SweetSue Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 .............. Edited out........................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Sue, please talk with your therapist about this. Can you print this out and give it to her? I am concerned for you. You are taking unsafe risks and putting yourself in harm's way. Your body deserves respect and care. Please be safe and take care of yourself. Call your therapist. We're here for you, Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYe11Eu0dzE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenna520 Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 Hi Sue, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. IJ said pretty much what I was going to say. Have you spoken with your therapist? I wish I knew the right thing to say to make this all better, but since I don't, I'm here to listen. Many prayers hoping you find peace Sue. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted October 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 .............. Edited out................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 Yes, you can, Sue. You're our friend and we're worried about you. It always matters. Please call her. You can do it. Reach out for help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted October 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 ..... EDITED OUT.....................Oh and before anyone else asks - NO I dont want any of ya to yell at me.Sorry to have troubled anyone on this site.Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hi sweetsue,I am also worried about you. Why all the edits? You are obviously feeling that there are things you want to say but cannot, for some reason.What is going on and how can we help and be supportive?Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted November 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 sorry for all the edits.life is just being harsh, and I was/am making it harsher.too much BS from the past and recent past, taking its toll.the way i see it if your down and aint gotten nothing more to lose, when nothing matters anymore either in life or in heart its game over.life gives false hope, lies and screws you over. try and create a little hope along the way just to then watch some so called person or thing smash that hope into smitherines.but hey, im better. life goes on, just that right now its a battle of which life its gonna be - one where Im a complete cow and show no regard or respect, or one where I just sit back and allow the BS to continue suffocating me. Either option aint really great, and have consequences, but those are my only choices available to me now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted November 4, 2011 Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 Strengh sue, when your at the bottom theres only one way left up. i havent read ur story but ill search the forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted November 4, 2011 Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 sweetsue'the game is never over, never ever. all of us have to keep fighting and not let the past or lousy events of the present win.you have our love and support.can you say what is giving you so much grief?allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted November 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 The game was over long ago, just that this stupid body of mine wont quit, despite all my ingenious attempts to get rid.The only thing that is giving me grief is Life - just as it has always been from day one.Shit childhood which turned into a nightmare adulthood. Lost everything and everyone that ever meant anything to me. And now - huh, now for the grand finale - it insists on haunting me every damn minute of every damn day.So - being such the brilliant responsible person that I so obviously am ((NOT)) - I do what anyone in this situation might do (if they are as dumb as me). Regulary OD on meds, drink and then when that didnt work out too good, I added in drugs to help me on my merry little way.It kinda worked for a while - well it numbed my frigging brain enough to function on some sort of level. In my eyes that was pretty damn amazing. A few moments of nothingness, and well worth it....Even went back into hospital recently for a few days 'rest' as they put it. It didnt help - it made things worse. And had the added bonus of me becoming even more devious and sneaky. Coz like hell no way am I gonna be on a lock up ward if I can lie my way out of it.Pathetic Like I said GameOver. Theres no helping a person thaty isnt willing/capable of trying hard enough to help themselves - and Ive turned into one of those people. Oh the shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted November 7, 2011 Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 Sue, I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Theres no helping a person thaty isnt willing/capable of trying hard enough to help themselves - and Ive turned into one of those people. Oh the shame Your giving spirit remains as strong as ever, despite all that you've been through in your life. You have reached out to me repeatedly even when you are feeling such sadness and pain. Is it possible to take some of that caring energy and offer it to yourself? I hear that you are feeling discouraged with your life right now...but please do not give up. What would it take for you to reach out to you and try to heal? We are here to support you, Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted November 8, 2011 Report Share Posted November 8, 2011 everytime I read the forum i realize im not the only one doing this or that of feeling like i do, most of the storys have something familiar with my own life. Since drinking, druggs, or anything that could kill my brain. Feeling alone or sad, Empty useless. Thinking ways to end my life everymoment i start feeling a little sad. At the end im putting everything on a scale the bad the good things everything.Mostly 1 side is heavyer the side i hate the most, and ive almost lived all my life in these side of the scale feeling like a walking corpse with out any mean to live, or enjoy anything about life. But 1 day i got tired of feeling like these, i felt pity of my self what had i became is these life? what lifes meaning? what do i live for? and so many questions at the end i realize that making question to my self dont help at nothing. I decide to put my self to action i whant to be at the other side of the scale and compare boths side and then only then i will find my answers, im still far way from beeing where i whant to be. But im trying i get up every day and its a 50/50 chances of beeing near my goals or getting sucked to the part i dont like.When i first tryed thease for cuosity i whanted to see how others live, the normal ppl i called them. At first i didnt enjoy anything but at time passes theres a couple of thing i enjoy like reading a book I dont know if these is enogh purpouse to not kill my self but i whant to read everything i can. And problaby another day ill will find other things i enjoy and so as i search things to keep me here i start to learn the value of my life, and im sure theres something out there thats worth living for, callit family, a book, or anything that makes u feel happy.I am sorry if these has no sense at all, it is realy hard for my to put in words that are in my head in my langueage and try to translate them and give it some sense in english. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted November 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2011 im crumbling again. this hurts. tell myself to grow up.cant.scared. its too much this time.oh just F**K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted November 8, 2011 Report Share Posted November 8, 2011 I'm so sorry for your pain, Sue. ((((((((((Sue)))))))))))I hope you will call for help if you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana73 Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 Eppursimuove,But 1 day i got tired of feeling like these, i felt pity of my self what had i became is these life? what lifes meaning? what do i live for? and so many questions at the end i realize that making question to my self dont help at nothing. I decide to put my self to action i whant to be at the other side of the scale and compare boths side and then only then i will find my answers, im still far way from beeing where i whant to be. But im trying i get up every day and its a 50/50 chances of beeing near my goals or getting sucked to the part i dont like.That was a very powerful statement and you actually made me think about how I can turn my situation around and change the way I have been living my own life lately..... Thank you for that. I read it several times and tried to apply to my life.I think that sometimes I even like to feel that I am a victim of a very bad luck because of everything that happened to me at such a young age. I did not ask to become a widow at 35! It is just easier to feel sorry for yourself than to take actions and try to change things around. I haven't even tried to do that.I have to admit- I am still trying to figure out the meaning of my life, of life in general.SweetSue, I am really sorry that you are hurting. Every day is a struggle for most of us. Remember that you are not alone:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted November 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 Today is another day - right? - Ha, SSDD Been tryna do things I should be doing, and not the stuff I shouldnt be. But Ive gotten it all backward as usual. Its barely 10am here, and Im already messing up and slipping. So much for trying to get through this somehow. Reckon my determination bolted outta the door right behind my willpower. :mad:Im losing the plot big time - its even obvious to me.It needs to stop, heck I need to STOP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. What helps to quiet the voices? Can you find your way to that? Have you been taking your meds? Talked with your therapist recently? I'm sorry for your pain, Sue. I can sit with you. Would it help to keep expressing yourself? I'm listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted November 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 The only way I can quieten the voices is by OD'ing on my meds, drinking etc. Its getting ridiculous. Spiralling isnt helping. Cant stabalise myself. Tryna - but failing. Dont think it actually stops the voices, but it makes me not care about them as much, then I pass out. And things are fine again till I come too.Cancelled my therapist appointments this week, and p'docs follow up appointment - cant risk being put back inside - lock up makes me worse.Cant seem to find anything possitive to grip onto - it all seems to be just the bad shit that floats around me and inside my head.Guess Ive hit Selfpity Central. yeah,sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 The only way I can quieten the voices is by OD'ing on my meds, drinking etc.This sounds very dangerous, Sue. Dont think it actually stops the voices' date=' but it makes me not care about them as much, then I pass out. And things are fine again till I come too.[/quote']Again...sounds very dangerous. Cancelled my therapist appointments this week' date=' and p'docs follow up appointment - cant risk being put back inside - lock up makes me worse.[/quote']You are a friend, Sue. I always want to be supportive, but I believe that you are in danger right now. As a friend, I want to point this out. Are you certain hospitalization makes you worse? I understand that you don't like it there, but this is a safer environment for you right now, don't you think?Cant seem to find anything possitive to grip onto - it all seems to be just the bad shit that floats around me and inside my head.Guess Ive hit Selfpity Central. yeah' date='sorry [/quote']Sue, you need help with this. Please call someone and take care of yourself. I'm worried about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana73 Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 Sue,I am worried about you as well. Please be careful with your meds.------------edited out--------------- I would be devastated if something happens to you. I am serious, hun:(: I just wanted to be supportive by telling you about my personal experience. Hugs and I REALLY care about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted November 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 hospital wouldnt do me any favours - seriously. lock up wards, locks on yer bedroom doors, being continually watched, having to gain permision to do the simplist of things, sheeze not to forget they root through all your stuff every few hours - just to make damn sure that you aint got anything you shouldnt have - or been up to anything you shouldnt have (chance would be a fine thing), etc...... Reminds me of ife as a small child back home Mental health hospitals, especially their Psych wards are ran like a prison rather than a hospital in this country. Criminals are treated more respectfully :mad:Nope not a chance in hell Im gonna snitch on myself and contact anyone to do with the hospital. Dont trust 'em 'be ok' coz, theres nothing wrong, the world is beautiful and right and as it should be, i just dont belong in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana73 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hi Sue,I saw your old post and it made me think how much you have achieved since then. I am so glad that things are looking up for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hey Lana Thanks for the blast from the past Hmmm, was tryna forget about all that shit i got up to - but you know what maybe its a good thing you reserected this thread - coz im in one of my 'moods' again and really wondering what the 'F' im doing in hospital for ..............Guess its obvious 'WHY' i still need to be inside - coz in all seriousness, if I got out of hospital right now - I'd go to the nearest pub - get totally hammered, phone people i shoulnt - get drugged out of my head and end up getting hooked up with god knows who for the night............... just coz i can Think maybe Ive still gotten a LOT to learn and work on - eh?Anyway, thanks hun Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.