Hardly seems RIGHT..

[mscat]

I am having a difficult time trying to figure out what to do and what to make of this problem.

The family I was raised in is not my biological one. i have not felt a connection to them in years. The foster mother was abusive , and some of those feeling still linger. The problem is now. That family is really trying hard to get to my son. They had a 50th wedding anniversary and I did not want to go, so we did not. Then they sent a book that had all pictures in it , and sent it to my son. It was like they wanted to be hurtful or rub our faces in it. Any form of communication lately is that of my son. my son is impressionable. This behavior is very confusing to my son. I do not apreciate this. Makes me hate them more. Wish they would leave us alone and not try to go through my son.

Their is so much that my son does not know and I have tried to protect him from all the bad shit that has gone down. I really think the family knows how I feel and what I think. So now they shower my son with attention and gifts. Most of the photos wer eof family get togethers and trips that they have been on, my son and I are not there. It hurts my son to see that. Makes me very angry as to what they are trying to do. I am unable to live the high life , because i am a single parent . I try my best to distance myself from them , but now they have been trying to get my son on their side.. Despite the fact that I moved away yrs ago to live further from them. I am very pissed off to see my son upset. They make me angry. It is not right for them to do this to my son. And i do not know a way to stop them.

[IrmaJean]

Hi, mscat. I'm sorry this situation has been upsetting you. Is this family reasonable enough to listen to your feelings about this? I agree that trying to place kids in the middle is not helpful...especially if it is hurting both you and your son. If you feel this type of contact is harmful and confusing to your son, ask them to stop. One would hope they would want what is best for him...

Take care.

[mscat]

Thank you Irmajean,

It almost feels like they know they cannot get to me anymore, so they are going after my son. It sucks. I have tried to pull as far away from them as possible, but now for a while they are going through my own son. These are the same people that incouraged me to give up my son, even have a Abortion :mad: Very bad, stuff! Now they have the balls to try and manipulate him? They waited until he was older to start doing it. Started when he was about 16. He is special needs. But understands. I don't talk to them myself. I keep thinking the next time we move I will not tell them where we will go. You are right, i really think I must do something drastic. Moreso to protect my kid. He is very , confused about the whole situation.

[danni]

Hi mscat,

From what you described about how they treated you and how it affected you and knowing about your son's difficulties, I think you need to do what is best for your son AND what's best for you which seems to be telling them to back off. Using him as a pawn to hurt you is cruel to both of you.

I think if they want to maintain a relationship (and if you do) some specific boundaries need to be set up.

What kind of relationship would feel OK to you? How would you picture that and define it?

[SweetSue]

Hi Cathy,

Sorry you are having to deal with this - on top of everything else that is going on for you right now

You have every right to be angry - I damn well would be too. :mad:

I have no words of advice hun, coz well some families are beyond cruel, and there just isnt anything you can do to change the way that they act. Because they either dont realise or dont want to realise, that what they are doing is wrong !!!

Just offering you a shoulder if needed

Take care hun

[mscat]

Hi mscat,

From what you described about how they treated you and how it affected you and knowing about your son's difficulties, I think you need to do what is best for your son AND what's best for you which seems to be telling them to back off. Using him as a pawn to hurt you is cruel to both of you.

I think if they want to maintain a relationship (and if you do) some specific boundaries need to be set up.

What kind of relationship would feel OK to you? How would you picture that and define it?

I have not thought about these important questions. My foster father is really cool, He is the one I could talk to a little bit , nothing serious though. The thing is that I would have to have a relationship with ALL of them not just one person. My father has help me in the past. But, i cannot have a father daughter relationship without everybody else involved. This is the way it use to be. He was the one that was the less judgemental of all of them.

I am really upset and angry about them focusing all their energy onto my son. How dare they :mad: If they send mail it is addressed to my son. They will totally bipass me. I know what they are doing.

I have no idea what kind of realationship I want with them. For years I have tried running away from it. They are the super religious, upper middle class type. NOT ME. not my style , never was , never will be.

For them to pull my son away is darn right evil. This is why I am beyond more then pissed. I could kill them . Just want them to back off, leave us alone, and not contact us.

My son he is my life, world. My foster family can burn in hell as far as i am concerned. They are superficial , and appearances are very important to them. They like to think they are so perfect. They live in a bubble. i'd love to destroy them.

I have a lot of anger and resentment towards them. How does one get over childhood abuse? Not easy. The best that I can do is stay away from them, and they ought to stay away from us, but they don't.