Don't Care About Love, Just Sex

[Jack's Smirking Revenge]

I feel like I'm a sex addict. The thing is, don't want love, just really passionate, intense sex. I'm currently n a relationship with a girl that will probably end soon because of long distances. Once that ends I feel like I'm going to just go on an intense fucking spree. To be honest, the sex itself isn't even always great for me. It's more the psychological feeling of making her feel great. I honestly care more about fulfilling their sexual fantasies and needs than my own.

I actually loathe people who need love or are looking for a relationship. The problem is I know I will feel guilty about having sex with women who are looking for love deep down rather than just sex. Despite the hardened fronts many women put up, I think most of them are really looking for "Mr. Right" somewhere inside. Perhaps I should start looking for "hotwives" or women involved in committed open relationships?

[JaiJai]

Not all just some

[Athena]

To each his (or her) own. Plenty of jaded divorcees out there just looking for some fun. Perhaps some informed younger women who have discovered that a long term relationship just means a whole pile of work for THEM. I suspect there are lots of takers at this point in our (d)evolution. May as well take advantage of it. Boy toy for sex. Sperm bank for a baby. Roommate to share the rent. Traditional male roles are all farmed out now - groundskeeper, snowshoveller, handiman, poolboy. Way, way cheaper than husbands. Men have been reduced to a fuck or hired help. May as well go with the flow.

[Ralph]

Ouch. It's rare that I'm glad to be gay but this is one of those times.

I wouldn't mind having just a roommate and somebody to balance the ratio out when visiting with my straight friends though. I could totally be the handyman if the woman could take over the more traditionally female role without it having to be an emotional love relationship. Wonder if there's any woman out there who would go for that.

[Athena]

Ouch. It's rare that I'm glad to be gay but this is one of those times.

I wouldn't mind having just a roommate and somebody to balance the ratio out when visiting with my straight friends though. I could totally be the handyman if the woman could take over the more traditionally female role without it having to be an emotional love relationship. Wonder if there's any woman out there who would go for that.

Sorry Ralph. I'm tempted to delete my post but am desperately wishing for somebody to prove me wrong. Admittedly all those horrible attributes are based on my recent (and ongoing) experiences with one guy, whom most guys refer to as "What a fucking loser, doesn't he have any self respect?" Anyway I wanted to make the point to Jack that there ought to be plenty of women out there who do NOT want a long term relationship with a guy.

I think being gay solves a lot of problems. I really wish I swung that way but I don't. I think the basic problem is that we ALL want a wife, men and women included. And nobody wants the job - male or female. It's thankless. I think perhaps that masses of love, attention and money might make it palatable but I don't see much of that going around these days. Failing that, equal reciprocation of 'home' work perhaps might work.

It's really about balance. If each household adult contributes the same amount to the rent/mortgage and other household expenses, contributes equal value work at home, albeit different activities, takes ownership of certain tasks and actually completes them etc etc, then that's a start. But it's never quite so simple. That's where respectful communication comes in.

I've thought about your idea. Live with a gay man so things don't get catty and you can have some fun without it going anywhere. You each get your love interests outside of that. I don't know if the stereotype "tall, thin and neat" is really true, but that certainly has its appeal. Last thing a woman wants to do is pick up after somebody else. You get to reduce your living costs but don't have the burden of dealing with a nasty divorce down the road. You get to keep everything separate, although if you're going to share house/mortgage cost, some kind of agreement must be drawn up for the what ifs: Job loss, relocation, family planning. Yah, definitely has its appeal.

[IrmaJean]

I have a lot of feelings about it, but they are personal feelings...

It's more the psychological feeling of making her feel great. I honestly care more about fulfilling their sexual fantasies and needs than my own.

Jack, aren't your needs important too? Is your need to meet their needs? Does that play out in any other aspects of your life? Are you afraid of being emotionally close with someone? Is it easier to make relationships all about sex?

I'm kind of the opposite, I imagine. It's all about the love for me.

Athena, I'm sorry for your pain.

[JaiJai]

Gggghhh

[Athena]

Hold on a second Athena...the whole point was that Jack wanted a fuck buddy! So say your gay roommate was actually bi-sexual, or, heaven forbid, completely straight, then you could have all the "equal roommate" perks, and still be shagging for fun. Of course either scenario makes it tougher to have legitimate fuck buddies stumble through the door whenever they / you want. So I say screw it. Dont worry about the roommate. you can always hire a cleaning service....hmmmm or a maid?

Whatever I say is coming from a raging animal trapped in a bear trap and currently in the process of chewing her foot off to get away. So perhaps my opinion is not useful at all. Anyway, FWIW and on a somewhat lighter note, as long as everybody plays by the same rules and doesn't take any life threatening risks, go find your compatible F-buddy. I prefer IJ's version of a male-female relationship, but if you're head's not in the right place for that, perhaps it's best to put it off. Know thyself, sort out what you want at the present moment as well as what you are capable of handling then act accordingly. If you don't want 'love' to get in the way, at least aim for mutual respect and consideration. And if you want to live with somebody, of any sexual persuasion, treat it like a business transaction and document as much as you can before the inevitable trouble arises.

[Ralph]

Sorry Ralph. I'm tempted to delete my post but am desperately wishing for somebody to prove me wrong. Admittedly all those horrible attributes are based on my recent (and ongoing) experiences with one guy

Well I've had other straight lady friends with similar experiences. None put it so succinctly as you did though.

I've thought about your idea. Live with a gay man so things don't get catty and you can have some fun without it going anywhere. You each get your love interests outside of that. I don't know if the stereotype "tall, thin and neat" is really true, but that certainly has its appeal.

I guess this is the opposite of what Jack had in mind though. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but gay dudes can be almost as sloppy as straight ones. Almost. We can be pretty catty at times too but only when you get enough of us together at the same time.

[JaiJai]

whhooop whooop! Its official! Athena has given us permission to be whoring perverts!

Would you like to do the honours, Ralph? Or shall I?

and here's a little diddy to set the mood

[JaiJai]

believe me you...

[Athena]

whhooop whooop! Its official! Athena has given us permission to be whoring perverts!

Would you like to do the honours, Ralph? Or shall I?

and here's a little diddy to set the mood

What - was I pontificating? Ooops - busted . Thank you for being kind enough to read what I wrote and intelligent (and blunt) enough to put me in my place:eek:. I am a generation removed from you, Jack and Ralph. Sex, in my experience has been nothing but a power play between men and women. My dilemma is how to get rid of the power play, or not be on the losing end of it. Guys of my generation insist that if a woman hops into bed too quickly (the definition of which they can't seem to supply) she is letting herself be used. So - our role appeared to fend off all comers (pardon the pun) for a sufficient length of time so as not to fall into that category. We were the first generation of pill-users, so our parents still gave us the sufficiently dire 'old school' warnings such as: to my brother "If you ever get a girl pregnant, I'll kill you". And to me: "Guys only want one thing, it doesn't mean they care about you" (unless they marry you - yah, right!). Nice messaging! So, until I sort myself out, I guess I'm just going to have to live vicariously through you guys:D.

Jack - you getting any helpful insights here? Or did we just hijack your thread?

[flander]

We were the first generation of pill-users,

I thought you were in your 40s, not pushing 70.

[Athena]

Here's a clip from Wikipedia:

"Legal status - United States

....In 1972, the case Eisenstadt v. Baird expanded the right to possess and use contraceptives to unmarried couples."

Of course, only the most feminist individuals would dare approach their (inevitably) male doctor for a prescription when it first came out. And to add further insult, they were obligated to tell your parents back then. My parents were born in the early 20's. So the next generation were born 1945 - 1965, give or take a few years - pretty much the boomer generation. So yah, I could be pushing 70 - god knows some days I feel like I am:eek:. But no, I'm at the younger end of the baby boom (and still in denial, cause that's still too old for me - I gotta reclaim the last 20 years of my life).