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I don't want to live anymore

Musicman

By Musicman
in Urgent Need

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Musicman Senior Member

Musicman

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I'm not in danger. Not going to do anything tonight. However, I desperately need to talk. These thoughts have really entered my mind strongly, and I'm scared of where they may lead. I just need someone to talk to me and listen...

Musicman Senior Member

Musicman

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I don't know. I'm giving up on the hope that I can ever have children. It's all I want in life, but I need to be realistic. If I can't have kids, I have nothing to look forward to...

Lana73 Senior Member

Lana73

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I know that you are sexually attracted to kids. I also know that you are not in denial about it and that you are fighting it. This means that you will defeat this burden that you are caring with you. And you also will be able to have a family and yes, children. And something is telling me that you are going to be a great dad! From all our communications, you showed me so many times what a compassionate and caring person you are.

Musicman Senior Member

Musicman

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I'm fighting it, but you can only do so much to curb sexual attraction... And I know that I'm compassionate. Certainly enough so that I'd stop myself from having children to ensure I didn't molest...

Lana73 Senior Member

Lana73

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I can imagine that it is not easy to overcome this kind of problem and it probably will take a while. Continue dealing with it the way you are doing now.

Have you tried dating? Are you attracted to young women?

Lana73 Senior Member

Lana73

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I understand. But I also think that once you find that special person and fall in love with them (and you certainly will), you will most likely get rid of this problem.

Also, do you have a therapist?

Musicman Senior Member

Musicman

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I have an excellent therapist who specializes in sexual issues, though in many ways, he's never dealt with anyone like me.

I certainly do hope I'll find someone one day...

Lana73 Senior Member

Lana73

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Yes, you will :o I am glad you have a good therapist. But most importantly, you are willing to overcome it. I am very proud of you. And I am happy to have such a great friend.

soregretful Senior Member

soregretful

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why do you think that you are never going to have children? You are so young and you also dealing with your problems. Your future looks actually very promising.

I agree with Lana! The fact that you are dealing with this right now gives you a great chance of success! I hope I am that lucky!

soregretful Senior Member

soregretful

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I'm attracted, but not to anyone I know :P. Plus, I have to deal with social anxiety and self-confidence issues...

Let me let you in on something I found out just recently!

There is someone out there for everyone....someone out there will love you for who you are! When I was your age, I was terrified to ask girls out because I thought I would be rejected and humiliated. Aside from that, I was teased for being a twin. Yeah, I had low self-esteem, and low self-confidence! It just takes that little bit of courage to get over this hump. I have fallen in love with my girlfriend and she knows all of my issues, a lot of which happened when I was about your age. The only way to build something and make it stronger is to sometimes just throw all caution to the wind and go for what you want. I wish I had when I was your age! Someone is out there for you! Don't be afraid to find her!

Ralph Senior Member

Ralph

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How do I take care of them without lusting after them? Damn, I feel like such a freak saying that...

It could be different with your own kids. I tend to not want to be around kids just because it can trigger flashbacks, but I know I react differently with my nieces than with strangers' kids. It's a feeling of selflessness, but also seeing myself in the next generation. I want to make sure they are well taken care of. If it can be like this with an uncle/niece relationship then it's probably profoundly stronger with a parent/child relationship.

No guarantees, as there is clearly case history of parents sexually abusing their children and this is not to be taken lightly. Yet I wonder how many of these are truly lusting after their kids vs. being sadistic child abusers. I strongly doubt any of them have done half the work that you have already done, such as giving up CP in late teens and getting therapy to deal with inappropriate urges.

What I am saying is that you have done a lot of work and should credit yourself for your progress. You've discussed just about the worst that could happen, but what is the best possible outcome? If you really think there is a danger, then the right thing to do is probably avoid the risk. Except you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Dealing with what you can right now, such as social anxiety, seems the best you could do. You might be a completely different person by the time it's appropriate to settle down & have a family.

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