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Not a Real Good Day!


Jenna520

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Posted

So I got my denial of SSI benefits through the mail today. Yay! NOT! I'm so angry right now that I could chew nails! The explanation for denial was as follows: After reviewing your medical records, it has been proven that you continually seek treatment for depression and anxiety, you attend all follow ups, and it is otherwise under control. Your last job description has also been taken into consideration, showing that you can make decisions on your own, you can follow through with simple instruction, and can perform the job as well as the majority of other's in the profession can do it. Also considered was your age and education.

WHAT!? How am I supposed to work a friggin job when I can't drive myself to the gas station without hyperventilating. How can I get myself to work. I get claustaphobic around my husband at times, so how can I be in a crowd!!! Why is it that people can make a living off the government who can actually work but just choose not too, but those who legitimately can not work get screwed over? I'm going to spend the rest of my life having nothing due to anxiety and depression. I guess I'll just spend my time secluded in this hell hole, going crazy, and doing without for the rest of my God given life. Screw this! My life will never improve from what it is now. I'll always be a day late, a dollar short, and grieving, stressing, panicking, and depressing.

Posted

I'm so sorry about your denial. How frustrating!!!

I know nothing can help in the short term but I wanted you to know that in my exxperience helping people with SSI benefits, it is not unusual to be denied the first or even the first couple of times. I encourage you to gather more documentation that supports what you are saying in your post (from your psychiatrist/therapist/etc) and reapply.

Posted

Hi Danni. Thanks for your post. That's just it, I gathered every doctors file that I had and yet they still denied me. Sheez, you'd think that a noted "break down" in your medical file would indicate that maybe something is going on there and that it's not likely going to get better after that, just worse. I'm sooooo frustrated. I had an anxiety attack reading the stupid denial letter. I am so tired of having to do without due to me being unable to work. I have become a recluse the last two years. Now I'm a broke recluse. I can't afford to pay attention. I'm sick of this crap. My neighbor draws it yet they run the roads and have party's and cookouts every weekend, yet she has "ANXIETY"!

I've lost all my friends because I couldn't go visit them and go do things friends do. Nobody understood. I get it rubbed in my face everyday that I don't do a thing to help pay the bills by my husband and it makes me sick. I wish I could work, atleast it would give my depression a rest because I'd have less time to overthink things. It's time like this that I feel about as worthless as one can get. How dare them think they know me better than I know myself. Let them walk a mile in my shoes before they make their decisions.

I'll be fine tomorrow, or the next day, I'm just boiling right now. Sorry for the explosion.

Posted

Oh Jenna, made me feel so sad u didnt got approved, sit down in a chair for a moment relax a bit u got 2 beatiful kids and get rid of that anger. Nows u know why u have been denied these is ur weapon read what are u missing that they dont whant to aprove u. And do as Danni says gather more docs, and try again, and again, and again, and again go so many times until they know ur name there going wach u enter an already know what u whant, and im sure suner or later there going to know that they made a mistake not approving u.

Posted

Thank you Epp. That's just it, this is the second time within a year that I have applied and been denied. I feel like I'm letting my kids down by not being able to provide financially. I haven't been able to work in three years. I was in complete denial for almost two years, just thinking that I would get better. But I've only gotten worse. I loved working in management. I was really good at it. But when the anxiety attacks started, I couldn't even make the staffs schedule. I couldn't make sense of the reports. I couldn't handle customer complaints without going into a panic attack. I wish I could work, but I tried. I tried and tried until my boss told me that something was going to have to change because my job performance was not where it needed to be. So I had to quit, or be fired. I don't know what else I can do to provide documentation. I sat down to write an appeal and got so frustrated that I just threw the notebook across the kitchen.

Posted

Jenna, I'm sorry you're so stressed out and upset. :( Can you think of something to do that might give you a breather and help you relax, take your mind off this for a bit? Listening to music, reading?

I hope you are able to get the documentation you need to receive the benefits you need. In the meantime, I also hope you are able to offer yourself some compassion and care. You've been through so very much.

Take care of yourself, Jenna.

Posted

How about working at home? isnt there any chance of these? or maybe a partime job insted of a full time job. Something with less hours can help. Jenna ur a smart woman U need to think these tomorrow, today in ur current state of anxiety and been so angry u wont solve anything. Lets call it today day of dennied relaxation. And tomorrow the ideas will just flow to ur head.

Posted

Today's another day, still trying to cool off a bit. Tried a second time to write the appeal, but failed miserably. I don't really know where to start. I just know that before, I used to have a life, I was successful, I was independent, and I had a bubbling personality and many friends. Now, it's the opposite.

I didn't sleep well. The added stress flared things up. I had ridiculous dreams and a hard time falling asleep. I thought about Charlie a lot. Cried a bit.

It's raining this morning, which is depressing all in itself. Rainy days make me gloomy. Rainy days in the Fall are just down right depressing. Perhaps I can busy myself enough today as a distraction. Day's such as this I tend to ponder to much and get depressed. I really wish my medical assistance would go through so that I could go see my therapist. I really need to vent right now. There are times that I feel like talking and times that I don't, and right now, I feel like talking. If I could schedule an appointment, I'd guarantee I'd have a lot covered by the end of the session. Usually I struggle on where to start, how to say things, etc. Now would be one of those times that everything would come spilling out.

Here's hoping today is a better day, and that I lose the anger.

Posted

Hi Jenna,

HUn, I know how frustrating it is to be denied social security benefits. Most people are denied at the first two levels. Then at the ALJ hearing the chances of a approval go up dramatically. PLease do not with stop the application. Go to the Reconsideration stage , and if denied seek out a Lawyer. One that only specializes in Social Security claims. They do not collect a penny unless you win, furthermore they can only charge so much. People have won on the basis of depression, anxiety so their is hope. It is very natural to be angry. Nobody likes getting denied. Maybe social security did not have all your medical docuementation. A lot of claimants will obtain their own medical records, make copies and then send them off to DDS. If you do obtain your own copies of everything then you do not have to worry about something not sent. Obtaining benefits is not easy and it does take time. The most important thing though is to NOT give up or start a new claim, keep going as far as you have to go in order to get your benefits. If you do start a new claim you will lose out on any backpay and it could push your date of onset up. Remember that their are a lot of disabilites that are unseen , so it may look like your neighbors are living the high life , they have gone through the process just the same way.

I am on social security disability , as well as my son. I am not one of those who party all the time and look lIke i am having a grand old time. I do know that winning a claim takes as much medical docuementation a s possible to prove Severity , and it is long term, meaning that your disability is going to last a year or longer and you cannot work a Substaniel Gainful Activity. their are many many people getting denied more then approved , even though their conditions are very serious. You can make it though this , just have to keep going , you have time to appeal . If it helps you can obtain a Lawyer right now, at least then you will not feel so stressed out and have someone guiding you through the process.

Posted

Thank you, MS, for all the useful information. I know you're struggling right now and it means alot that you would take the time to give me words of inspiration when you are in need of them yourself. God bless you honey.

Yes, it is frustrating. I've lost everything the last three years of my life. I haven't been able to work or held a job since May 16, 2009. 6 months before I had to step down from my job, I had to take several family medical leaves, and take all my vacation. I held on as long as I possibly could. It got to where I couldn't make it through two hours of a twelve hour shift. I'm ashamed of myself but there was a traumatic experience that I had gone through that sparked this whole madness. I suffered a breakdown, got down to 108 lbs, (that's way to skinny for someone who is almost 5 foot 9), and lost the ability to function. My hair started coming out, I couldn't keep my food down, I had to take medication for an ulcer, my doctor put me on 80 mg of Prozac and 2 mg of Klonopin every 8 hours(which was far too much). But I was so hysterical with what I found out my daughter had been through, (I'll elaborate no further because I don't want to cause anyone to trigger) that I just lost it. I remember staying up for days at a time, sleeping in front of the door in the floor with a gun for fear that my ex husband may try to break in, I was afraid to take my daughter outside to play never knowing if he was watching, I would forget to eat, if I did eat I would get sick, I'd put the coffee pot in the refridgerator and the milk in the cupboard. I was a mess. Not long after I had quit my job, I was driving to the office to pay the rent on my apartment, and completely blowed a red light I had been through a million times, and got t boned right in the driver's side door. I told them I was on medicine, but they did bloodtest, and none of the levels came back too high, so thank god I had cut my meds down myself or I would have gotten a DUI from the massive dose of meds my doc had put me on. After that, I had no car, no job, nothing. I've lost all independance. They can't see my limitations just by looking at my record. But they should be able to see that I held quite a good job and was very successful, and since the incident occured with my daughter, my mental, emotional, and physical health has declined.

I'm getting angry with feeling like I'm useless, and when my husband tells me that I haven't helped financially the whole time we've been married, it makes me sad. It makes me feel like dirt. He knows that I can't work, but he uses this to hurt me. He knows that independence is important to me, and that I've alway provided for myself and my children, but now that I can't, it's like he get's pleasure rubbing my face in it. It hurts so much, MS. I cry daily because I can't believe someone could be so cruel, especially my own husband. He got fired from his job three months ago, not one application has he put in. So I filled out about 15 apps and put them in on the computer. He has done nothing for three months just because he doesn't feel like it. He won't even help me with house work.

I'm just confused right now. I don't know what to think, what to say, how to feel. I just know I'm frustrated, I'm sad, and I'm not real hopeful that anything is going to change anytime soon. :(

Posted

It's amazing how one thing can irritate someone and it has a domino effect, flaring up all mental and emotional weaknesses. I thought Prozac had helped me so much, but then tonight within two hours, I had three anxiety attacks. I had flashbacks again. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm really beginning to feel like a failure at everything I do. My self esteem has bottomed out tonight. I can't believe I'm letting the denial of SSI benefits get under my skin so badly.

I've yet to write my appeal, and I'm actually trying to decide whether to try again at all. I know that I'm young, they don't care what traumatic experiences have caused me to have these limitations I have, and they don't want to pay me for the rest of my life. If I were older, they would probably approve me. Someone told me that. This process seems never ending.:)

Posted

Jenna,

i htink it woud really help you tremendously to get a Lawyer , one that specializes in social security cases. i am saying this now because it is helpful to have a professional on your side fighting for your benefits, it will ease your stress. They don ot get paid anything unless you win your claim . I think if you had the support it would help you, your dealing with so many things right now that I think your very overwhelmed. Your trying to be Supermom and that it too much. I wish your husband was doing his share and looking for a job , but he's not so this places a burden on you. Your date of onset for your disability's can go back as far as you need. It is a blow to be denied. Thats why I think having a Lawyer represent you will take a lot of the stress away. I beleive you have 60 days to appeal the decision.. I know sometimes social security will look at a persons age , but you have to prove your conditions are severe and long lasting. You have some time to appeal .

Posted

I do believe you are right. I obviously can't handle pressure, especially of this magnitude. That's another thing I get frustrated with. Not only has my independence been taken away but my ability to handle stress in any amount has disappeared. I used to be the most patient and level headed person there was. NOT ANYMORE! I've decided that I'm going to take a little cooling off period this weekend and just chill out. Try not to get into the slightest bit stressful situations, and hope that Monday will be a much better day. The anniversary of my brothers death being today has flared up all my emotions, but hopefully things will simmer down soon. I'm to the point I can't handle the flashbacks. I did get some good news, though. I got a paper through the mail that said I will be covered my medicaid until august of 2012, now I just need to wait for the card, which should come very soon. Monday I'm going to make my appointment with my therapist. I've really debated on whether I want to say anything about the flashbacks because I am embarrassed and afraid they'll commit me, but I think it would be in my own best interest if I was honest with him on what I am experiencing, so that he can help me.

My husband let me sleep all day, because he was a little freaked out at all my anxiety attacks last night. He said he figured I'd be better off sleeping peacefully through the five month anniversary of my brother's death, rather than up and crying hysterically over things that I can't change. I'm up now, but really wish I was back in bed.

Posted

I am glad your medicad went through. Will you be seeking therapy ? I really hopr the best for you, Jenna , I know the past year has been hell on you and your family and i hope things start getting easier for you. Don't give up on your disability claim , it is usually a deniel for everybody the first two tries. Don't be discouraged , just keep going on with your claim. You do not have to feel embarrased about the flashbacks, they are real and you need help with that . Are the flashbacks something like how a person with PTSD goes through? Your dealing with so much all at once , that must be so difficult. Do not feel bad about not handleing stress , I cannot do that either. I understand that very well. And it seems like the older I get the worse it gets. And I hate that about myself. Things just gets too overwhelming at times and then I tend to take it out on myself. It is not a good way to cope, but that is how I usually handle things.

Posted

Hiya MS, yep, I went to my first therapy session in over 4 months yesterday. I was eager for a diagnosis, but I didn't get one, and after the appointment I was disappointed. Today I feel much better about how the appointment went and I realize that it's not important for me to know right now the medical diagnosis of what's wrong with me, what's important is that steps are being taken to fix the problem. He added Seroquel to my daily regimen of meds, didn't really say why, but I've yet to get that medicine. I thought my husband would be so kind to go pick that up today, but he didn't.

I have yet to write an appeal on the SSI benefits, mainly because it's so emotionally stressful that I am avoiding it. I'll have to do it soon because 60 days is all I have to appeal. I really don't know where to start or what to say on it. Depression and anxiety has affected my life so much that I can't function normally any more. How do you describe everything to someone who questions if your problem exists? Maybe I'm intimidated, I don't know. I'll tackle to job soon, just need some time to clear my head.

Posted

I am really glad you had therapy , that is very good. Since you were perscribed medication he must be a Psychatrist. I take that medication , and it is a anti psychotic. However i think it is also used for other things. It helps for sleeping , and can cause weight gain , but it is a good medication. Unfortunately it is one of those meds that if you run out , your cannot sleep . I am out of the medicine , and it causes insomia if not taken. So you can get dependant on it.

When you do your appeal you can now add the new Dr in for the appeal. I think it takes more then one visit for a DR. to get the whole picture and start making diagnoses . My Dr. does not tell me, but i always get the papers on my medications that have the reasons why I should take them . Have you ever had a blood test to check your Thyroid? If it is low this can cause depression , so it is worth looking into. With this new DR. he can support your claim of disability , so it may help you. Do you take antidepressant? How about for anxiety? All of those medications are suppose to help deal with things better during stressful times.

Posted

I sent my appeal in online very early this morning, because I could not sleep. My husband had to type it and help me with it alot because I was getting too disgruntled far too quickly. Having him help me also gave me a chance to see how he feels from his point of view and how he looks at me. It was saddening but I just kept quiet. I felt like I was lined up in front of a firing squad, vulnerable to everything, no shield up, just taking it.

I am on other medication, I have been on antidepressants and anxiety meds since I was 17, so that's almost 11 years now. Just the combination of the antidepressants and anxiety meds worked fine up until the last three to four years. Since then I've really had a difficult time dealing with just basic things. I'm hoping I'm on the right path to recovery. I miss having a life. I hate being secluded and spending my days crying.

Posted
I sent my appeal in online very early this morning, because I could not sleep. My husband had to type it and help me with it alot because I was getting too disgruntled far too quickly. Having him help me also gave me a chance to see how he feels from his point of view and how he looks at me. It was saddening but I just kept quiet. I felt like I was lined up in front of a firing squad, vulnerable to everything, no shield up, just taking it.

I am on other medication, I have been on antidepressants and anxiety meds since I was 17, so that's almost 11 years now. Just the combination of the antidepressants and anxiety meds worked fine up until the last three to four years. Since then I've really had a difficult time dealing with just basic things. I'm hoping I'm on the right path to recovery. I miss having a life. I hate being secluded and spending my days crying.

I know my Pscyh. Dr. has changed Antidepressants quite a few times in the 8 years i have been going to him. Sometimes the medication loses it's effect after a while taking them. my Dr. just changed me to a different one recently.

i am so glad your husband helped you with the appeal, that was really nice of him, it did leave you vulnerable though , he knows whats going on now and hopefully can be sympathetic to your needs. If I was married i would want husband to know so he could support me and be understanding .

About the reconsideration level, just so you know, most people are deneid at this level, don't get discourged , afte rthe second deniel it is reccomended to seek out a Disability Lawyer, one who specializes in social security claims only, they only get paid if the client wins. The next level is going in front of a judge . That can take anther year just to get a hearing. you should hear back in 3-6 months about your claim .

Guest ASchwartz
Posted

Seroquel not covered by insurance??? I am absolutely shocked and speechless. Is there a generic available? Did you call your insurance company? I just cannot get over this. Maybe there is an error somewhere?

Allan

Posted

There wasn't an error, I just called both the pharmacy and my doctor, and apparently state insurances no longer cover Seroquel. The doctor is calling in Risperidone. So four days have gone bye since my last appointment and I have yet to be able to get the medicine. It's really frustrating to me, because the closer it gets to my birthday, the more depressed and anxious I get. I slept until 1:45 pm. After I got up this morning and got my daughter off to school, I laid back down with no intentions of getting up today. Last night I struggled so much to block the images that swirled in my mind, I cried, I prayed. I have no idea when I finally dozed off, all the while my husband was laying next to me asleep and never stirred.

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