Jump to content
Mental Support Community

I care about his feelings


bellini
 Share

Recommended Posts

I think that you're willing to put out the effort to understand your husband and improve his life and your's together with each other is an amazing testament to your love and compassion. I'm sure you will be successful.

I understand that your "rebound" man after your ex-husband had an issue with his penis...are you assuming that your current man does because he's also small, or is that something you're certain of? Not every guy with a small penis has SPS and not every guy with SPS has a small penis...

Reading through the forum here should give you a pretty good understanding how we feel, and what goes through our heads.

This article is a good read.

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=24026

Good luck, both of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
I'm pretty sure penis size has hereditary links from the mother, much like male pattern baldness.

You're pretty sure? We call that a SWAG in my business, which is an acronym for Scientific Wild Ass Guess. And like in my business, nobody cares to hear them here so keep them to your self.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mardi Gras,

You're entitled to disagree with a poster's opinion.

You're entitled to express your own opinion, within bounds that I'm glad you recognize do not include profanity.

However, you don't know what "no one wants to hear"; that would tend to limit people to the fairly narrow range of topics that we all want to hear.

As for 'nearlydead', he's an SPS sufferer just like yourself, only he appears to have drawn rather different conclusions about it. I don't agree with his opinion, but this forum has somewhat relaxed restrictions compared to the rest of the site, given the controversial nature of the problem and the strong feelings it provokes. The place where I draw the line is when people start taking it out on each other.

What's interesting is that the two opinions that seem to have angered you are effectively opposites, leaving me somewhat confused about your own opinion.

Would it be more useful for you to express what has you upset, today?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest SomethingOrOther

It's possible to report abusive posts with one of the icons in the corner of each post.

I for one find it inacceptable and abusive to tell people they'd better not have children. That's even before calling them stupid and selfish.

Malign, if two opinions are opposites, how does that mean one of them is mine? I do live better not choosing which gender should live. I'm thinking that if you for some reason want to have a heredity discussion, the premise needs to be changed, desperately.

Edited by SomethingOrOther
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, how about this:

There has been absolutely no research that suggest penis size has any genotype or is inheritable in any way. To say that it's genetics, how you masturbated when you were a child, a presense or absense of andrognic horomones in the mother's womb, or to blame any extreme of phallus size on Yellow 5 are all just as probable as they are improbable.

I see that because we don't choose the size of our penis, and we can do nothing to change it, it's easy to put into a bin with the other things that we seem to have been born with like eye or hair color, which have been proven to be phenotypes.

However, expressing a poorly formed hypothesis as a fact is just plain ignorant and has no place in a discussion amongst a group of individuals trying to work towards a positive common goal.

Especially, skynight and nearlydead, when your hypothesis is counterproductive to the direction the group is headed.

My opinion about all of this is that you two should keep your negative, ignorant garbage to yourselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's possible to report abusive posts with one of the icons in the corner of each post.

I for one find it inacceptable and abusive to tell people they'd better not have children. That's even before calling them stupid and selfish.

Malign, if two opinions are opposites, how does that mean one of them is mine? I do live better not choosing which gender should live. I'm thinking that if you for some reason want to have a heredity discussion, the premise needs to be changed, desperately.

:confused: did I miss something here?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Frequently, the issue of small penis, ignites powerful, angry resentful resentful feelings. I want to suggest that you read the article I posted yesterday having to do with the frustration of arguing about truth. The central theme is that everyone wants to be right. Partly, it has to do with a power and control struggle and partly, it has to do with wanting to feel understood. When you connect this theme with the issue of small penis, everyone is bound to have a very hard time.

It seems to me that everyone has a right to their opinion. However, it is important that opinions and feelings be expressed in ways that will avoid hurt. That is hard to do given the emotional nature of this topic, so very close to a persons sense of dignity and their feelings of being an effective versus ineffective human being.

For example and only for example and not to blame anyone, it might be better to express the opinion about "breeding" as more personal, such as: "I don't want to pass on my genes because I believe it would give my male children as hard a time as me." All of you, its always more effective to express ideas in "I" and "me" terms, especially when its an issue that is as emotionally charged as this one. In fact, this is what I do when in a discussion like this and among people I know.

You see, I find it more helpful for ME to feel understood than to win. And, if I am not heard, then, "oh well."

Opinions?

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mardi Gras,

In response to "did I miss something here?", I think you probably did. SomethingOrOther was simply referring you to the 'Report Post' feature, which she had no way of knowing that you had already used.

And SoO,

I probably phrased it poorly, but what I meant was, after objecting to two opposite opinions, and not offering one of his own, Mardi Gras left me uncertain as to what his own position was, so I subsequently asked him about it. I was aware that it was likely to be a third orthogonal one. I tend to assume that any debate between N people probably has more than N+1 degrees of freedom. ;-)

Nor would I advocate any sort of sexual selection, before or after birth. I don't think "choosing which gender should live" was any part of ND's concept, but rather that certain men should not pass on their genes. I don't necessarily agree with that, either, but my own opinion wasn't part of this discussion anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I never meant it as fact. Most things tend to be hereditary so perhaps penis size has hereditary links also?

...

Anyway, It wasn't my opinion that men with small penises shouldn't breed. And once again, don't tell me what to post.

It is possible, since many things are hereditary, that penis size is as well. I had meant to point out that there's no way for us to know, since no study has been done. That may prove a difficult one indeed, from many aspects.

What I felt the most upset about was that both of those posts were condescending to the issue at hand and negative in nature. I've noticed there are a lot of men on here with very serious SPS issues, myself included. There are a few women on here that tell us "it doesn't matter to me" over and over again, which for me offers very little solace, I don't know about the rest of you.

But what we had here was a woman that yearns to make a man she has deep feelings for feel good about himself. That, to me, is very special.

I can't help but wonder; if there were more women like her that wanted more than anything to make their lover feel as good about himself as she did, then none of us would be in the situations we are in now. To seek out a forum on the internet and ask the questions she did takes thoughtfulness and compassion.

And we hijacked her thread :) Since she never checked back on us, I might assume that her dilemma came to an abrupt end, I can only hope in a positive way.

At any rate, I value her intention highly and it gives me a positive feeling for all of us finding a person to help us feel as wonderful as we would want them to feel. I think that could be a huge contributing factor to me, and possibly others, overcoming this disease.

skynight, I apologize for snapping at you. Allan's right, this subject does ignite very powerful feelings in me. One thing that helps me a lot with communication is a time-out period when I get pissed, I'll be better about it with everybody here in the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mardi Gras,

...after objecting to two opposite opinions, and not offering one of his own, Mardi Gras left me uncertain as to what his own position was, so I subsequently asked him about it.

...

Nor would I advocate any sort of sexual selection, before or after birth. I don't think "choosing which gender should live" was any part of ND's concept, but rather that certain men should not pass on their genes. I don't necessarily agree with that, either, but my own opinion wasn't part of this discussion anyway.

As I understood it, I was objecting to the same opinion, that penis size is hereditary. nearlydead and skynight both, to me, appeared to be suggesting the same thing. I acknowledge that some element of it is likely hereditary, but we've no idea from who and I suspect that it may have something more to do with...anything else. Similar to height, weight, intelligence, or physical prowess.

I, also, do not advocate sexual selection before or after birth. The movie Gattaca comes to mind, as does infanticide in lesser developed Asian countries. (On a tangent, the philosophical discussion between my wife and I about what we would do if we discovered an unborn child would have a serious genetic defect like Down's Syndrome goes on, with each side unsure of themselves.)

Additionally, I'll regurgitate an idea I've read before:

Suppose for a moment that penis size is largely dependent on genetics. And lets also assume that penis size matters greatly to a woman, enough that she would much prefer a man with a larger penis size over a man with a small one. Why, then, has a small penis not been selected against? Or a large one selected for? What I mean is......if it were bad, wouldn't it already have been "bred out"? If our first two assumptions are true, then the logical answer is that <glup> penis size doesn't matter?

@Allan: I read your article and it's another great tool I'll keep in my toolbox for when I find myself in an argument. I've been in an argument with people before (recently) where we even both see and agree with the other's point of view, yet we are still arguing. A lot of aggression, especially at work.

And Allan, by the way, Thank you for everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, thank you, Mardi Gras,

For redirecting this thread back to its original intent. And thanks to 'bellini', as well, for having the courage to tell us about her experiences on the subject. Whether you guys agree with her or not, you have to admit it took guts for her to say what her husband means to her.

In fact, I wonder a little about whether some of the other topics came into the thread as ways to divert attention from what may seem strange to some of you, that there are women out there who would treasure a man, regardless of size.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, thank you, Mardi Gras,

For redirecting this thread back to its original intent. And thanks to 'bellini', as well, for having the courage to tell us about her experiences on the subject. Whether you guys agree with her or not, you have to admit it took guts for her to say what her husband means to her.

In fact, I wonder a little about whether some of the other topics came into the thread as ways to divert attention from what may seem strange to some of you, that there are women out there who would treasure a man, regardless of size.

Yeah she wasn't married to the guy, she actually just met him, had only slept with him once or twice... lol She had some other more elaborate posts in the "new members" forum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep, sorry. I got confused between her current boyfriend and her ex, who was also small. I try to read everything here, but I can't say I can always keep it straight in my head. Again, my apologies to 'bellini' for getting things backwards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Additionally, I'll regurgitate an idea I've read before:

Suppose for a moment that penis size is largely dependent on genetics. And lets also assume that penis size matters greatly to a woman, enough that she would much prefer a man with a larger penis size over a man with a small one. Why, then, has a small penis not been selected against? Or a large one selected for? What I mean is......if it were bad, wouldn't it already have been "bred out"? If our first two assumptions are true, then the logical answer is that <glup> penis size doesn't matter?

I saw a documentary a few years ago (produced by the BBC I believe), where it mentioned that during the act of intercourse, the shape of the penis causes it to act as an extraction pump. The purpose of which is remove competitor's semen from around the cervix. The larger the penis, the more effective it is in this role. It had also found a correlation between female promiscuity and penis size. The populations where historically women had multiple sex partners (either serially or group sex, victims of gang rape, etc) tended to have larger penises than populations where women were more exclusive to a single male. In the first group, a larger penis is an advantage because it gives a male a better chance of removing competitors' semen before an egg can be fertilized and depositing his semen where shorter ones can't reach it. In the latter group, it isn't an advantage. A similar pattern exists with other primates. Female gorillas are in harems dominated by a single male, which have the smallest penis and testicles of primates. Chimpanzees are much more promiscuous and have penises that are twice the length of the average gorilla (and have testicles larger than humans).
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting post Flander. If indeed that is the case regarding a larger penis, than those with one have a greater chance of breeding or procreating which on a primal level, will make them more desirable to females. As there are many factors that relate to genetic superiority, it is hard to pinpoint one trait over others.

It has been proven that variation creates the best genes. That is why mixed race people tend to have the best genetics. Breeding outside of one's ethnic group is probably the best way to assure genetically superior offspring.

It is coming to light that genetic traits are not necessarily represented by one gene responsible for them but that these traits are a result of different combinations of genes working together. As this is case, it is possible for someone who is well endowed to have needle dick offspring and vice versa.

I tend to agree with Nearlydead's sentiments but unfortunately it is not as simple as one gene being responsible for the trait. As for the negativity, I have nothing but negativity to express about this situation. There is nothing positive I am trying to work towards beyond making more money so I can pay for sex more often.

I mean no offense to people who want to be positive or try to make positive changes but I just don't see that as my reality. The purpose this board serves for me is to vent and sometimes express my negativity. It is also helpful to know that I am not the only one in this situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...