it for a long time. I hope it works out okay.

Personally, I would suggest telling the children that you won't be arranging things for their dad any more, and telling him the same. If you make the arrangements, he has a reason not to (classic enabling). If you refuse to make them, he either has to learn, or he doesn't.

I know it feels like the kids are the ones who suffer, but ... how much did they benefit from the false image, before? I think honesty wins, in this case, don't you?

It might also be worth discussing a situation like that with your therapist. Are you still working with someone?

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Having been through this Myself as the husband & male I truly hope it all works out for All Of You.

For me although it has been 7yrs. after 23yrs of Marriage it Continues To Be A Work In Progress.

As long as there is some Line Of Communication & Everyone Feels Free & Safe to see Kids & Visa Versa That is definitly A Start & Progress in itself.

The Best to You & Everyone Involved;

Sincerely; Corvette

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