Is this depression or something else?

[anon]

So I definitely don't think of myself as a depressed person, in fact I'm almost never sad or upset (outwardly) and I generally have a smile on my face while I'm around everyone else but I truly hate myself, my life, and everything about it.

I know that I have a great life, great supportive parents, and a great family, but I see no purpose for myself no use I kind of just hang around like leaves blowing in the wind.

I know what problems I have and what needs to be changed but I can't seem to do anything about it, I don't know where to start.

I wake up every morning hoping that when I walk across the street to my car I get hit by a bus or struck down by lightning because I'm too scared to kill myself. As badly as I want to die I could never end my own life or hurt myself because I know how badly it would hurt everyone around me.

I just seem to get the short end of the stick for everything I'm not going to get into it because I don't want to hear things like "well at least you're not in a wheelchair, or at least you don't have (insert really horrible problem here) like that guy".

If you're going to respond with "stop feeling sorry for yourself, suck it up, or just deal with it" save your effort because I don't need to hear that I've heard it way too many times. I need real advice on how to quit feeling like I'm useless and wanting to die as soon as I wake up in the morning.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, anon. Welcome.

If you're going to respond with "stop feeling sorry for yourself, suck it up, or just deal with it" save your effort because I don't need to hear that I've heard it way too many times.

I'm sorry you are feeling down and have not felt supported. Support can be very helpful for any of us during times of struggle.

Do you have any passions, anon? What brings you joy? Would spending some time with friends help?

[Luna-]

Meaninglessness. It's a killer. Sounds like that's what you have. You might be depressed although it would take a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist to make that call. But there is something that I found helpful, quite separate from diagnoses. Can you afford counselling/therapy in any shape or form? Talking these things over with a sympathetic and knowledgeable ear to listen means a lot. They can help you move towards more meaning in your life.

Wish you well.

[SweetSue]

Sometimes its easier to hide all the hurt we feel behind a smile, rather than let others around us know just how desperate our feelings have become. I should know - Ive been banking on my false happiness to hide my true feelings for quite some time now.

And I'm gonna sound a right hypocrite by typing this but - although its easier to smile outwardly, this dont really solve anything. In a way its kinda self distructive. Is there a close friend you can talk things through with?

It still might not solve anything, but sometimes it helps just knowing that there is someone that you dont have to hide your true feelings from. Someone you can be yourself with.

Would you feel comfortable with sharing a little of whats troubling you, here with us?, maybe it would help.

Take care

[Victimorthecrime]

No one is useless Anon. You have as much right to be here as anyone else, so value yourself because you & I & everyone are worthy of life & happiness.

[Yllka]

I really feel the same as you..Its like I dont deserve what I have./