Overcoming Passive-AGGRESSIVE

[frazzled1]

I helped a friend yesterday and I thought I would share my advice to her with you (my other friends).

Often we are kind to our own detriment. We always try to be nice, try not to let things bother us, try to just get through. But it never occurs to us that our kindness is a gateway to angry outbursts. No matter who you are, you have your limits. Kindness to others has it's limits. Here is my advice.

Do not allow your emotions to dictate your limit. Set a limit (consciously) for yourself. (I like 3). Develop a script for yourself based on a strategy that first acknowledges your building emotions (or anticipation thereof), second validates those feelings and finally implements resolution.

For me this would be...

1. I can see where this is going and I'm not going to like it. (Let's do something else or Can you find something else to do or someplace else to do it?).

2. I prefer not to have such things going on around me/ I prefer being spoken to with more respect.

3. I'm afraid I am going to have to leave/I am going to have to ask you to leave.

It is simple and kind while forward and strong (strength building). It allows you to maintain control while still having a sense of kindness. It is non-confrontational yet validating of your "self". In a word it is Assertive.

I hope this helps someone

[LaLa]

Thanks, frazzled! It sounds good to me.

You named the topic "overcoming passive aggressive" and I have a question, probably stupid, but... I'd like to understand it better:

Do you mean it as a coping method for situations with somebody who's passive aggressive, or as a method to aviod being passive aggressive / begining such a behavior? Because it could be both, I think.

[frazzled1]

LaLa, I do think that it applies either way. If you are dealing with someone who is passive aggressive then it will not only validate your feelings and needs in the situation but may serve as an example to them as well.