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Intrusive thoughts came back.


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My fears about becoming a pedophille came back. And the intrusive thoughs are back too. The most disturbing part is when it comes during masturbation, so its hard to explain but when that happens my mind tells me "if it pops up during masturbation, then it means you like that thought". It's also confusing, because in everyday life when these thoughts pop up I'm repulsed however during masturbation they come way after I'm aroused and Im usually at the point of orgasism. I'm sometimes disgusted and other times disoriented and I don't even realize the thought. But it was pleasurable, was that because of the stimulation or the thought? I feel like a pervert typing this. My dr says I have ocd, but how can I be sure.

Am I making to big a deal out of this?

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What do you mean by fantasy though? Meaning it denotes desire? Or just mental movies running around my head?

A couple of things are on my side.

1. I can trace my fear of becoming a pedophille to my sister saying (taking about a girl I know, my age) "any man attracted to her, must be pedophille. I had a crush on this girl, so it got me wondering.

2. No one becomes a Pedo at 22. It's something that starts when they re young.

3. My different ocd fears included being gay. Also I was afraid when I was 11 of being sexually abused. Then when my little sister was born I was afraid of someone abusing her. So I was always around her trying to protect her.

4 now it seem my fears have evolved into I'm afraid of hurting my little sister and or other kids.

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You can't ever be "sure". Are you "sure" the sun's coming up tomorrow?

Some things you have to let go of.

OCD is the inability to do that.

We're not going to able to give you facts that convince you, that make you "sure". That's not how this works. You need to work with your therapist (you still see one, right?) One of the biggest things "on your side" here is how much you don't want to be a pedophile. We rarely become things against our will.

Just the fact that you know it's an intrusive thought suggests you realize that it's unreasonable.

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