Please read this post.....

[Lana73]

Today turned out to be an extremely emotional and devastating day for me.

I have decided to post my thread here,hoping that it will be read by a lot members and non members of this site.

I believe that I mentioned couple times here that I work with women and men who are victims of domestic violence. I have seen pretty much everything...... unfortunately.

I am off work for few months right now. I stopped by my office this afternoon and found out that one of my former female clients, who was a victim of domestic violence, was stubbed to death lat week by her husband. She was physically and emotionally abused for years, and thought that this is how a normal and healthy relationship should be. We had done so much work together and last winter, she finally decided to leave her husband. For some kind of reasons (I am assuming due to her financial hardship), she decided to move back with her abuser and now she is dead....

Domestic Violence is a cycle that usually does not stop. So, please, if you are a victim of DV, get out of that abusive relationship RIGHT NOW. There are a lot of Federal programs (in the US) that offer financial assistance for victims of DV. It is not okay to be in an abusive relationship. You can contact me directly through this site and I will be able to give you a lot useful information. And I WILL help. There are free legal services, shelters, free mental health services, financial school assistance for those who want to go to school and so much more.

There is always a way out. Please, don't end up like my client. She was only 32.....:mad:

[IrmaJean]

Lana, that is so sad. I hear your pain and anger. This must be difficult for you. I'm sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Lana,

That is terrible. I hope you know that whether you were still working there or not, this would have happened. I know how staff can blame themselves but we cannot control the decisions people will make nor the behaviors they will engage in.

I am so very sorry about this.

You have me thinking of using your post as the center piece of an article I could write in order to get the word out there about domestic violence. I won't use your post if you prefer not. While the topic has been written about before, you can't get the word out too often.

What do you think?

Allan

[Lana73]

Allan- definitely. Thank you.

I hope that people will be able to understand how serious and dangerous Domestic Violence is. For both women and men.

But I also want to bring another important point. It is extremely difficult and sometimes even impossible for a DV victim to see how wrong and dangerous it is to be in an abusive relationship. Most victims feel that they are not able to survive without their abusers and financial factors are the main reasons why some victims decide not leave that abusive relationship. They feel trapped and worthless because they have been brainwashed by their abusers for years. And because most victims have no education or work experience, it makes it even harder for them to survive. And that is when family and friends need to step in and help, not by criticizing the victim (which makes it even worse for them), but by offering actual help.

Are we ALL THAT self centered and self absorbed?????

And yes, sometimes it takes only one person to make a difference......

[Solstice]

Lana, thank you for posting this. I used to volunteer at a domestic violence clinic, and everything you write is true: how hard it is for the victims of DV to see that they are in a dangerous relationship (and how very dangerous it can be), the financial ties that keep victims with their abusers, and the way that family and friends often do not step in...

It does sometimes just take one person to make a difference. I think I'll be calling the clinic and putting in some more volunteer time.

I'm very sorry about your former client. That must be very hard for you. Please take care.

[Lana73]

Thank you for your post, Solstice. People like you make difference!

Lana.

[Ralph]

So sorry to hear this. I grew up in a household where violence was the norm and my heart goes out to you and the rest of this woman's family.

My sister is in the process of getting a divorce right now because her husband doesn't think there's a problem with hitting the kids and leaving marks. I am trying to do my best to support her and told her my support is unconditional since she's my sister and I am concerned for my nieces and nephews. Maybe I went too far to say I was concerned about the kids. So I'm not that great at helping but it's at least encouraging that she is breaking the cycle.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Lana,

I hope that people will be able to understand how serious and dangerous Domestic Violence is. For both women and men.

But I also want to bring another important point. It is extremely difficult and sometimes even impossible for a DV victim to see how wrong and dangerous it is to be in an abusive relationship. Most victims feel that they are not able to survive without their abusers and financial factors are the main reasons why some victims decide not leave that abusive relationship. They feel trapped and worthless because they have been brainwashed by their abusers for years. And because most victims have no education or work experience, it makes it even harder for them to survive. And that is when family and friends need to step in and help, not by criticizing the victim (which makes it even worse for them), but by offering actual help.

Are we ALL THAT self centered and self absorbed?????

And yes, sometimes it takes only one person to make a difference......

__________________

That is very beautifully said and very poignant. I will write a blog and include this. Thank you for this.

Allan

[Lana73]

Thank you.