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How do you cope with liars?


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My ex is a habitual liar. It's like he lives two lives, the real one, and the one he makes up. Talking to him on the phone, I hear what he's saying, but it's like translating his speech into another language. If he says he did A, he was more likely doing B. I know the language well enough, unfortunately!

But in general, how are you supposed to deal with liars? If you know someone is lying to you do you call them on it or just ignore it? It had been my practice to call him on it, which just resulted in a lot of angry denials and/or "adjustments" to the tale.

The thing I hate(d) most about it, is it feels so insulting!!! Like, just how stupid does he think I am???

But I probably should not let that bother me anymore. He's not my husband/partner anymore, so why should I care if he lies like a rug? Why should I feel the need to let him know I know he's lying? What does it accomplish? It just makes him mad, and creates conflict. I don't go out of my way to deal with him, but we have a son, so a certain amount of contact is necessary, unfortunately.

I have to be stronger about this, not let it get to me, but it too often does! Does anyone have any good strategies for dealing with liars in your life? What is the *right* way to handle it?


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Oh hey, I happened to do a search on google, and look what I found!


A whole site dedicated to liars, specifically within relationships but they also have a section on how to deal with a lying child.

They also have a forum, and other related topics.


I'd still love to hear how people deal with the liars in their lives, though, if you're dealing with that too. I'd like to hear positive coping strategies. How to heal yourself after dealing with this kind of person, etc.

I'm just starting to confront the lies themselves, and how best to handle them.

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"woman up" Is exactly what I'm doing, and it means shutting up, as saying the literal or equivalent of "**** You" is A) ineffective and :P damaging. But I appreciate the moral support, if that's how you meant it!! XD

After reading through that site I have decided I must MUST keep my mouth shut and ignore it. The main reason is for my son. My Ex makes my son live his lies, and I think my son might be afraid of dealing with me at times because he's afraid he'll give something away, or similar, and I'll confront Ex about his lying. My demanding to be dealt with honorably by someone who's incapable of it has only created an atmosphere of conflict, which is harmful to our child. My hope on some level was that our kid would learn truth from fiction, but I think it may have the opposite effect: scaring him into becoming a pathological liar himself. It's easy and pleasant to lie your way through life. Not so easy or pleasant to be truthful.

So yeah. My New Year's Resolution is to LET HIM LIE and don't say a thing about it. It will be tough. Must squash ego.

Edited by JaneE
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"woman up" Is exactly what I'm doing, and it means shutting up, as saying the literal or equivalent of "**** You" is A) ineffective and :P damaging. But I appreciate the moral support, if that's how you meant it!! XD

Having a son with him is a bit different. As for damaging his feelings. I can see why you would care now but if you didn't have any children then why care. He'd get over it at some point.

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How does anyone cope with liars - with great difficulty :P

I guess, though, by putting up your barriers, not taking anything s/he says with any amount of seriousness, and just smile politely so as not to be rude, whilst they waffle on. Try not to get to taken in by 'stuff'.

Your in a difficult situation, especiallly as its the father of your child. If it were me, I'd just listen to his lies - let it go in one ear and out the other, then when he leaves - Try and see the funny side of it - and just laugh it off, coz if you dont likelyhood is it will stress you out even more so. :)

Hope that you can find a way to cope with this situation :)

Take care

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  • 3 weeks later...

Jane E. I live with a chronic liar and I know just what you mean. It feels belittling and infuriating at times but you have to keep things in perspective. Ask yourself, how important is the thing he is lying about? If it is important, is there a way for you to find out the truth? As with anything else in life, don't sweat the small stuff. Lying is his problem. You need to keep it his problem. Certain things you need to know others you don't. If it's not something you need to know than who cares if he lies about it. If you do need to know than you already know that you have to seek a more accurate source of information.

Best of luck!:)

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