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Angry???


Andromeda
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I remebered when I was so depressed and scared,because these OCD thoughts.I really was in danger and when I asked for help people around me,they didnt believe me.I know this was before years and I was kid,but I still feel angry somethimes.Is it normal to feel like this even now?I tried to understand their point of view and not to be angry,but I cant always make anger go away :(

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Anger is a response to having our expectations violated by others. These expectations can include expectations of respect and care from the people around us.

It’s certainly too bad if others couldn’t help you when you needed it, and you can understand and even forgive them. But to give up on the expectation of respect and care when you were scared and helpless? I think it is normal and healthy to expect respect and care from the people around us, especially if you are a child. It is sad for everybody if that wasn’t available to you. According to my therapist, eventually mourning what wasn’t there can provide a way to let go of the pain and anger and move on.

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Andromeda, I've struggled with taming this anger for over twenty years. I've held it in through spite and unhealthy grudges to any who I felt slighted me. I've come to realize this is just one of many barriers I have to face in order to be better. You're not a bad person for feeling angry. The trick is to accept it, feel it, then let it go. It's another mechanism of control, and when we feel we've lost control, that's when things get hairy. Forgiveness and compassion are very difficult. I'm in the throes of wanting to hate my soon-to-be-ex wife, while finally coming to the realization that all this hate and anger I've accumulated have been a poison sucking the life out of me for years. By learning to forgive yourself first and foremost, to be kind and understanding to yourself, then you'll start to relinquish some of that anger. Hang in there.

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i'm not sure where it originated, and where i heard it, i'm not even going to bother to mention cus its so 'pop psych' it just gives it less creedence..however...it was a discussion on the many ways one could define forgiveness..and the definition that resonated was

"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different."

i dont know why, but it just makes me so sad.

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How have you been feeling, Andromeda?

Sometimes anger can be a secondary emotion as well. It can cover other feelings, such as hurt and sadness, that may be even more painful to confront. I hope you are able to listen to the part of you who felt unheard and that you can offer compassion to yourself now.

Jai, if the past had painful experiences, I can understand how that quote would cause sadness. Maybe there are some feelings that need to be expressed and heard?

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I think the thing about that quote that rings with me is that it means letting go - absolutely. We, or at least I, tend to stew over things. I let them get me worked up, upset, angry or depressed or anxious. The past is a crutch. One that we may lean on a bit too heavily at times. We hold onto these things to protect ourselves from the future. At least, that's the rationale. But in the process we lose sight of the here and now. We begin to live in past events and worry about future ones. Assuming that there's a correlation, and that by clinging to one we'll somehow effect the other.

Letting go of this is scary. It's our security blanket. For me, this was a revelation. Now I just have to put it into practice - that's the hard part. But doing what is best is usually not easy. Shortcuts get you nowhere fast :)

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"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different."

... in exchange for the hope, or even the certainty, that the future can be different.

I'm not sure the original is worded well: the past could have been different, it just wasn't. And it certainly can't be made different now.

Futures, on the other hand ... :-)

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