Clingy

[soaring eagle]

Well my boyfriend and I made up last week:). So anyway I've noticed something about him HE'S CLINGY. It's like when he gets off work he's with me every moment of the day.

This is weird because I've never had a guy that was this clingy before and it can be very smothering. Out on the net is very few explination about clingy men and why they are clingy.

Don't get me wrong he's very loving and always seems to be concerned for my well being and giving my needs but he's clingy:confused:.

I'm a kind of person who likes to be alone,recluse,not wanting to see civilization,nota people person.

Does anyone about why people are clingy?

[Verbally abused?]

I don't know if things are the same for you or not. I have noticed that my children become clingy when those suicidal thoughts start trying to creep in my mind. I think that they are always lingering around (the suicidal thoughts). My girls seem to "pick up on when I begin to ponder listening to those thoughts". I mean clingy, like they don't even want to go to school kind of clingy and they are 11 and 9. I also have a 15 year old what can I say about that, she is 15. I hardly never see her.

So, just in case you notice some similarities here. Maybe your boyfriend is picking up on something from you?

What do you think?

[soaring eagle]

I don't know if things are the same for you or not. I have noticed that my children become clingy when those suicidal thoughts start trying to creep in my mind. I think that they are always lingering around (the suicidal thoughts). My girls seem to "pick up on when I begin to ponder listening to those thoughts". I mean clingy, like they don't even want to go to school kind of clingy and they are 11 and 9. I also have a 15 year old what can I say about that, she is 15. I hardly never see her.

So, just in case you notice some similarities here. Maybe your boyfriend is picking up on something from you?

What do you think?

No he's not suicidal just clingy from the moment I met him. It's like I'm his source of entertainment gives him something to do. He's from another country and has no family and just one son.

I think him being clingy is his natural part.

[Verbally abused?]

Something inside you must enjoy his clinginess if he has been this way from when you first met him. When you first met him, he wasn't your boyfriend right?

[soaring eagle]

Something inside you must enjoy his clinginess if he has been this way from when you first met him. When you first met him, he wasn't your boyfriend right?

That is true he isn't violent(Most of my previous relationship were). And yes I do enjoy him but when he gets off work it seems like he wants to spend every minute of the day with me and it can be a bit smothering.

But I'm noticing that he is more demanding acting like he owns my place with out contributing like rent,hydro,cable,phone,gas. He's expecting more and more from me (His place is a total pigsty,no running water,washer,dryer,tv) and acting like top rooster, man of the house.

I've been a single mother for alot of years not bothering to be in a relationship until I met him he is a sweet guy and must be something for me to be with him. I get bored of men after 7 months.

[misrbl1]

My wife has the constant need to be up my ass from the moment I get home until i go to bed. It's very frustrating because I'm on the verge of leaving her. There's nothing left for me in this relationship, and the way she's suffocating me, asking for affection I have no desire to give her, I can't stand it.

[soaring eagle]

My wife has the constant need to be up my ass from the moment I get home until i go to bed. It's very frustrating because I'm on the verge of leaving her. There's nothing left for me in this relationship, and the way she's suffocating me, asking for affection I have no desire to give her, I can't stand it.

Yes it can be smother:( to be in a clingy relationship and don't have a chance to breath.

I'm starting to piece togethor with my boyfriend. He has very low selfesteem and when he is in a relationship he feels on top of the world and then he is busy and has a real to do something. I feel anyone can do that for themselves and not being in a relationship but unforunatley some learn some don't.

But do try and talk to you wife about how you feel or suggest she can go back to school or something. Good luck;)

[Born to Perish]

Some people are clingy, because the person they are with is all they feel they have. They don't want to lose that person. Now if you don't mind me asking: What stereotypically "clingy" qualities is he expressing?

[soaring eagle]

Some people are clingy, because the person they are with is all they feel they have. They don't want to lose that person. Now if you don't mind me asking: What stereotypically "clingy" qualities is he expressing?

His clinginess is he doesn't like to be alone. But at the moment he is not allowed over at my place. So he might be clingy to some of his friends.

[Born to Perish]

Well, I myself do not like to be alone, or rather, I am not used to it. I think he needs to be shown that he is "Truly" loved by other people, so that he won't think he has to hold on to anything he can get. If he is truly a "clingy" person, he would probably be devastated if you were to leave him. Clingy means needy. Truly clingy people are in a time of need. They are probably not used to having friends, or being accepted, so they grab on to whoever says yes and stick tight until their pain is eased. This is quite perplexing. Maybe you could introduce him to other people while you are together. Yeah that is perfect. Instead of dumping him and adding another criminal to the world (him) by doing so, just try to make him find people he "truly" clicks with and can relate to. Now, I'd like to ask how serious your relationship is if you don't mind me asking. I need to be informed on this matter to be able to tell you more about this.

[soaring eagle]

Well, I myself do not like to be alone, or rather, I am not used to it. I think he needs to be shown that he is "Truly" loved by other people, so that he won't think he has to hold on to anything he can get. If he is truly a "clingy" person, he would probably be devastated if you were to leave him. Clingy means needy. Truly clingy people are in a time of need. They are probably not used to having friends, or being accepted, so they grab on to whoever says yes and stick tight until their pain is eased. This is quite perplexing. Maybe you could introduce him to other people while you are together. Yeah that is perfect. Instead of dumping him and adding another criminal to the world (him) by doing so, just try to make him find people he "truly" clicks with and can relate to. Now, I'd like to ask how serious your relationship is if you don't mind me asking. I need to be informed on this matter to be able to tell you more about this.

Hey there:) anyway I can't really explain his clingyness it's like he wants me to do everything with him from the time he wakes up to time he goes to bed. And sometimes it can be smothering. I'm assuming it's his low self esteem,insecurities and lack of confidence.

As for friends I can't do everything for him, he has to do that part himself or else he wouldn't learn.

I didn't dump this guy yet but I think we're on a verge breaking up anyway:(.

Our relationship was pretty serious I really cared for him and loved him and don't see him as a criminal (Everyone makes mistakes).

[Born to Perish]

No I am not saying he is a criminal. YET. I am saying that when you dump him, it will hurt him really badly, making his situation worse. He is very likely to do something wrong if you hurt him in his time of need. I just want to prevent that from happening. All he needs is TRUE LOVE, nothing else. It may not be you who gives him this, but he needs to know he has someone who cares about him. He clearly (from what you told me) is a clingy person and he needs to be loved in order for his wounds to heal. His emmotional pain, like I said, probably comes from loneliness. If you dump him without helping him, he will be lonely again and he will either do something wrong or do the same clingy thing he did with you until he can't take being hurt anymore. He is only human. Too much pain can cause him to physically break down. He'll have no hope if you just abandon him without a trace. Please, I beg you, just try to find someone who can be his friend. Some one else who is lonely, then he can heal a little and probably learn for himself, but it is painfully clear that right NOW he needs someone to show they care. Without that, he will most likely break down. This could lead to suicide, homicide or genocide. No one wants that. YES it IS that crucial. IT IS THAT BIG OF A DEAL. I am sorry. I do not wish to upset you, but if he doesn't get what he feels he needs now, all hope for him will probably be lost.

[soaring eagle]

No I am not saying he is a criminal. YET. I am saying that when you dump him, it will hurt him really badly, making his situation worse. He is very likely to do something wrong if you hurt him in his time of need. I just want to prevent that from happening. All he needs is TRUE LOVE, nothing else. It may not be you who gives him this, but he needs to know he has someone who cares about him. He clearly (from what you told me) is a clingy person and he needs to be loved in order for his wounds to heal. His emmotional pain, like I said, probably comes from loneliness. If you dump him without helping him, he will be lonely again and he will either do something wrong or do the same clingy thing he did with you until he can't take being hurt anymore. He is only human. Too much pain can cause him to physically break down. He'll have no hope if you just abandon him without a trace. Please, I beg you, just try to find someone who can be his friend. Some one else who is lonely, then he can heal a little and probably learn for himself, but it is painfully clear that right NOW he needs someone to show they care. Without that, he will most likely break down. This could lead to suicide, homicide or genocide. No one wants that. YES it IS that crucial. IT IS THAT BIG OF A DEAL. I am sorry. I do not wish to upset you, but if he doesn't get what he feels he needs now, all hope for him will probably be lost.

Sorry to say but we've broken up and I do wish the very best for him and I hope one day he will find happiness.

I don't hate him nor do I feel like I get back at you and make his life miserable kind of deal.

What the problem with him is when the going gets tough runaway and the problem solves its self that is his way of coping. But I am giving him some insight about his depression and start working on it because he has to help himself on that department nobody else would.

I do care for him he wasn't a bad person and he had to be something for me to be almost 3yrs. (very picky person).

My thoughs are I hope he is happy and doing well for himself.

[Born to Perish]

Hopefully everything turns out well. You're a good person. I guess it must have been really bad huh? Just some advice, oh and I'm not angry just a little sad: It doesn't take long to realize that a person is not "the one" as they say. It's a feeling you get so I'm sure you'll find that person. Just really consider who it is before commitment and neither you or they will be hurt "by the end of the relationship" because if it's the right person, the relationship shouldn't end unless one of you perishes. Please tell other people to be more considerate of other people's feelings. I hope I've helped. I hope everything goes well for you in the future. I just hope the guy you were with finds his way "peacefully". May god watch over him.

[soaring eagle]

Hopefully everything turns out well. You're a good person. I guess it must have been really bad huh? Just some advice, oh and I'm not angry just a little sad: It doesn't take long to realize that a person is not "the one" as they say. It's a feeling you get so I'm sure you'll find that person. Just really consider who it is before commitment and neither you or they will be hurt "by the end of the relationship" because if it's the right person, the relationship shouldn't end unless one of you perishes. Please tell other people to be more considerate of other people's feelings. I hope I've helped. I hope everything goes well for you in the future. I just hope the guy you were with finds his way "peacefully". May god watch over him.

Thanks;) for the input. At first I was real angry then sad and then a mixture of both. At this point it was a good relationship he did have good qualities. But one day I'll see him as a friend. For me I'm starting to accept the fact him and I are through.

I do wish him the best and one day he'll find his own happiness.

[Born to Perish]

Cool and thank you for your time. All he needs is some guidance. If there is anything else I can do just let me know.

[soaring eagle]

Cool and thank you for your time. All he needs is some guidance. If there is anything else I can do just let me know.

The guidance part is true because of me his drinking pretty well became nonexientence and became more focused his abilities. (Self esteem was very low).

I will always remember him in a loving way because he was not a bad guy quite personally he needs some growing up to do but that is his department and learn better life skills.

Just a question from a guy point of view he texted me out of the blue wishing me Happy Canada Day. Just when I sat there thinking about him and accepting the lost relationship? I started not contacting him out of the blue nor texting him either. :confused:

But I'm not going to get all confused and try to get my hopes up but just wondering why did he text me out the blue?

[Born to Perish]

I think he was just being nice. I'm sorry, but I have to say this: I don't like to consider myself as having a guy or girl's point of view. I am a person. So are you, so is he. My goal is is make people forget these differences. We are not so different. We each have some of the "opposite" side's mannerisms and opinions, so I'd like to look past that. I know it's kind of pointless to you now, but I know some day the world will change and we as a world can all work together to make it change. The guy seems like a nice guy. If you want to, keep letting me know what's going on with him so I can give you as much insight as possible on what might be going on.

[soaring eagle]

I think he was just being nice. I'm sorry, but I have to say this: I don't like to consider myself as having a guy or girl's point of view. I am a person. So are you, so is he. My goal is is make people forget these differences. We are not so different. We each have some of the "opposite" side's mannerisms and opinions, so I'd like to look past that. I know it's kind of pointless to you now, but I know some day the world will change and we as a world can all work together to make it change. The guy seems like a nice guy. If you want to, keep letting me know what's going on with him so I can give you as much insight as possible on what might be going on.

Yeep you're right he is a nice guy;). Anyway yesterday was my sister birthday and I went over there for a dinner and cake, when my niece was putting candles on the cake my sister informs me that the ex was coming so I looked at her and said "seriously?" Is this a joke and she said no it wasn't and I said "You gotta be kidding me" just then I heard the door knock and he was there. I wasn't having an anxiety attack or feel like I should run away but just felt weird. So we sat down and then he tells me that my son phoned him earlier and asked me if I knew about it and I said yes. My son is out of the province working but is not getting use to being yelled at his new boss and doesn't know how to handle it so I suggested to him to phone the ex on account his job is demanding and his bosses yell at him to.

The whole scene was different but I could tell he was happy to see me and still felt comfortable with my family. And then he drove me home because I promised a friend I would come over and visit.

So in a sense yesterday was a good day for him on account my son phoned him and came over to my sister b-day. This guy had a hard time forgiving himself on account what has happened. And this shows him we are a forgiving family so I hope for him he can get over what has happened.

I do still care for this guy and I see that we've weather some pretty bad storms togethor but our feelings for each other was genuine. I'm just patiently waiting for him. but at the same time do my own thing.

[Born to Perish]

Seems like everything turned out well. I might suggest taking him out to some kind of place like a club or something, where he could meet new people. You could bring your girlfriends along so he knows it's not a date. Don't tell him it isn't unless he asks, just say you wanted to go out and have some fun with even more people. That'd be cool. Don't insinuate that it is for him and don't "expect" that it'll happen in one night. You're just giving him a "chance" to expand his horizons and meet more nice people. I really think this could go somewhere, but make sure that if someone is mean to him you stand up for him, otherwise he could feel like you don't care. You are just his friend now, but it's a good idea to show you are a friend. I naturally stand up for people and help, but I am not bragging. I do enjoy helping though, it is my nature. I know one day, everyone will want to be helpful. I just know it.

The Heart is a House of Love:cool: (sometimes I write cool stuff like that)

[soaring eagle]

Seems like everything turned out well. I might suggest taking him out to some kind of place like a club or something, where he could meet new people. You could bring your girlfriends along so he knows it's not a date. Don't tell him it isn't unless he asks, just say you wanted to go out and have some fun with even more people. That'd be cool. Don't insinuate that it is for him and don't "expect" that it'll happen in one night. You're just giving him a "chance" to expand his horizons and meet more nice people. I really think this could go somewhere, but make sure that if someone is mean to him you stand up for him, otherwise he could feel like you don't care. You are just his friend now, but it's a good idea to show you are a friend. I naturally stand up for people and help, but I am not bragging. I do enjoy helping though, it is my nature. I know one day, everyone will want to be helpful. I just know it.

The Heart is a House of Love:cool: (sometimes I write cool stuff like that)

Nice idea about taking him somewhere. but there is a problem I don't go out I'm a very private person nor do i do alot visiting. He actually took me to other people to visit.

I'm a very secluded person who likes privacy. My belief is the more people I know there will be eventually trouble behind them. At the moment he has gone back to work 12 hrs a day so he'll be busy. thanks again for the input from a mans point a view sometimes woman have different vision from the male . But never know maybe we'll run into each other and enjoy each other company.

[Born to Perish]

Cool it'd be nice to meet one day wouldn't it? I hope you consider giving more people a chance. I really know it can be hard. Trust me I went through the same thing. You don't want more negative energy into your life. What I do is take thoe people in as my family and turn the negative energy into positive energy. You can do this wih a little thing I like to call, love and acceptance. I think it is so nice to be in this world with all of these nice people. You know the world we live in. Oh and don't listen when people tell you that life sucks. They are just unhappy and they need acceptance and freedom. Life doesn't suck. Pain and unhappiness suck. I seek to help people realize this. I know life can be hard, but you'll find cool people who aren't so hurt to hang out with, but that doesn't mean you should shun anyone, because that only leads to a bad world. I want to help other people and give them the power to help everyone else. My true happiness has been achieved at long last and I know everyone can be happy as well if they only heed my words.

The Heart is a House of Love- AM

[soaring eagle]

Thanks for all the wonderful input about this:). But I've come to a realization is that I still care for this guy and he still cares about me so right now I'm bidding my time before we get back togethor.

Sure he is on the clingy side but on the plus side he is not abusive physically nor mentally. My past relationship was always like that so in a sense this is something new for me. Some men do confine in me saying when they break up in a relationship it's very hard for them.

If him and I do get back togethor one day there will be conditions that must be abided A.A possibly counselling and especially HE HAS TO STAY AWAY FROM DRINKING. If not then he will fade away to the sunset and move on.

[Born to Perish]

I'm glad you are giving him antoher chance. I was right I can see. He is hurt. Well mostly everyone is in a way, but if he has a drinking problem and he's clingy, it definetly means he is in a lot of pain. Maybe you should try to find out more about his past and try to focus on making sure that he doesn't experience that pain again. Be VERY cautious though. When feelings are "incredibly" painful, it is hard for people to talk about it. Do not consider therapy unless HE brings it up. If he is going to talk to someone, it should be someone he cares about and trusts. Not someone who will just label him and jack him up on poisonous substances (meds). Medication will do nothing, but hurt him. ESPECIALLY if it's mixed with alcohol. He'll come around one day. He just needs his security and happiness back.

[soaring eagle]

I'm glad you are giving him antoher chance. I was right I can see. He is hurt. Well mostly everyone is in a way, but if he has a drinking problem and he's clingy, it definetly means he is in a lot of pain. Maybe you should try to find out more about his past and try to focus on making sure that he doesn't experience that pain again. Be VERY cautious though. When feelings are "incredibly" painful, it is hard for people to talk about it. Do not consider therapy unless HE brings it up. If he is going to talk to someone, it should be someone he cares about and trusts. Not someone who will just label him and jack him up on poisonous substances (meds). Medication will do nothing, but hurt him. ESPECIALLY if it's mixed with alcohol. He'll come around one day. He just needs his security and happiness back.

That is what I'm doing looking into his past and he does confine in me so the open line of communication is there. For the moment we are still talking and texting each other but I'm not going to push about How we will get back togethor again because I do like some of my freedom.

He will not go on med on account that he's done it before and weaned himself off of it. What this relationship I did have from this guy was alot of stability that he needed but unforunately taken it for granted.

But I can tell he still loves me and I still love him but we have to work at this togethor.