malign Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 It _is_ awesome, Jaime. Well, assuming he understands it as well as the average therapist would.This is the only way that you know how to relate to men. Yet you know that there are other ways ... So maybe therapy is exactly the place to explore what those other ways might be.I am really glad that you're giving this a try, and that you're trying with a male therapist. Maybe trying to deal with a woman and your history, at the same time, was too hard?Would it help to try imagining, with us or in your own head, what might happen when he doesn't take you up on your hints? Will you feel more twisted, or less? Would it give you permission to go back to interacting normally with him, once sex is off the table? Or is non-sexual interaction still too frightening?{And yes, I know I'm asking really hard questions. Maybe you're ready for them.} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Great news about the therapist, Jai. It sounds like you had a very productive session as well. That is wonderful.Sexual fantasies are actually very common in the therapy room. You aren't alone. I would suggest bringing it up with him when you feel comfortable enough to do so. Maybe there are new ways to learn how to respond and be heard in relationships. I hope therapy is healing for you, Jai. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Mark still types faster... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 And so not true ...Isn't that really the problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 whats not true? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 No, the "not loveable" part.Sure, it's safer not to take any risks. You know how the dance goes when it goes sexual.Maybe it just gets old after a while, always knowing how it ends.What if you develop feelings for him, at least at first, and he doesn't hurt you?What if he treats you like the dignified human being you really are, and you stick around long enough to know he's for real?What if the net result is unscrewing your head, perhaps literally, for a particular meaning of "screw"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 --------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Well, part of this is maybe an oversimplified view of what can happen when you develop feelings for another person. It doesn't always happen that when we develop feelings for a person, we're inevitably hurt when they don't reciprocate. I have feelings for many of the people here, and they're reciprocated in all different ways (assuredly, not all positive), and yet I live on. If I can do it, so can you.See, it depends what the feelings are. And it's important the feelings for the person be kept separate from feelings or opinions about their actions. It bothers me, for instance, when any of my friends tells me about harming themselves. It hurts, because I don't want them to be hurt. But I still care about them as people, and I'm well aware what I can't do. ;-)So you might find that you can't maintain the convenient description of a therapist as "someone you pay to be nice to you", because you might find that they are in fact genuinely nice, and would be even if you didn't pay them. My experience has been that even those of my therapists that weren't helpful were trying to be. And that lots of people you don't pay are trying to be nice to you too, which I know you appreciate even when you don't say it. :-)So yeah, that leaves you with a decision, about what you're willing to risk.{I enjoyed the visual of the "hurt can" having worms in it. "I've never met a phor I couldn't mix."} :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 im still up to my old ways...i wont even say how low ive sunk.i know i cant expect immediate change...but where is my will power?these risks are so stupid....i recognize that after.... so why cant i see straight before i jump in?im such a slut. u will never appreciate what a filthy whore i am.i need to get wasted. i need to forget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 I wish you would not label yourself in a negative way. I know you are frustrated and hurt. I hope you will not add to that hurt by beating yourself down.Maybe you can work in therapy on slowing things down some, so are able to stop yourself from taking unsafe risks. It is going to take time to make changes, Jai. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 ------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 I'm so very, very sorry that you are treating yourself this way, Jai. Maybe you don't want another potentially pejorative label, but it sure sounds like a decent psychiatric hospital could find a way to give you a bed for awhile. Maybe not, but this is scary, as threatening to your health as cutting or something, only you're getting other people to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 ya...no thanx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 Behavior is behavior, Jai. It isn't attached to your self.Behaviors are a form of self-abuse and self-harm. It does sound frightening. I hope you are okay. Do you have a friend you might stay with to help you during this time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 ahhhh...ya, infifftub 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 A tent in the yard might be fun for a camp out, huh? The dogs could play and we could dress me up in some kind of Lyme Disease prevention clothes. If I knew someone who lived by the lake we could swim there. Otherwise, there are some other very nice beaches to go to.I hope you feel better, Jai. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 -------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 I was hoping a little humor might offer some distraction and relief from your stress. I've just had Lyme and so was poking some fun at myself. Do you get any relief from writing down your feelings? Breathing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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