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How My Family Disappeared


aWeirdLife
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I was never fortunate to be born into a good family to begin with in life. When I was born my father was a food refinisher and my mother was working idk where.

I don't remember my family even being together but my sister does. My sister is 4 years older than I am so she remembers a lot more.

I remember in kindergarten living in a building with just my sister and I, no father. So in the time frame of being born and then I have no clue what actually happened but I have heard a lot.

My father left to Ottawa and I never talked to him much. He would call rarely and I really hated talking on the phone so it was a double negative.

My mother, sister and I went from a building to a house with my mothers boyfriend and he turned out to be violent towards her and my sister so that was interesting.

My father would come down on odd occasions. I remember packing all my stuff to go down to Ottawa or get ready to just go to the movies or something and after hours of waiting and waiting on the porch steps he would never show.

I remember going to Ottawa when I was in grade 7 or 8. He moved back to Toronto after that. After he moved back I started helping him with physical work even though I have a heart condition pretty bad.

He promised me many things but never delivered such as a car, money, a house etc. As a young individual I thought it was going to happen.

I eventually stopped helping him and rarely talked with him.

Fast forwarding to when I was 17. I was making hot dogs and my mother came home after work, instantly she started yelling at me because I didn't have a job and I was doing nothing with my life. Mind you I was born with a hole in my heart and Sick Kids Hospital had to have 10+ drs fix me up. I had to go there very other year for check ups.

I am unable to get a physical job and in this world that's all that is available right now. At that time I had dropped out of high school due to being almost beat up by a group of guys.

So in this argument I told her to hit me now because my mother used to beat me sometimes. I put my hands out to my sides and had my chest out asking her to hit me now. I walked into her a bit pushing her with my chest because I was very upset and I knew at my age she could never hit me anymore.

My sister ran down and got in the middle. I went to my room to eat but left a few minutes after. My sister called the cops and my mother talked with the police also. I never once hit a female in my life and always defended women in those situations.

My sister and mother told the police I assaulted them and the police arrested me. I called my father and he got me, I went to give at his house.

I got on Disability for my heart and to have some source of income.

After 2 years of living with such a negative individual I couldn't handle it so I moved in December of this year.

I have now been living alone for the past 2 1/2 months now. I have a roommate but he and I rarely talk. I am not really a social person so I don't have any real friends in my life and after that fight with my mother and sister I haven't talked with my family.

I haven't talked with my family including my sister and mother for 3 years now.

I haven't spoken with my father for a few months now.

I am very shocked I have never tried to harm myself at all with all the mental abuse and physical abuse I've taken in life.

I've never had a grandfather and I rarely saw my grandmother so it was well before anything happened that I had a messed up family.

Ironically every child in my family my age has no father figure, what is up with that...

So anyway that's the basics of my family life.

I have to have another surgery on my heart this year or so but I feel like I might as well just wait for life to take its course instead of fixing it. At this point in my life I don't see any benefit to living.

Side note: I've dedicated my life to fighting against injustice such as Cannabis prohibition, animal abuse, genetically modified foods etc. I figure if I am going to die, I might as well die with a purpose rather than nothing at all.

I am also now on the medical marijuana program and I smoke 2-3 grams a day. If it wasn't for this plant, I would be an alcoholic because I really can't handle being sober in the world that I was given.

Thanks for reading.

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I have just some comments:

I am very shocked I have never tried to harm myself at all with all the mental abuse and physical abuse I've taken in life.

I know that reading about so many people who self-harm can make you suppose that it's "normal" to do so when you've been abused etc., but it's not the case. Yes, it's one of the possible results, but we are very diverse and only some % of those with very difficult lives take this way. It's great that you didn't. And it's not so much surprising ;).

he and I rarely talk. I am not really a social person so I don't have any real friends in my life

Of course you don't need to change your personality and become very social (that's probably even impossible), but... wouldn't some adjustments be possible and even quite beneficial? It seems you do miss friendships. Finding some on-line can be a good start and you've done the first step :)!

Do you also miss your family? When relatives are abusive, hostile and make you miserable, it's always much better to avoid them. I'm not sure one can miss somebody who is hurting him, so I assume when you miss "family", you rather miss safe intimate relationships - and those can be found outside family. You know; can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends and your partner.

I am unable to get a physical job and in this world that's all that is available right now. At that time I had dropped out of high school due to being almost beat up by a group of guys.

I'm sorry that bullying has prevented you from getting education :(. (It's strange; I know in Canada, they have campaigns and programs against bullying and it's still such a huge problem...) However; this one experience doesn't reflect a necessity: Going to school doesn't have to involve bullying or intimidation, you know. And as you can't work physically, you need a higher education (than you have now) to find a work. It's not true that only physical jobs are available; I bet you're biased on this. You don't take into account many offers requiring more education than you have. So; what are your options - what education could you afford? Is there something that would interest you?

I have to have another surgery on my heart this year or so but I feel like I might as well just wait for life to take its course instead of fixing it. At this point in my life I don't see any benefit to living.

Side note: I've dedicated my life to fighting against injustice such as Cannabis prohibition, animal abuse, genetically modified foods etc. I figure if I am going to die, I might as well die with a purpose rather than nothing at all.

I'm sorry to hear that :(. But to be honest, there's no purpose in dying "as a protest" against Cannabis prohibition, animal abuse or whatever, no matter how much these causes are important. You'll be incomparably more useful as a living being engaged in those fights - I believe you can see that. You're very lucky that you're so caring and have something to fight for (or against ;) ). It's not something everybody experiences; many people just don't care enough to do something. There are ways to become more engaged and I hope you'll find yours :). Maybe... some inspiration could help ;) (?):

Natalie Warne: How Can Young People Make An Impact?

http://www.ted.com/talks/natalie_warne_being_young_and_making_an_impact.html

Meg Jay: Is 30 Really the New 20?

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