Accepting Defeat

[Recluse]

Fedup has average length and above average to average girth. His situation is different from many of the folks who post here. I wish him the best of luck but being someone who genuinely is below average in girth, my situation is different. Those of us who are below average in one measurement or another have different circumstances.

[gone]

Fedup has average length and above average to average girth. His situation is different from many of the folks who post here. I wish him the best of luck but being someone who genuinely is below average in girth, my situation is different. Those of us who are below average in one measurement or another have different circumstances.

Or both length and girth.

John

Edited August 20, 2011 by retr0john
Spelling again

[lifeless existence]

Fedup has average length and above average to average girth. His situation is different from many of the folks who post here. I wish him the best of luck but being someone who genuinely is below average in girth, my situation is different. Those of us who are below average in one measurement or another have different circumstances.

Oh, so the only guy here in the SPS forum who's posted a positive experience doesn't actually have a small penis? Imagine that.

[IrmaJean]

It's all about personality, temperament, and qualities for me, but we've been over that many, many, many times before. I know my truth. You will believe what you will and none of us can change that.

If I had had a gun, maybe there wouldn't have been a way, just a body. I'm glad now that I wasn't stupid enough to get one.

I'm glad too.

[lifeless existence]

And as I've said many times, it's a shame that women like you account for only a tiny fraction of the female population. If there were enough of you to go around, there wouldn't be many threads in the SPS section. Most of us wouldn't be here.

[Calla]

As a woman I'm with IrmaJean and I'm sorry you guys have met some lame women!! Life experience has taught me many things and a man is a man regardless of anything else and if you fit together then you fit. I know my words dont mean anything but just thought I'd chip in.

[Karamazov]

To all the guys here, I'm new but I am a success story. I'm not microscopicly small but just under average fully erect and look much smaller than most anyone I've seen when flacid. I told my story in an earlier post so I won't rehash it now.

I do want to comment on these "women" you guys know or perceive. I have known lots of women from many walks of life and the ones who would be cruel like that were either uneducated redneck scanks or unbearably unhappy snobbish people.

I have hung out with many intellegent, good looking women and believe me, when a woman finds a good man, she is happy. If he treats her with respect she will do the same. And the majorty of the women I know consider many other traits other than a big penis for what makes a suitable partner. ALL of the healthy relationships that I've been close to have something in common--they don't talk about intimate details of their partner with others. I know that is hard to believe because that's not what you see on TV (in virtualy every relationship show) but thats how good marriges function. That kind of shit leads to divorce and contempt.

I know how hard it is to overcome, but you guys HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION of yourselves and maybe of women. The good ones are not that few and far between.

[gone]

(message snipped) ALL of the healthy relationships that I've been close to have something in common--they don't talk about intimate details of their partner with others. (snipped)

That kind of shit leads to divorce and contempt.(snipped)

.

Yep. But sometimes they insist it's just harmless chatter with friends over tea or coffee.

This is the exact reason I put conditions on both of us seeing a therapist.

John

[flander]

The good ones are not that few and far between.

Maybe that's the case for you, it certainly isn't for me.

[Karamazov]

Reading over some of my comments I realise I might come off as having a super positive, everything is peachy outlook. Listen, I know there is serious cruelty out there, I hope you can get past those bad experiences and expectations and find someone you can be happy with.

[nearlydead]

Kara,

have you ever been outed to your social circle as small?

How would it affect your life if your wife let it slip to someone you were small?

Im not having a go, but while I admire your positive outlook regarding your size, I wonder how long you would remain positive if you were to find out that your wife dropped the bomb accidently or otherwise, and that your social circle then knew you were small.

Its happend to me on at least three occassions. The shame we feel when we berate ourselves is nothing compared to the level of shame felt when its brought on by the knowledge of others.

[Karamazov]

ND,

If my wife or girlfriend or even someone I trusted betrayed me like that I would be devastated. You're right, I don't know how I would come back after that.

I have been outed before, twice, but under very different circumstances. The first time was in middle school when a kid told everyone at my lunch table that I had a "cock as big as the tip of a pinky finger." It was one of those excruciatingly embarrasing moments in life when everything seems to go in slow motion and you don't know what to say and it's just awful. It began a downward spiral for me where I stopped sitting at that table at lunch and fell out of that circle of friends and eventually became very withdrawn. Two years later I started using drugs and have been in and out of full blown addiction ever since.

The next time was in after college with some people I consider best friends. We were drunk and skinny dipping and I was so wasted I joined them. Everyone saw and my girlfriend was even trying to get me hard while underwater so it wouldn't be so obvious. But you know what, these people where my true friends and nobody ever said shit about it. Maybe it was because we had all been through some serious shit toghether and had each others backs but it just wasn't a big deal. And my girlfriend was better looking than my other two buddies girls. I do feel that friendships like that are rare, and since I moved away from them have never had a friendship even close to that level. And I was pissed and ashamed about my girlfriends obvious embarrasment of my size that night but I figured "screw it", she's with me and there's nothing else I can do about it.

The people I am around now wouldn't be so cool though I'm sure, but I could care less about them really. I will probably never have friends like I did when I was younger, and I really don't care to, or have time to.

So I just get back to the perception thing. I percieve myself a loser because I have a felony and find it very hard to make a living. Other people tell me success stories about ex-cons getting out of their hole and having success but it doesn't help me even though it should. I tell you that it can't bother you if you don't let it, and you tell me you can't help letting it bother you. So what are we to do?

I find it very easy to say "f u" to the people in my life that are shallow, but I have perhaps a different situation than you. I keep to myself and my family. I don't have a career job where I have to have many aquaitance type people in my life.

And by the way, my wife knows that if she ever told anyone about my size in a malicious manner that it would seriously damage our marriage. And I would never tell my friends anything intimate about her either. I don't believe healthy marriages do those types of things and I wouldn't stay in an unhealthy marraige.

[nearlydead]

I tell you that it can't bother you if you don't let it, and you tell me you can't help letting it bother you. So what are we to do?

Exactly! the only cure for any of us, is to ignore it, and live life as if we were normal. But its living a lie, and all lies get found out in the end, resulting in humiliation and then shame.

Similar to Nike's "just do it" we have to "just get over it"

I too have been in nick, both juevenile and adult for voilence. Forget a getting a good job. Its far easier to make minimum wage selling on Ebay.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Kara,

How did you ever get a felony against you?

Also, you are married. How does you wife feel about the small penis problem? I know you may have said this before but please bear with me.

Allan

[Karamazov]

Well, I am embarrased about my felony but I can explain happened.

I started using marijuana and LSD in high school, and in college I experimented with almost every drug except the heavy opiates. However my main drug of choice was alcohol. I continued to drink heavily and in my junior year quit school. I travelled around a lot--here and in Europe--and eventually ended up in state across the country from where I was raised. I started substitute teaching at a private Christian elementary school and eventually took over for a teacher on maturnity leave. Around this time my drinking was getting the better of me. I was really good at hiding it but things got so out of control that I was exposed several times (never at school) and sought help.

At around six months clean I met a the girl who was to become my wife. She was five years younger than me (20) and she had a very strong faith and was committed to remaining a virgin until marraige. We started a relationship very slowly. For the first time in my life I really respected a woman and never rushed or pressured her for sex. We were married a year later and moved back to my hometown.

To answer you question about my wife and my size: She never has said anything about it. She is always satisfied after sex. One day I confided in her about my insecurities about my size and she laughed it off. She said she couldn't imagine sex being any better with anyone else.

But Dr. I have dated other more experienced women. I detailed one relationship earlier. The main point that I made was that even when a girlfriend acknowleged that I was a bit small, it made no difference to her. I've always been a good and attentive lover. My girlfriends have always been very attractive and my size was only an issue when I made it one with my own insecurity and jealousy.

Back to the felony. I started a very intense job in real estate. Around this time I fell on some ice and herniated a disc in my lower back. The rest is history. I knew from the moment I got my first prescription for vicoden what it was and how it made me feel. Within two years I had manipulated a number of doctors and was abusing a number of opiates. I had also met a fomer friend who introduced me to meth which really enabled me to get like 40% more work done in a week at the office. All the while I was keeping the growing/nearly full blown addiction as much a secret as possible.

This is so long and I am sorry. I'll skip to the end. I ended up in a Methadone program and that lead to herion. Always in the closet, always in denial and I think my wife too (I never went out to party or anything, just self medicating. I still (amazingly) kept a job until the very end. Once that was gone, one morning we woke up to no water(unpaid bill) and my wife left for my parents to take a shower. I was so embarrased and angry and sad for my wife and on top of all that I was dope sick. That night I took a toy gun into a fast-food resturant and robbed them. When I was questioned by police I gave a full confession, glad to be lifted of the guilt, came clean to my family (whom for which it all finally made sense), and detoxed from herion and methadone for two months in jail.

I was sentenced to an in-state 90 day rehab, nine months house arrest and 11 months supervised probation, attended after care and about 600 AA/NA meetings in two years, all of which I've completed successfully and the case is closed.

I am having the hardest time with employment, even just part time while I go back to school for a MSW and LCSW. I attend AA/NA but have had a few short relapses since completing my sentence.

So sorry for the life story, I'm still to ashamed to just say I robbed a fast food joint without going into detail, usually more so than what I just did.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Karam,

Please don't apologize for your story. It is not too long and what you wrote is so very interesting while, at the same time, so hard for you. I am sorry you feel embarassed by this but I can tell you that your's is an all too familiar story. I have friends and family who have been through almost the identical story as yours. I can assure you that those of them who stuck with AA and NA have maintained their sobriety, though it's hard for them, especially at times.

I am so happy that you want to go for you MSW and LCSW. Your addiction and felony should not be a problem in that career. In fact, you might want to combine certification as an addiction counselor in addition to your MSW.

Is there any way you can get the felony closed? I know nothing about this but it seems to me that based on all you are doing that is so very positive that you deserve to have that closed. After all, what you did was a result of your addiction. It doesn't seem right or fair to me that you be stuck with this. Know what I mean?

Your wife sounds terrific and, think about it, all each of us needs is that one woman who loves and respects us. That is more important than worrying about penis size. She loves you, tells you she is sexually satisfied...who can ask for anything more?

Thank you for your honest posting. I wonder what you now think and what the others think?

Allan:)

[Karamazov]

Dear Dr. Schwartz,

Thank you for the advice and encouragment. I have been in contact with the therapist who helped me very much while I was in rehab regarding a carreer in this field and the education I will need. I have also looked into the addictions counselling certificate and am positive that I will pursue that as well. In fact, that is the main type of therapy I would like to practice. I have a long road, and am getting started late (I'm 33), but I am not going to let that drag me down like I have in the past. I have two years of general education credits from a state school in the midwest which have transfered to where I'm enrolled now so hopefully I can acheive my goal in 4 to 6 years (being that I'll have to do work enough hours to pay the bills). I am very excited. Recovery is a big part of my life, and I do still frequently attended both NA and AA. It will be a source of tremendous satisfaction to succede in this endevor given where I was 4 years ago, and I can't think of anything I'd rather do more than use my experience and (future) training to help others battling addiction and mental health issues.

Regarding the downgrading or expungment of the felony. I have turned up a bit of research suggesting that after 5 years there may be a way to petition the court and show good cause to get this off my record. When the time comes (very soon) I will contact my lawyer and go from there.

Again thanks for the support and thanks for the time you put into this site. My therapist in a state run rehab had a Psy D. yet chose to work for the state making far less money than he could and it made a big difference in my life. I hope to give back someday the way that you and he have.

Edited September 17, 2011 by Karamazov

[Guest ASchwartz]

Kara,

I am pleased that you are excited about your future.

First, believe me, you are still young. I have seen people.much older than you go through the process of getting their undergrad schooling and going on to their MSW and all.

I know you can do it and, to really show my support, I'd like to keep in touch with me.

Allan

[Karamazov]

Thanks, Dr. I will.

Within the last to weeks I have applied at a large rehab facility for a floor tech position. I wrote an explanitory cover letter detailing why I'd like to work for them while I work on my degree (I start in the spring, and to keep busy in the mean time I enrolled in a medical Unit Corridinator certificate program starting Oct. 3). They did tell me that they were very open to hiring former addicts if 2 or more years clean and that even my felony would not be an obstacle, however they did not have any open positions currently.

Thanks for your support and I'll gladly keep you informed of any progress I make!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Good and keep on looking.

Allan

[flander]

it came to me this morning that a lot of negativity and refusal to accept any of these "success stories" can probably be boiled down to one thing: if you've only known the pain of being ridiculed, nagged, or chewed out for having a poor performing little dick, the positive stories are relegated to being in the realm of myth and fairy tales. Saying that there are women who don't care that a guy has a small penis is about as believable as saying that you commute to work by unicorn.

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry for your pain, flander, and that you've been ridiculed.

Some of us really do not care in one way or the other. Some of us appreciate what is.

Take care, everyone.

[JaiJai]

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Edited October 7, 2011 by JaiJai

[Guest GingerSnap]

I think that a person on the attack and angry with someone is going to go for the most tender spot to be critical of to rip the other one down especially if that person knows an area of insecurity that the other person has. Everyone does realize that most men run the same size with few exceptions - just like with height, etc. And, the guys in the porn movies, they got that instead of a brain. My gosh, I was in the military and worked around the military for many years and this size thing was never a topic and, the topics did get rather, well, intimate to crude. There are very shallow people out there and we don't want them in our life anyway. Just like the guys that want to date the girls with the big busts, how often do they develop long term relationships based primarily on that trait? Not too often. I realize that this is a really serious issue for you but learn to be proud of yourself as a whole package and when you find "the one", you'll see what I am talking about.

[nearlydead]

It doesn't matter why people do what they do. They just do it anyway, I suppose those of us outed as small are supposed to take some comfort from the "these people" statements, as though us as victims, have the moral high ground. Useless argument, as we are just as humiliated whether we have the moral high ground or not.

Small men who are selfish enough to condemn "the one" to a life with a small man, are scum. Miserable people who know life is shit and still breed should be killed.