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Very angry :(


mscat
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My adult brother knows my son has autism, and a lot of times says things he hears other people say. I guess my brother thinks it is funny to be rude and says things that are very inapproiate about people when they are not around to hear it. My son hears it though, and it gets it stuck in his head.

Well today, one of my brother's friends who is disabled was with us at a grocery store.... A long time ago my brother would always say outloud about his "friend" that his children help wipe his butt.... Of course my son picks up on that, because My stupid brother always said it , like it was so funnny:eek:

Thing is that today when my brothers friend needed to use the restroom, my kid pops up and says, hey " " do your kids nrrd to help you wipe your butt :mad:

Friend gets out , and into his wheelchair , of to the restroom at the grocery store. I am in the car with my son, told him it was not ok to say that. My brother comes to the car and tells me his friend is pissed off about the remark my kid said.

I did have my son apologise , and did tell the friend that my son repeats what he hears . He seemed to accept my apology along with my son's. However, I am very upset with my brother. He is a grown man, talks crap like that about his friends, or whatnot, and my kid goes on to eventually repeats

it.

Then I have to hear how upset the person is... IT was my stupid, idiot of my brothers fault in the first place. I turned off my phone tonight, and do not want anything right now to do with him , because of his behavior. Brother knows that my kid has autism, but it does not stop him from opening his big fat mouth.

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If I were you I would try to limit their contact, but I agree that was very messed up of your brother to do. I think if you could not limit how much they talk, at least talk to your brother about the issue and explain that you may not care if he trash talks people behind their back but not to do it around your son. I wish you luck with everything.

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Thanks Sed. you know what pissess me off the most is that my brother know that Matt reapts a lot of things he hears , but he does not care. Then something like this happens. you are right, I don't want nothing to do with him right now. I turned off my phone , and hope he will just too busy to call or come over.

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Thank you Linda,

I really needed for someone who is also a mother , and raising a child on the autistic spectrum. My brother certainly is no help at all. He likes to tease Matthew , of course this sets him off, because he does not understand when my brother is joking:( And then can't watch his mouth either, even if it was about his friend ..... Matthew has a photographic memory, never forgets , so when it happened yesterday, I was mordified. To make matters worse, my brother comes back to the car, and tells me how upset his friend is . DUH, I should have told my brother right then and there, that it is his fault for talking like that when his friend was not around... and Matthew was. I do think he knows this , but my brother is not going take responsibilty for his actions.

Now all I want to do is not talk to my brother, or have anything to do wit him. My brother has his friend staying with him and his friends kids are there too. So he is busy with that family as well as his own.

Fortuntantely my bro has not bothered to call today. I do think he knows , but too busy to care. My bro and I are close. This is what hurts so much. I am still mad at him , and think the only way to deal with it right now, is to have space away from him . Every time my bro screws up like this he tries not to make it an issue. Blames my son, says MAtt will be Matt and so forth.

But it hurt somebody, a very disabled man that I was friends with too. Pisssess me off.

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Speaking of so friendsips, even my nephew is very mean to Matt. Thiskid cn gert others to behave the same way... And when is is "nice" to Matt he makes him always be the one it , playing hide and sick. They knoow he can't run and catch em. My nephew has issues though, big one. Possibly conduct disorder, later when he is older turne to a sociopath.. My therapist has heard a whole lot od information regarding my nephew,it is a small town , people talk all the time. this kid is just 14.

BTW, that is my brothers child. go figure. However, Matthew does geat at school, everybody is nice to him , treats him with respect , and enjoy him. He is high functioning, and we think that he has savant skills > Memory is photographic , never forgets anything ever. This does lead to something like this happening easily. He was not out to hurt anybody. He just reapeated what was said. And it was inaproiate. kids and adults, are not good with joking behavior , And my brother knows that.

I have cooled off a lot more now, but still have the phone turned off. Dang I only live a mile away. It is just quiet . I do love my bro very much, but when he says things around Matt, that he should not talk about , their are always going to be problems

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Cathy i was going to ask if there is anyone else in the family that is autistic or have other issues. Autism and such are herediatary. My husband's sister's son is just like my son. I think there are so many people especially boys or men who have touches of autism. i see it everywhere including a little in my boys. There is just something a little off not enough to be diagnosed and have intervention but i think the traits are there. Stay strong and follow your mother insticts, mine are always on high alert!!! :-))

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My bological side of the family is very fuzzy. I grew up in a foster home... Have seen my bio brothers, and they are ALL screwed up . This one brother is the only one that we can have a connection. He called me last night and practically yelling at me telling me how he knows something is wrong and to come out and just tell him. So I did. He said what comes out of his mouth just does, and he has no control over what he says at that paticular time, telling me it was not his fault. Yeah, but with Matthew , he knows Matthew repeats what he heres but is not thinking about at the time he says stuff.

He also came over today, and again apoligised, finally realised what I was trying to talk to him last night about.

As far as the father of my son, i do not have any background information on his family either.

It would not be terribly surprising if their is a family history of autism, I just do not know about it.

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Guest ASchwartz

mscat,

Living in a foster home has to be one of the most difficult thing a youngster has to go through. I am sorry you had to experience that.

Allan

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All of us biologial kids were taken. Expect for one, who was an infant at the time, and they hid the baby , and ran away. my youngest brother.... So the rest of us, 4 , were taken. Things went ok until it was not, had a huge problems with foster mother.. Ran away at 13 several times actually. So yes , it was horrible.

Well now my brother and I think it was actually pretty funny that my son repeated what he heard.. The disabled man stinks to high heavens, like crap , plus he is using my brother:( That guy should be in a nursing home because he is so limited. his three kids, foster homes, or out to family. those kids are terrible misbehaved. Hopefully they will move out of my bro's house soon. It is a huge burden on them right now . Brother is at wits end.

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Thanks Linda,

I do tend to get sucked into my brothers problems , especially when he comes over all stressed out. Seriously, i feel that I need to take a anxiety pill when he is around , just to calm down , listening to him. But i usually forget to do that.

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I know Cathy sometimes we do get sucked up into stuff we shouldn't. I think though it is very important for us to know when and where to put up some good tall walls. At least we put them up and we can take them down when we want to and when we feel it is safe for us.

Someone mentioned this to me today: Be Proactive Not Reactive

I think it is so true....

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  • 1 year later...

my gosh, since not being on the fourm for a while because of moving and all the changes in the last few months I had not updated this topic. After moving my son began talking more about how my brother treated my son, he also began hurting himself, leaving large bruises on his arms and a huge on on his stomach, I asked him why he was doing this, his response was he wanted to remember how it felt like after his uncle Tim hurt him, a lot of things came out, and I did not even know how bad my son had been treated by my own brother, it was much worse then I knew, I believe my son began telling me after the move because he felt safer, since now living further away from them .

Recently I cut all ties with my brother. I turned off my cell phone. disconnected my cell, and it came to my attention my brother was calling my son on my sons phone, tring to ask my son why mom would not talk to him that made me pissed off that he was talking to my son behind my back, and saying to my son that getting hurt physically is a part of growing up. Well it is not, and it is bullying behavior his own son is really bad news at 16 yrs old, not so much a bully but has been in kiddie jail before and laughs teases matthew, my son. I changed my sons cell phone number, an decided to just use one phone, bought more memory on his phone, matt can't take his phone at his program school he's in, soI can use that one. Tim has a suspended drivers lisence too, so he cannot drive all the way to our new place by himself, especially where we now live their are a lot more police . I am certain tim has gotten the message , he is such a A****.

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This sounds very stressful for both of you, mscat. :( Family situations like these can be very upsetting. It's great that your son is open with you about what is happening in his life. You have taken steps to ensure his safety and well-being and this is very positive. I hope the stress eases and that you and your son can move forward from this.

Take care.

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  • 1 month later...

It is so hard to take sides, especially when it comes to family, but if you've talked to your brother and he won't change, then I think you have to side with your son and stop contact with your brother. It will probably be the only way to get a message to your brother that you are serious. If he promises to change, don't take your son around until you've been around him yourself and seen a change. Good luck!

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