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A new member who's absolutely dreading the holidays

Auntie Crash

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Not quite sure how to start because I've never done this before. I guess what I'm hoping to attain is another way to communicate with others who also need support. Now that the silly season is upon us again, I've been suffering from panic attacks. Unfortunately, I have a very limited personal support network of friends to help at this time. And, the ones I do have, of course, are all very busy with their respective families. I'm feeling very much alone and things just really hurt right now. What is it about this season that brings out these extra emotions or makes them feel so much more intense??

Anyway, I very much look forward to discovering the world online forums, etc..

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Hello, AC, welcome :)!

I'm sorry this season is causing you panic attacks and you don't have a good personal support network :(... I used to hate Christmas for many years because of all the stress before them and also because the rather complicated "situation" in our family (the reltionships). But I'm fortunately much better in "sustaining" this season now, partially thanks to psychotherapy which healed my anxiety disorder, partialy thanks to some changes in habbits in our family (such as not giving presents to everybody - very relieving!) There are many people who struggle with Christmas, either because of stress of because of feeling alone, ... Why do you have problems with this seson?

I hope you'll find some supportive friends in this cmmunity... :)

Take care!

P.S.: Panic attacks can be treated also by meds, so it would be probably a good idea to consult a doctor, in case you haven't already done it.

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Because Xmas is so family oriented, it's just another reminder. I've been in psychotherapy for about three years, ever since I decided to stop drinking myself into oblivion every night. I just decided one night that I couldn't keep going on the way I was...not without dire consequences, at least. Sonce being in recovery, I'm feeling so many things that I've repressing for so many years, that it feels overwhelming right now. It was a year after I stopped drinking that my parents and I found out my brother, a recently retired firefighter, had pancreatic cancer. It just didn't seem fair that he died from something he loved doing. It's not right. Anyway, the emotions just seem all over the place at the moment, hence the panic attacks.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Auntie and welcome to our community.

Losing a loved one is always horrible and, at the Holidays, its even worse. It appears that his death is very recent.

You can't and you should not stop the grief if his loss was recent. However, there are ways to reduce the loneliness. One way is to volunteer to help with the needy and reach out to neighbors who may be elderly or alone, and provide some cheer to them. This won't stop the pain but may help you by helping others and that always feels like a good thing. After all, as a fireman, your brother was always helping others.

Just a few thoughts I have.

By the way, here, you have a whole community of people to share with.


Edited by Lana73
Allan, I am sorry, I did not realize that I was editing YOUR post instead of mine :) I did not change anything.
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Hi Auntie

By the way, here, you have a whole community of people to share with

This is a very rare occasion when I totally agree with Allan (jk):(

I am very sorry about your lost. I have experienced few loses in my life as well. With each loss I felt that a big part of me died. It is extremely hard to loose a loved one, whether it is a close family member or a good friend. I would suggest to communicate with other members of this site who went through a similar experience or even reaching out and helping other members. It helped me to heal a lot and it changed the way I lived my life in the past.

By the way, you are not the only one who does not like holidays. Sometimes I wish to wake up and find out that it is January.

I will move your thread to our grief forum so you can get more support from other members.

It does get better, just takes time.

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First, thanks so much to those that have answered my original post. Unfortunately, the season has become slightly harder in that my parents have suffered health issues over this past weekend. I miss my brother even more now...and I'm also mad at him! There were only the two of us and now I find myself facing this challenge on my own. You see. I was very fortunate to have been able to "choose" my adoptive family. My biological parents were killed in a car accident when I was four months old and was raised in an orphanage until I was about two. According to my family, I picked them out and it's been an adventure ever since. To not have Rick with us anymore is one of the hardest thing we've had to go thru...and now he's not here when my parents and I need him the most. It just makes me very angry. Sorry, if it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself but it has been a very difficult few days and the tears and panic attacks just won't stop. One good thing, I guess, is that I haven't had a drink and actually just realized I've been sober three years yesterday, Dec 18th. With everything that happened this weekend, it completely slipped my mind. Again, thanks for your support.

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Hi auntie crash, it's nice to meet you and I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with grief. I know what it's like and trust me, the anger part is a natural part of the grieving process. Now that you're sober, you'll experience a lot of things because you're not numbing it anymore. It may not seem like it, but getting the grieving process done and over with is far better than suppressing it with alcohol. Everyone has to heal. It takes each person their own time. I'm still struggling so unfortunately, I'm not to the point of giving advice on how to cope. I wish I could. Have you read my thread in the addiction section titled, "insert name here"? Any time you get to feeling guilty about being angry with your brother, go read that series of letters I had written for my brother. You'll see it's not unusual. :(

I pray God brings you peace and healing. God bless.

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